I want more than just friends

  • We've known each other since we were16. We lost contact for all these years we're both in our ealry thirties. Suddenly he reaches me again and the feelings are still.Things started on this sexual friends with benefits thing. I want more its been six months. I dont know if I should bring it up first or just go with the flow.

  • Well you both feel deeply for one another and have a long history of 'closeness', now you are being sexual together. You also feel that it could be more. Personally I don't know what else you need to start a relationship. If the sexual/ physical desire was not there, then I can understand the desire to just be friends. But seeing you want a sexual connection, then obviously the physical desire is there.

    Something is holding you back. It could be the fact that the two of you have not bridged the subject. I would definitely let your feelings towards him be known. Find out from him exactly what he wants from your relationship. Maybe he's scared to commit (based on internal fears), or that he's shy to bridge the subject because he doesn't know how you feel, or maybe it's something else that you should know but probably don't want to hear. It's possible that he doesn't feel as strongly towards you as you to him. As long as he's getting it all (intimacy, friendship, companionship, sex) from you, then he's got the best everything without commitment and has no reason to change things. It's possible also that he loves having you 'for the moment' but is looking for someone else for the long run. This would not be something you would like to hear, but is something you should know.

    At any rate you should have a very detailed conversation about how you feel, how he feels, and what each of you are looking for and want from your relationship. It's the only way that the two of you can be clear on 'what' you are to one another.

  • babe go for it

    im in kinda the same sitchuation like a guy but he got commitment issues he finds it hard to trust people he knows how i feel tho which is a plus for me and we have had sexual encounters

    just tell him to like him 🙂

  • Hi, I was thinking about this issue just yesterday. Marriage is an honorable thing. The two become one (in more ways than one--legal.) I went to a retreat yesterday for 11 hrs. The Jerusalem Experience. A few of the lectors said that they had lived w/spouses for 20-30 years before marriage. It seemed when they found a church and priest they could relate to it opened those spiritual bonds and marriage didn't seem that distant. That was a common thread. In my experience (I'm divorced 20 yrs.), I have told my two ex-boyfriends early on that marriage was something that I was ultimately looking for. But, I also said, it may not be with you. Both said they wanted to live together. After one year, the first one wanted to get married. Somehow I was already marred by living together, marriage was not on the table for me. That relationship dissolved. The second wanted the same thing. Six months later he was crying marriage. I guess I was on the not interested in marriage track, so that dissolved.

    What I'm trying to get at is you might want to set a time frame on this. There are any number of scenarios that could play out here. Dreamer gave you realistic expectations on possible outcomes. I found a parish with a singles group. This is the only avenue that I know of to meet someone who is like minded. Anyway, the retreat was wonderful. Got a Jerusalem Cross that was prayed over and already have a miracle attached to it. A friend of mine brought me two puppies that were left on the road. They dug a hole under one fence. When one was going under the fence, it stuck him right in the eyeball. Because it was barbed at the end it wouldn't release. I called my friend to come help me. I couldn't stand to look at it. The dog finally dislodged. He was running around the yard. Finally, had the courage to look at it--it was perfect. God wants me to believe in what I heard that day and to know he is truly present and truly works miracles.

  • PS, What I wanted to hear from previous boyfriends was that marriage was something that they were looking for. I didn't expect them to marry right away.

  • I have been in a similar situation with a man where we were friends with benefits and then like a woman, I started to fall for him. I asked for a real relationship and he didn't want one. So I did this on again off again thing with him hoping he would change his mind and see what a great gal I was...still nothing. If he is getting what he wants - sex with no pressures of the daily relationship thing and you are spoon feeding it to him then why change? He has everything he wants. The thing is to stop being so free with the sex. Cut him off and if he wants something more then he will come running and if not then he will find someone else to give him sex with no pressures.

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