HAVE I LOST HIS FRIENDSHIP?
I had an issue occur last year between myself, my ex-husband and someone I thought was a friend of mine. However, throughout this year, I've found that this friend doesn't want to know me and almost seems to want me out of his life completely. I never run across him, which is very strange in a small town, and I don't feel that calling him'd achieve anything either. I think, though, that he drove by me in the street last week, but if it was him, he completely ignored me.
I would simply like to know if we'll ever be friends again, or have I lost his friendship forever? I know I was thinking there might be more than friendship at one point, but gave up on that early this year. Then later hoped friendship might come out of it.
But nothing so far. My ex was very instrumental in how things went here, as I was by a silly, impulsive act, and sometimes when I think about this issue - which I have been quite a lot lately, more's the irritation - I want to scream!
Can anyone see a resolution to this, or do I simply forget about it (as if I could) and move on? I thought I'd come to an acceptance of this situation and moved on, but for some reason I'm thinking about it a lot recently and it's driving me insane!
Thanks in advance for your insights,
It's hard to tell at this point, Chris. Your friend is feeling very anti-social towards everyone at the moment, not just you. He feels the easiest and most stress-free way is to avoid relationships of all kinds until he gets his head on straight. You confuse him so he is definitely avoiding you. It's not personal though - he's just really screwed up at the moment. But anyone's attempts to help him would just make him feel more helpless and useless. He has to figure this out for himself.
That sounds like him Captain. He was like this last year and the year before that. He always involves himself with women who don't treat him well and this keeps repeating itself. My ex made a point of telling me that this person thought I was a "bit mixed up" and that this guy was also in a relationship he was happy with. That was okay by me, but the last couple of weeks have brought thoughts of him back to me and for want of sounding like someone asking those usual love and relationship questions, I posted this up as the return of thoughts of him has confused ME a great deal. The last time I reached out to help him, everything went pear-shaped, so I'm very reluctant to go there again. But something tells me he's in need of help, though I can't presume it's mine he wants.
Thank you very much for this. Guess I'll just have to sit on the fence until the "storm" passes, as much as I'd like to know he's okay.
Chris, I feel your friend's mind was horribly screwed with by his mother or carer. He needs impersonal professional therapy.
Well this could explain a whole lot about him. Why he won't leave my mind is so frustrating, but then Cancerians love to cling on to the past ... I've always had the feeling he's been crying out for help, but he's covered it with a facade of bravado and "who cares?". He's even tried to kill himself a couple of times, although that's been more of a cheating death thing than actual suicide attempts (doing stupid things in his ute or quad bike). He jokes about his own life - or at least the importance of it and this is something which got my dander up a few years ago. Why? Who knows ... I just felt the need to make him realise his life was important; that HE was important. Of course, I'd love to be able to validate what you've said about his mother, carer or even significant female in his life who screwed with his mind. I had wondered that myself, and it came up in a reading he asked me to do for him last year. I couldn't, in all conscience, put any of that in the reading, so didn't. I think it would've opened a can of worms which didn't need to be released. He seems to be on a crash course of being available to women who do exactly what happened to him as a youngun, yet unavailable to those who truly care about HIM.
Anyway, enough raving for one day I think! Only time'll tell here, but the dreams I had of him last year were so clear and consistent that I felt like we were conducting a relationship in another realm. In those dreams however, it was HIM telling me I needed to get MY head together before WE could be together!! This may be true, but how ironic is that? It has made me wonder if he's a twin soul or similar, truth be told ...
Ah well. Can't go crying over spilt milk, but I'd like to move on from this, but don't really know how to. Attempts to do so in the past - like when I get to the point of those scissors cutting the cord - I can't seem to do it; it almost physically hurts and my heart feels like it's going to burst with sorrow. Go figure ...
Thank you again for your selfless and consistent help my friend. One day, this will resolve itself. Until then I have to keep myself together and weather the storm as best I can.
Blessings to you
lol this sounds so interesting! sorry about the lol but hey you got to do it with two guys at once, makes me a little jealous. Some talker that ex of yours- maybe u lost respect from the other guy, who really liked you alot and would have wanted you for himself. Ok we all do stuff that isnt that smart sometimes quit beating yourself up. Maybe if you let him know somehow your really not like that and its not your thing it was a first time experimental and you really like him and wish if you did it over you would have kicked the ex to the curb and it would have been a one on one only.
I did write him a letter earlier this year, but he chose either to not read it, read it and ignore its contents, threw it in the nearest bin or all of the above. I tried to explain my part in the whole sorry mess and apologised for getting him into something he should never have been pulled into. Yes, my ex husband is a true talker. He could sell ice to eskimo's and I have a hard time trying to get out and above his influence, particularly after 24 years of marriage. Leaving him was one thing, leaving him BEHIND is another thing entirely.
I'm very good at beating myself up hahaha, as if THAT ain't obvious But this was so close to my heart and I feel I've lost it forever which is what hurts the most.
One on one? I could only dream about that ... oh wait ... I DID dream about that, but the chances of those dreams coming true are fading further and further into the ethers. I'm at a loss - as said above - as to whether I'm best to leave this alone and move on, or tackle it head on and call this guy. I just wish HE'd be the one to call, it'd save me the anxiety!!
Well, I just felt as thou there would be a real connection between the two of you if not for your Stupid ex-husband seems like he is always getting in your way! Keeping you from true happiness and love. Althou, being in a marriage that long its like you know him like a brother- but still like gum that sticks to your shoe lol If you get what im saying lol
Oh I get it all right! And you're very correct about him getting in the way. I like the euphamism about gum sticking to a shoe ... it is a bit like that; we know each other so well and it's like a worn out, favourite pair of socks to a degree. I don't want to undervalue the time I spent with him either, but I really do want to move on from this bloody marriage and it's proving very difficult to do. Yes,I feel like he's always BEEN in the way of my own personal happiness, unless it was something he approved of. It took me years to see how controlled I was in that marriage, brother or not :))
There was/is a connection between me and this other guy - although he IS 16 yrs younger than me (just call me cougar :)) - but again, he sees more of my ex; I haven't seen him once in over a year, as I've said above, and I have no real idea what's been said about me by my "well-meaning" ex when I'm not around to hear it. He'd never outright run me down, but I imagine he'd make well thought out comments that could not be taken as obviously derogatory comments. In his view, I'm more like a "naughty little girl" who's gone off to find herself. Don't get me started ...
I just wish there was soemthign I could do here. The waiting and emotional wrangling are driving me insane!
Chris, that can of worms inside your friend is going to have to be opened up at some point and released or the 'worms' will just keep eating away at him without any healing occurring. Just because something is ignored doesn't mean it's healed. Forgive me, but I have to wonder if a part of you didn't want to lose his friendship by not bringing up such a painful subject. Maybe this is what keeps you connected to him - that feeling you have to be the 'can-opener' even if he hates you for it?
Well, yknow, on further thinking about this - even having regard to those thoughts I recall having when I did the reading for him last year - I'm wondering if it's him you're picking up or if it's actually my ex? I'm suggestig this because he's had some issues with is sister as well as his mother in his younger life. I'm only asking this because I know his energy can come across more strongly as it's still around me; much more than this other fellow.
Still n all, you could be right about the other guy too. My memory of those thoguhts is pretty dim after all the time that has elapsed and quite frankly, I'm even questioning myself as to whether it was my ex who this issue came up for, regardless of my focus on reading for the other guy.
The ex was accused of "beating up" on his sister years ago, and I can't know for sure how true that was. He denies it of course, but his own mother backs this up.
So this is why I'm wondering if he may be the one who's been screwed around by a significant female in his life rather than the other guy.
I'll have to think on this one - or ignore it!! - and see what comes. But see what you think when you get a moment. If it is the other fellow, then it just may be that I'll need to bring this out to him and take the risk he'll dislike me for a very long time, although I think he does already anyway; or at the very least, doesn't trust me.
Sometimes a person wonders why they try to do the right thing by themselves and live a more truthful life. I'm at a point where I really can't see the reason why I've bothered to take such a big step as all I can see ahead of me is more loneliness after a life already spent that way, truth be told.
Ah well. The path to truth is never an easy one, as is living a lie. One day ... one day ...
Thanks so much again,
I feel there may have been sexual and/or emotional/physical abuse in both these men's early lives. Maybe you are attracted to broken people through your empathy and desire to help 'fix' them..
This could be right also. When I look back I think I always wanted to "help" whoever I was with because I thought that's what relationships were about! I'd thought very hard about my attraction to this other guy - while trying to disregard the dreams I'd had of him for 8 years - as he certainly does have some shortcomings (for want of a better word) and I questioned whether or not I simply wnated to save him. Hard to know, but the reading I gave him was an effort at guidance for him and I haven't heard whether or not this reading was of any real help to him.
Someone else suggested an issue with sexuality with this fellow a very long time ago and it's certainly worth thinking about. Alhtough of course, I can't do anything about that considerign I haven't spoken to him in such a long time. There was certainly general abuse in my ex's early life and his mother has even said he should've got counselling.
So maybe now, it's time for me to be unencumbered by lost souls and be open to what comes next. In truth, I'm tired of "fixing" people and i do now believe that trying to do that only leads to dependency.
Thanks again, though I have to confess on first reading your response here, I had to go away and ponder on it before I replied! Truth hurts sometimes, but it's all good ... it's all good :))