Can't seem to function...can anyone help me



  • I was in a relationship for 5 years....we worked side by side renovating an old house...gutted it completely....it's not done but he has moved into it. He was living with me...then his son came...the boy was into drugs...stealing. He wound up in rehab....when the boys came out...I felt he should be kept on a tight leash....David thought we should 'trust' him. Many arguements and finally we aren't speaking. He says he has someone new. I just hurt so much....I don't know if I want to keep going on. I loved him with all I had.



  • my birthdate is 12/18/55 his is 7/23/55



  • Sunnyone, of course you must go on. Do not ever allow anyone to hurt you so bad that you feel like giving up. I know the pain is real but you cannot allow anyone to make you happy. They can only add to your happiness. No mate is ever worth giving up for! Ever! There are other people that love you.

    You sound like you have a huge heart and if he can't see that you were helping him and loved him and only had his son's best interest at heart, then that is his blindness. He is the one that is losing a good person in his life. You seem to be a wonderful person and in order to share that with anyone you have to take care of yourself. Use this time to do this. Surround yourself with people that make you happy. If daily is to much, then try weekly or as you feel like it.

    If he moved onto someone else that quick, he will make the same mistakes with them. If he truly loves you, he will realize he made a mistake. It sounds like he is lost and his son isn't giving him much time to reflect on what is happening. Be patient. If it is meant to be, it always works out.

    If it is not meant to be, then maybe God is opening a better door for you or maybe you were put into his life to teach him something. You will find the answers when you are ready.

    If you cannot completely walk away, then somehow let him know that you are hurt and you realize that he is lost and you will give him all the space he needs. You can tell him that when he is ready to realize that you love him and only wanted to help, that you will be here to talk. Then continue living your daily life taking care of yourself. If he does come around, I personally wouldn't jump right back into a relationship with him because he needs to get his head straight. You can keep him at a close distance for a while. I know it's hard but it will be much healthier for you and all involved if you take it slow. If you jump right back into it full force with him, he may not have time to fully appreciate you and end up hurting you again. Let him do the courting and let his heart miss you so that he is sure of what he wants.

    I know the pain is real and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Use this time to decide what it is that you want in a mate and what you do not want. Take very good care of yourself and maybe take up a hobby that makes you feel good. Maybe search for people on here that are hurting and see if you can help them. I've told three people today that by helping to heal other's wounds, we also heal our own wounds. It is so true, you'd be surprised at how many people are going through the same pain right now and feel alone. We can be surrounded by people that love us and still feel lonely. You can use that pain for good.

    May God Bless You and Heal Your Heart.



  • There will be a reconnect--spirit shows me a "foot" in the door opportunity. Use it wisely and try not to even bring up the past. You two are very passionate and say things in the heat of the moment that you can't take back and so it escalates. The reality must be adressed without the fears, pain. emotions that come from dealing with his son's issue--the drug abuse issue often spreads chaos and fear through the family like a cancer--this is normal in the best of families and relationships. He is in protective mode. When he contacts you--he will--use your head. If your x has a voice that sounds softer--without anger then you can suggest perhaps you both should see a counselor together and shift the responsability for desician making on a mediating party with your best interest at heart. You must raise your joy vibration right now to attract better things--spirit says PATIENCE---family issues are long term and up and down--try not to entertain the all or nothing thinking now. Dress up the house for Christmas and expect something wonderful. You will be fine--and remember when you two argue someone needs to bite there tongue--not go too far--take a walk--step away as the ego and pride get in the way and wounds are inflicted in the heat of the moment. This will pass. BLESSINGS!



  • Sorry Blmoon I misspelled your name in another post!!!

    Sunnyone2u, are you still here? How are you doing?



  • Hi Sunnyone, I'm not a rehab specialist but tend to agree with your boyfriend. People need to be trusted. Maybe you feel that he's not trustworthy. Give him the chance to work thru his problems. I feel that if he's an adult, it's something that he needs to work thru. Parents and their kids can be a touchy subject for anyone so don't feel alone. This seems to be a common problem. Your boyfriend may not have someone new. Maybe just wants to provide a safe haven for son realizing that he has a problem.

    In this situation time will tell. I think you could offer some peace of mind by letting him know that you hope it gets better. Sometimes we don't have all the answers.



  • Daliolite, your right. Sometimes, holding onto a child so tight can actually make them want to run but there are times when not holding tight enough can cause havoc on the family. It all depends on the situation, the child, the parents and the communication. No two families are alike.

    Trusting someone, that was far enough into drugs to steal for, is a very thin line. I truly feel for Sunnyone. Your're right, time will tell.