May I ask advice from Chris1962 and anyone else who would like to offer insight?



  • Hello..my name is Patricia..I'm new to this forum.

    I recently relocated..kinda sta

    rting over. Been throuh some emotional upheaval. Because of this I am not sure what to think of where things stand with this guy Chris...just whatever comes to mind would be appreciated.

    Much thanks

    P 🙂



  • Can you provide the birthdates of both people?



  • 2/6/59 and 11/05/61..(thanks..)

    P



  • Is that Feb 6 and Nov 5, or 2 June and 11 May?



  • Feb 6 and Nov 5..I'm the Aquarius..he's the Scorpio

    P 🙂



  • Feb 6 and Nov 5..I'm the Aquarius..he's the Scorpio

    P 🙂



  • OK, you two have big temperamental differences which can arouse friction within the relationship. These tensions however are highly provocative, producing a dynamic at once challenging and seductive. Though there can be all sorts of difficulties here, dull moments will be few and far between. You Patricia will be pleased to have your emotions stirred so deeply but you may also be disturbed by your friend's intrusions. He will love the passion in the relationship, even though he might not always take you very seriously. Actually this matchup as a whole is best taken with a grain of salt and a twinkle in the eye, a healthy way to avoid its otherwise inevitable tension and frustration.

    In a love affair, smoldering desires can stir up all sorts of passionate feelings. If this fiery matchup ever dies down, its embers can quickly be rekindled to white heat. Marriage too tends to hold something in reserve - something to keep it from burning out. Even after spending long periods apart, when you two are together again, you will feel an almost immediate warmth as if lit by an eternal flame.

    Friendship here sees you both tending to engage in banter bordering on outright insult - you two often have great fun trying to one-up each other or have the last word. Actually, serious competition and jealousy can sometimes emerge here, but you two are usually well aware of how quickly such feelings can be aroused and rarely let your relationship turn hostile.

    In a domestic or professional setting, you Patricia have a relaxed approach that can captivate your friend, who however can nevertheless be extremely demanding and critical, disapproving of the very attitudes that attracted him in the first place. He can often exhibit a dark brooding intensity that serves no useful purpose. You must be careful here Patricia about playing with fire. Your jokes with each other may be taken seriously. Take the time to be clear about what you mean. Your friend will need to learn to lighten up and relax more.



  • Hi Patricia

    Thanks for asking me for a reading, although I've seen that The Captain has given you some help here which has taken the edge off my own tardiness in getting to this! She has given you a great deal of guidance here, but I haven't read through The Captain's answers, so bear with me if I repeat anything that's already been said.

    This man Chris brings across a very stoic energy here. One who is very straight down the line in a lot of ways. He has a devil-may-care, casual sort of persona which I feel has been largely fabricated to hide his true self, which is a very sensitive soul and one who isn't really given to spontaneity very often. I don't think he trusts too easily and expects a great deal from himself and others. His significant other will be challenged constantly by his constant need for almost perfection. I also feel he never really does relax; like he's quite hard to be around sometimes because he's always "doing".

    I feel that anything long term with you two will be a lot of hard work on your part, although if your feelings are strong enough for him, you'll weather the storm. I don't think living together would be a hugely great idea as you will need time and space away from him fairly often. You're an independent soul I feel, and one who needs freedom, both in your choices and way of living. He may try to control that and tamp it down, which would not be good for you. He brings across an image of someone who wants to be in control and to lead; to be the one who makes the decisions.

    This may not be quite what you want to hear, but I honestly don't feel this is a match made in heaven - so to speak - but with hard work and compromise you could make it work. It's whether or not you're up to the task, and if he's willing to bend a bit. Otherwise, this will burn out and run its course. Even though that may sound a bit negative, this relationship will teach you so much about yourself, because one thing he'll be good at is getting you to stretch yourself way past your limits. As exhausting as that can be, it'll show you how much you can give to a partnership, and anything after this will be a lot easier on you.

    As always with readings, the choice at the end of the day is up to the parties involved. If your gut instinct is telling you not to pursue this, then follow it. Otherwise, be ready for a roller coaster ride! I feel you're emotionally exhausted already, so a break for a while would be good so you can recharge your batteries. You've done a lot of work lately and it hasn't really "fed" you all that much, but drained you.

    The main message I have here is that you be kind and considerate to yourself; don't be led by the will of another. Follow your heart, and listen to what it's telling you.

    I hope this helps!

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo



  • The Captain and Chris...

    Thank you both very much for your replies.

    Astrologically speaking I can see it's an uphill battle for me. I can attest tothe fact that I did all the work.

    I asked for insight and advice because as mentioned..I am emotionally drained.I asked as to where Chris and I stood but that isn't what is toturing me.

    I met him quite a few years ago..after leaving a 20 year marriage..the death of my Mother and my twin sister moving to a different state..I ws a mess..Iwas out with friends..kinda like busting out of a stating gate..and he showed up..sat in my lap and I never laughed so hard..

    I coud go into tons of detail but what ended up happening was I found out he was married ( via Facebook )..I asked him when i first met him..he said he was divorced..which was true..from his first wife.

    I could go on and on about all the signs ...I knew ..but I convinced myself that his aloofness was because ( in his words ) he had been burned ( twice he said..what is up with that if he's still married??)

    I confronted him in December last year..he said he didn't tell me because he was scared..I said it was decietful..he called himself dispicable..I said he was proud of it..he replied not to get into what he was proud of and what he wasn't..where he had been where he was now and what lay ahead left hi with a hard shell nd left him with an I don't care about much attitude..he said his agenda was himself..that he wished it were different but t was all he could handle..I didn't know what to think of that....what came to mind was it was a selfish copout..but I didn't respond because well..because he never claimed to want anythg more than what we had..this casual thing..and to be honest I never asked for more.. .

    I was going through a rough time..I had lost my job and was looking at having to relocate ..I didn't tell him ,,He had got arrested a month before for a DWI..rehab..jail..electronic braclet,,, we emailed a bit..but he wasn't talking much..I got over emotional..I said I had thouht I was ok with him being married but I was't..I thikback nd must hve realized he backed off after calling him out..

    I was relocating..I didn't tell him but I asked to meet up ....I hated how this was panning out.. he'd respond to safe stuff but not to anything regarding meeting up.I stopped trying.

    I had a girlfriend that knew all the details..she siad maybe write a letter to him..get everything off my chest....i said no cuz please ..this was just a guy who wanted to play...I joked if she was so angry she shoud write him..

    She emails me the letter and I almost fainted..she wrote that I had oved nd I ws havinga had time moving on without having heard from him. ..that I was pissd when I found out he was married but had let it go beause I had grown fond of him..that sheralized hehad ben going through the DWI nightmare andhoped he was coping okay but that he really should do the right thing and say something to me.

    I was horrified..wrote her back and said don't you dare senda letter like that..she said she already sent it.I asked her why and she cuz i asked her to.Iaid well yeah but i asumed if at all you'd let me read it beforehand!!.

    About a weel later ( this is July ) I was checking m email and there was reply from him

    Hi..I hear you're in NH,,hoe all is going well.I'm writing in response to a letter from your friend.My silence was driven by the return of my sanity.My head is clear now. Focusingonwhat's important. Please be assured Iam doing this for myself. I hope you can moveonand that yourfutureis filled with happiness.

    I never replied. I don't think he wanted nor expected one.

    I am struggling with this. I thought it was selfish and devoid of any wrong doing and yet I can't get angry because he never commited you know??? I mean look how esy it was for him to say see ya!

    As much as I am actually happy that if in fact he hs decided to work on his marriage the fact is I didget attached ad II am angry beause d I known hewas married I would never have allowed myself to.

    I miss him. He made me laugh so much..he ad I had some amazingly creative email commuications..he was quite funny.

    I'm just torn up. I need to move on. I want to rip him apart for but kow it won't matter..I don't know how to process al these mixed feelings.

    P 😞



  • Hi again Patricia,

    I get the feeling this is the first time you've been with a guy who actually made you LAUGH; like all your past rel's have been oh so serious. I confess to not picking up that he was married, but then, his marriage musn't mean that much to him and doesn't play a very big part in his life. He likes the security of being married, but I don't get that he's all that keen on the other stuff that goes with it ... like an actual WIFE 🙂

    I feel you're tearing yourself apart because you knowingly got involved with someone who was married. Well, a high percentage of the human population does something like this at least once in their lives, so with those odds, I'd be forgiving yourself pretty quick! You are only human. This man gave you somethign entirely different to what you'd experienced previously, and now you know what to look for in future: someone who you can laugh with and actually enjoy BEING with, rather than a relationship being mostly work and little play.

    Give yourself time to get over this, while going easy on yourself for what happened. You're not to blame. I get that he's a very persuasive individual; used to getting his own way. You were vulnerable at the time you met him and he took advantage of that.

    So there's another thing you've learned from this: you deserve better.

    So shake off the dust from this, accept the lessons learned and go out into the world a much more relationship savvy person. You are fine on your own; just fine. Your "interfering" friend had your best interests at heart to a degree, but I get that she can be a real meddler and one who likes to blow things up out of proportion. Also she comes across as someone who thinks "she needs help sorting out her life and I'm just the girl to do it" - a real rescuer.

    Try to steer clear of people like this, or at least, limit the time you spend with them and how much you tell them.

    So please, forgive yourself, give yourself another chance, and most importantly: give to yourSELF for once.

    Hope this helps you further,

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox



  • I agree with Chris. Most of your emotion here is anger at yourself - feeling stupid and weak when really you were in an emotional hellhole from all the deaths of loved ones. You weren't thinking straight - but deep down you didn't want anyone to get close to you in case they too passed on so you attracted someone who would not commit. Give yourself a break and forgive (yourself, your ex-lover and your girlfriend). Chalk this one up to experience - at least you know now that you want a guy with a good sense of humour and creativity. Now you can look for someone who wants to commit. So you did actually get a lot out of this experience. Thank your 'teacher' and move on, like he has. There are many more amazing people and experiences waiting for you out there.



  • Well said Cap'n! xoxoxoxoxoxox



  • Ladies,Thank you.Captain do you have a name cuz every time I start to write The Captain I hear Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum in my head, LOL! Love the Emoticon

    You both have not said anything I am surprized to hear..being the analitical Aquarian that I am I have replayed this over and over. I realize he moved on. What pisses me off is he did it to me first! Jerk. LOL! Like hey I was married the whole time..sorry you got hurt. GoodLuck .See ya.. He supposedly is in AA..and it seemed he used that as his out..which again is fine..I'm glad he's gettig help for his kids sake and his wife's but that's not my concern..just it aggravates e heused iit to resolve himself of any responsibilty.

    I don"t know that I went after someone who was non commital because I feared theyd die. My ex husband is still alive..it's my Mom that passed. But I will say that I don't want another ball and chain type guy that the ex was.

    I suppose I asked for insight because I thought I misjudged him somehow but really I'm just looking for a perspective that can work the anger and hurt around. I hate feeling like the victim.I know there are lessons here. I know he isn't worth the pain...but I still can't seem to do it. But thanks for the advice. 🙂

    P



  • Hi Patricia

    I am going out on a limb here in saying that I wonder if there is an issue from childhood to do with your own father that this man has re-awakened in you? I don't believe every trauma we experience has to do with childhood or parenting, but sometimes it sure does relate to something from our formative years. Maybe he brought out a sense of abandonment you thought was long gone? And absolving himself from responsibility ... Think about who was very significant in your earlier life who may have done this to you. This could be why you're so affected by this. If this is so, then it's not a bad thing. It needs to be dealt with, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling this.

    If I have reopened old wounds, I very much apologise and you can vent your anger at me as much as you like. AT the end of the day though, this will be cleansing for you.

    If I am off the mark, then there may simply be an unresolved issue of anger and abandonment which possibily stems from a past life either spent with this man or someone else, and now you're being asked to deal with for once and for all.

    I hope some of this makes sense, and as I said above, if I've opened up old wounds, I'm sorry, but I was led to say this.

    Let me know how it goes,

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo



  • Patricia, I'm Sharelle. 🙂



  • Chris and Sharelle 🙂

    This is getting complicated..no Cris I'm not angry at you for suggesting these possibilties...

    My Dad was an alcoholic..My Mom left him when i was 7..course I didn't know he was one till later on...I sincerely don't feel I have abandonment issues where he or Chris is concerned..My Dad didn't leave me..my mom left hm! I do think though that is why I seem to snag every alcoholic on the planet! I didn't know Chris was that bad till that 2nd DWI..

    My issue with my anger with Chris I feel i sjustified..why shouldn't I be angry?? I suppose I allowed a lot of this..again convincing myself i didn't want another ball and chain...maybe the issue is my exposure to alcoholics most of my life..however, I feel I am justified in my anger towards his lack of responsibilty and to expect him to do the right thing and at least owning up to his deception..to at least hear from him that he was sorry ..he knew I cared...I deserved that much..didn't I?

    P



  • Oh and yes,,this has affected me deeply. Because it's been along time since I allowed myself to feel for anyone..and I was strongly attracted to Chris..physically and emotionally..as I mentioned he made me laugh..not man men have impressed me once they opened their mouths! LOL! and we were on an even par itellectually as well.

    P



  • You may feel justified to be angry but your anger is not affecting him, only hurting you by making you feel bad. So is it worth it?



  • I agree with the Captain here. Is it worth it? Think about why this anger is there and try to release it. There are meditations you can do for this. I think you also need to undertake meditations to release the past. You are not a magnet for alcoholics, but I feel your subconscious beliefs are drawing these broken people to you. You can't fix them and you aren't responsible for their short-comings. Once you believe this, you'll be free of it.

    Hope this helps

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


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