I can't quit thinking about



  • My ex husband!

    He's remarried. I'm currently by myself. I've know him now for over 20 years we've been apart 3.

    Why can I not get this man out of my head? Or my heart? I always think that's it I am done and then some memory comes back and once again I find myself in tears over this situation.

    Will he ever come back into my life? Even as a friend? If so when? We are SOOOO distant now & it has to do with his wife who is in constant manipulation of him. Will they remain together? Or will he wake up and get away from her?



  • It's simple - you will never forget him or get over him as long as you have even a crumb of hope of winning him back. You will grow old clinging to this empty hope. Time to let go, move on and find real love with someone who will love you back.



  • Thats what I am afraid of but I just can't seem to let go. I've tried a MILLION times and every time I think I am fine something comes up. Memories here there and everywhere!! I am trying. Does he ever think about me?

    Into the future when might I meet someone?



  • Have you gotten rid of every photo or memento you have of him or boxed them away so you can't look at them and be reminded? Have you deleted his phone number and email address? I don't really feel you have tried hard enough to forget and move on because you are still hoping he will come back. If you want to get over him, think more on the bad times rather than the good or what you hoped the relationship could be.



  • Bejeweled, when a man has been gone for 3 years, has remarried and moved on with his life, it is because he has chosen to do so.

    It seems to hurt less if you can give another explanation, blame it on a third party, but the reality is that it was time for the relationship to end.

    Someone needed to grow in another direction.

    The Love you feel for this person does not die, and you will always for the rest of your life remember with bittersweetness what you shared in this lifetime.

    Unless you allow the love to fly free and let it go you are keeping yourself tethered to a whipping post. It is time to let it all go and free your heart so that you can continue to grow in this lifetime. Wish him well in your heart, and free your mind and spirit.

    There are alot of people in the world who need someone's time, caring and support. If you look around to see how you might help a child, and older one, or others who need compassion it will help to dissolve the lonliness you feel. It will also strengthen you knowing that the effort you put forth isnt in vain.

    May Peace and abundant love flow back into your spirit.



  • Captain,

    I've been trying. Been working on that for the last two weeks. But pictures or other stuff keep coming up. Now his mom & dad treated me and our kids to a nice thanksgiving meal.....bought it to us from 4 hours away......and last night she is calling me talking for 2 HOURS! I am not sure why she is calling so much or trying to be so nice. I don't know what to think! I've even told her I may be gone out of town some and I asked her if she would like to stay with the kids and she's volunteered to come and help out and even help me get some stuff cleaned up so the house is more together. I don't know where she is coming from with all this. I don't know what to think!???

    It's hard for me to think of bad times whenever I try to be optimistic, but your right I need to think of more of the bad! No doubt about it!

    Patch,

    Thank you!

    I remarried first but it didn't work out. Everyone told me he married her because he lost me. I definitely needed to grow and I've definitely been working on that!! 🙂 I am trying hard to let him go but it is sooooo many years of my life! I try to look at it from an outside point of view but its like a sticky trap. I hate it in ways, I honestly do.

    I have to start working on writing my book! I know that is something that I need to do so all of this will not be in vain. I feel like a very blessed woman because I know God gave me all of this to share, if I don't share it, there is no point of me going thru it! Now I just have to get brave enough to put it together and send it out! REJECTION is something that I don't do well!!

    Thank you both.



  • Your inlaws are sensing your misery and are trying to be there for you and their grandkids. They feel a bit guilty for the way their son treated you.



  • I could totally believe that!

    But............this is exactly why I have a hard time letting go! How do I do this with his mother calling me all the time & wanting to be around me and the kids? I know she does not like his new wife either and wants rid of her. I have to wonder if she thinks he's still loves me and thinks if she can show him I've "grown up" if he will get rid of his wife and come back to me?

    See how this is so confusing to my heart?

    I feel sorry to for my ex in laws because his wife is so manipulating they can't get time with their son or my son if he is with my ex. I want them to have time with the kids and it would help if they or she stayed if I start going out of town some, but how could I go forward in my life or forget him if I have them in the picture calling and constantly around? It's hard to when this lady has been like a mom to me for 23 years and even though she's done her share of manipulating not to feel sorry for her too.

    I wish sometimes my heart was made of stone but by the grace of God it's not.



  • It doesn't really matter what the ex in-laws want, but what the ex wants. He is looking forward, not back.

    Do you really have to associate your ex with the in-laws so much? Think of them as the kid's grandparents rather than your ex's parents.



  • I've been trying to do that with them actually. Thinking ok these are my kids grandparents and they are looking out for them. I am their mother and they've known me since I was my youngest childs age......more then half my life.........of course they want to be involved especially whenever their son has cut off so much of the communication that he use to have with his mother. Of course she wants a good relationship with me as I am thinking she feels sometimes like I am her only connection to "back home"....they moved last year after 30+ years........and a good relationship with her grandchildren.

    On another thought:

    This wouldn't be so weird if I wouldn't have had a dream months ago where me and them (inlaws) were on a vacation and people were asking my father in law who was that lady (meaning me) and he was just looking at me smiled and said, "A friend." He told me after they left in the dream that there was no use of explaining the whole story, it is what it is. I get a lot of forth coming events in dreams maybe this one was one of them.

    In a way I am much happier now that the ex is gone and I think even though sometimes my heart is attached in ways my brain is saying STOP, do not be around any of this whenever you have so much GREAT life left to live. Do NOT go backwards, GO FORWARD! You have to much to accomplish to have that burden bringing you down.

    I can "read" some by the way but "reading" myself is somewhat confusing whenever I'm in a serious situation. Make sense?

    HUGS by the way. I appreciate your time, I know you read a lot of people & I thank you. I believe that I KNOW what is RIGHT, I just have to convince myself of it!! Your helping me sound board and hear back what I know I am telling myself. Someone besides me or family just needs to be there to help. That's where you fit in. So THANKS for helping!



  • just because you are thinking of him a lot or all the time, or even most of the time, absolutely does not mean he is supposed to be with you, or you are supposed to be with him. it only means that you are thinking about him, your past with him, the kids relationship with him, and their relationship with their grandkids. his mother is the one that is manipulating you. think about him, and you 2 in the past all you want. it won't make a hoot of a difference.

    you are just stuck on thinking about him all the time. would n't it be nice if you could free yourself of thinking about him so much? think of all that space in your head if you would just let go...



  • beejeweledbyroo

    I feel the same pain in my own life but luckily my x in laws are in another country but thinking of him and dreams are the same. I think of all the bad things he did in the 15 years we were together and how he not once in the 3 years on his own has called our son that we both adopted at birth. He know has a girlfriend and a son that the doctors told us was not possible. I feel cheated in some ways but then that was how I felt when we were married. When we were married it was really really good or really really bad. He cheated a lot and I played miss betty crocker at home with blinders. I recently got remarried to a very good man who I love and care for but I am not in love with him, this time i want to inter with my head not my heart weather that works or not god only knows but when I think of my xs I just tell myself it is part of grieving for the life I left behind. I give myself the What are you thinking speach and then move on. I take my son to see my x in laws and we do the phone relationship because I call but I have distanced myself because I need to leave room for my replacement. My x mother in law says i will always be her daughter in law and she loves me, as do I her but if I do not give space I loose my self to the old life that no longer exist. I have accepted that I will always love him and care for him but if I can turn that love into one of a loved one not a husband then I can move on. It is not easy it is just life, with a lot of prayer and effort there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The love and confusion you have to rationalize and place it in its place in your life and except it for face value not what we wish into it. I hope you all the best and it really does help to pack it all away and replace those photos with new memories of you and your kids. There is always a good man looking for a good woman or vice versa the problem is letting yourself out there to try. Use the love you feel for your x as a bookmark to what you want to feel with someonelse in a new chapter of you life without all of the bad chapters you have live with him in 20 years. It is hard to change but sometimes it can be worth it all when you have someone that respects you, loves you and shows it everyday ( begin with yourself because you have to love you for you first) the rest will come. Wish you all the love and peace that your heart can hold.



  • Bejewelledroo, that was just a fear dream you had, coming from your subconscious dread of what might happen in the future - that your kids will become lost to you just like the ex is. But that won't happen as long as you continue to have a close connection with them. Be careful however that your fear of losing them doesn't make you so clingy and possessive that they become smothered and want to get away.



  • Its been a busy few weeks.

    Thanks to all!

    Everything everyone said makes sense to me in some form or another. It is good to feel like I am not alone in this situation. Meaning am I the ONLY one that goes through this process? You know you have to go forward, but you get stuck, give yourself the prep talk and move on for it to only last a while and then come back. Rinse repeat. I am however in the last month really really thinking of everything and it is in fact time to close this OLD chapter. I have so much going on right now and so much to look forward to. My life is busy and it seems to get fuller by the day, no use of carrying around dead weight.

    He has also chosen not to have a relationship with our daughter and there is now a wedge forming with our son. He doesn't want to be with his father now either.

    I know with a lot of prayer and dedication I will do my best with my children, even if it's on my own, some how some way God always makes a way for me. Time to remember that I need to put my faith in Him. Be busy with my own life and maybe just maybe one day when I least expect it & have time....lol really my schedule is getting HECTIC....Mr. Right will one day appear.

    Thanks to all of you again. I can honestly say I can relate to every personal story that was shared with me. Thanks for the time. I am sorry to be so late getting back, but I've been working through all sorts of "mental" things this month! I am beginning to look at things differently and starting to be very thankful for my new life and hoping that it is going to turn out as great as what I expect it to.

    My love to each of you!