What does my life have in store for me?



  • I am 28 born 11/14/1982. I have been through some unimaginable things in my short lifetime and I feel it has made me confused about life. I feel that karma is taking out all her negativity on me for things I've done and haven't done yet. I've been molested by several family members and babysitters on several occasions (to include my biological dad), grew up with an dad that was physically abusive to my mom and brother, had miscarriages, I felt betrayed and cheated on my ex-husband when we were dating with a close friend, involved in a car accident that totaled my car and son's father accidentally caught my apartment on fire in the same day, had to file for bankruptcy at 23 because of the fire, relationship problems back and forth, problems at work (served in Air Force for 6 years) led to me separating, son's father (also my now exhusband) getting involved with another person, they break up and we get married, he cheats on me with this person he was involved with (and recently just announced they are engaged), files for divorce, i try to kill myself and almost succeed, i get diagnosed with bipolar, depression and manis ensues (always seemed to be my pattern from highschool on), have problems with job now and parents, people in general, become open to a lot of things and see things differently (ie. trips to NY and meeting random people, hedonism,etc) modifying my religion from christian to christopagan, and that's not even half of it.... im not sure where I am going with this anymore. I have started rambling. I know I can't have my life's path placed right in my face. But I don't like the back and forth with my relationship or the unknown with my job, if I will have to work for the rest of my life or get put on disability. If I'll try to take my life again and follow through... So many things I want to know or get some insight on, but where do I start...and why for the life of me when I have the knowledge I dont want to accept it or lack the energy and time to put it into effect... Is it the disorder or is it all in my head? Is my son suffering more than we all think he is because of this and if his ADHD will get better and...it goes on but I know I have to stop... Thank you guys for taking the time to read this, i know it's all over the place but that's how I feel now....I'd appreciate any help...


Log in to reply