What is my problem?!
Hi Captain, Dangala, Shuabby:
I'm just wondering - as you've all been remarkably on point regarding so many other topics - what is my problem recently? I've been having serious social issues - and without intention - causing hurt to people I care for. I feel like I can't quite get my arms around my own issue - and want desperately to change this behavior. It's reared it's ugly head before; but has had a prominence again in the past 2 weeks.
I'm hoping you can help me see the forest through the trees so that I can evolve past this, before I hurt anyone else; and potentially isolate myself further.
I feel a lot of old unresolved anger in you that must be dealt with. You have to find the real source of it or you will keep lashing out at everyone willy-nilly. I feel it goes back to how you were treated as a child. There is a sense in you of always being mistreated in relationships. You want to hurt others as you were hurt.
any advice on getting to the source? i really don't want others to hurt. nor do i want to have pain/anger be dominant themes in my life.
Look back at your past and try to remember how you felt about how you were treated as a child. I feel the answers are there.
Also see if you can connect how you felt in the past with something that has occurred in the last two weeks that set off a painful memory.
I feel a sense of fear within you of getting too close to others...a fear that you will be hurt. If you distance yourself from other then you have less likelyhood of being hurt or rejected.
You are having doubts within and about yourself
. To overcome this, focus on your positive attributes you have exhibited in relationships and let the warmth of love flow without restraint.
We all face eventual loss in lovingwhether through death or growing apart. It is all a part of our growing to deeper appreciation of what we do experience here.
Everything will be all right, truly it will.
Captain, I appreciate the advice about reflecting on my childhood. I've done a LOT of that in my life...I feel very aware of my childhood: my perceptions of injustices as a child, actual wrongs, and simply the fact that my folks were doing the best they could (becoming a parent helped a lot with that).
Lately, I've been straddling the fence between two worlds: that of being a mommy - and that of being an artist, free spirit, lover, friend (essentially - who I was before being a mommy). Being a single mom has allowed me this time and space to explore that place again. But it's difficult to incorporate my higher self, the wisdom I've gained, and the compassion and fearlessness I have on the other side now.
Patchlove: You are completely right about a sense of fear of getting too close. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop: a fear that once people know the real me, they'll bail. Maybe this is why I can come on with the intensity and inappropriate integrity of someone with autism. Perhaps I need a muzzle...
It's funny, because I'm usually okay with the loss of love - I always learn so much from it - and grow so much more...but this is a scary place to be. Two of my newest and closest friends in my small town have let me know I have crossed a line with them - and the man I was just dating; let me know that he was done after a serious miscommunication that involved me being a social retard and hurting him. Ugh...
As if I didn't already scrutinize everything I say - now I feel I have to REALLY watch every word that comes outta my mouth.
Thanks both of you for your time and compassion...I'm really throwing myself a huge pity party over here.
WildPlaces, there's a difference between being aware of your past and dealing with it. I still feel there are unresolved issues and pain about it inside you. Can you say you have really forgiven the people concerned? Or just tried to forget? This fear of getting close is directly related to the way you were treated in childhood so obviously there are still issues to sort.
Also I feel that there may be some problem opening yourself up sexually to your partner which may cause you to chase them off. Could you have inherited negative ideas about sex from your parents? Also I am sensing possible issues with money and disease/cleanliness phobias.
Coming from someone who has stuck her foot in her mouth many a time...me....in my experience social inappropriateness is very common and miscommunication happens. There is a lot of focus on behaving appropriately... professionally. You may look at what works for you. I am a sensitive but I wouldn't call myself a "psychic" but as a woman who has been a single mom and reared her head against the conformity of society many a time.... I say let your freak flag fly and try not to let others opinions bother you. Apologize if you stepped on toes and balance that w/ being true to yourself. I'm not saying to dauntlessly go w/ out some self restraint or dignity but to give yourself permission to be yourself. I've had to let go of people because they wanted me to put up w/ what i would call some very high maintenance on my part to maintain a relationship. My laugh was too loud(?) or I was too intense. I realized I could not make my energy smaller, that is was their control issues. You seem very bright, in my opinion thinking there is something wrong is part of the problem ya know? From what I've read I like ya just the way ya are. Best of luck.
I seem to keep gravitating to your posts! Everything I pull up, your there...
I think the last we spoke we have the same sun, moon or rising????? Anyway, Just dropping a line saying I am feeling the same pain. So sorry your going through it!
Thanks everyone! Captain, I definitely have had issues of letting people know the real me - as well as not knowing me. And it definitely was rooted in feeling my parents and other people didn't accept me as I was.
This year has been all about authenticity for me: without being selfish. My "freakflag" is definitely at high mast (Love that @PFree); and I'm fine with stirring things up. It's just, I've been all "Id" at a couple of key, uninhibited moments. And it's like I'm speaking with a forked tongue.
@aqua2378: Maybe it's in the stars or something - this all started right around Venus' stationary in Libra...is it possible Venus retrograde combined with Jupiter retrograde are actually beneficial for certain signs.
Wild Places, could it be that there is nothing wrong with you? Maybe you have a bigger than life personality? An eccentric maybe ? Those two you speak of, there is no loss there dear. They can't handle you. ...their personality and intelligence does not reach your level. There is nothing wrong with you. You are very open, free, and honest and this scares many people, specially men.
Don't feel you need to change. Keep being your authentic self. If some people can't handle you that is THEIR issue not yours. If some misunderstand you, they could always ask you about it, instead of judging first..
One more thing.. there is nothing more refreshing than having a conversation with someone who does not wear masks. Someone who talks without thinking, nothing calculated. Just pure honesty from deep within, from the heart and soul, not from societies view. I respect honesty and the confidence to be oneself. You are doing just fine, Miss.
I am enjoying your posts; I was rereading and 2 things dawned on me.
1, My son has a form of autism, and he does speak without thought to other's positons. It can be embarrassing at times...but it can be funny too once it's understood that he doesnt mean offense. He has an honest heart and never would hurt anyone intentionally. He has few friends, though he views everyone as a friend. He's 28 now and I don't think he's going to change. I love himvery much, even with the challenges we've had with him. Being misunderstood is one of the largest. My husband doesn't understand as well as I do. I'm his mother and I know his heart.
But people outside of the family have a very difficult time.
2, you remind me a friend I've known for years. She too, is full of love and humor- her mind works at a hundred miles an hour and sometimes when she verbalizes her mind and it can leave me in a tailspin, lol. I find I have to concentrate very closely on what she's saying to catch the things she isn't. She is extremely strong, and yet not at all.
The people that care enough to, will understand. The other that can't....well, they miss out on a fantastic opportunity to see how someone else's mind works.
Peace and love be with you,
Dangala and Chris:
I haven't been in the forums for a while, this issue has really been troubling me and keeping me feeling so uncomfortable with myself. I have recently come to a point of feeling like there is a balance between two realities: one is that there are times where I go beyond honesty and simply speak without social grace/compassion. these times always seem to be fueled by alcohol (and it doesn't take much) so I have stopped drinking spirits. the other is that yes, though my delivery hasn't always been graceful or kind - the intent has always been from a good place (even when inebriated) and there are just some messages that people aren't ready to hear.
I'm feeling better about myself because I'm handling the elements in my life that keep me from being able to recognize who is ready for my honesty, and filter myself; and not seeing this as that there is something terribly wrong with me. Also, I've acknowledged that I can get a bit confrontational as a reaction to stress - which is not how I want to be - so I'm working on dealing with my stress in healthy ways.
I just wanted to thank you both for your care, time, and compassion. Much love to you both.
I think we all go in shifts when we come here; I know I do.
I congratulate you on opening your eyes and heart in perception.
You are so right. Some are not ready to hear truth..and if they need to be..it takes times to let it sink in. The person who is ready for growth may listen and reflect.
We have wonderful advice however, to let whatever we have to say "be seasoned with salt",
that it may be palatable to the hearer, more tasteful, easily digested..
If we truly have someone's best interest in mind, we must find a way to say what we feel we need to say in a loving manner.
It can be very difficult at times.. and I have found it to be a continual process of thought in the background to be able to do it. Of course I still fail sometimes..I'm not perfect.
The realization of imperfection makes me a little more tolerant of things I used to criticize.
We are all in a state of growth. We all, I think, sometimes wish we were more spiritually advanced. Unfortunately though, lol...it takes going down the road to get there.
Don't be hard on yourself. You are awesome! And congrats too on getting the alcohol in check. It has been my downfall as well in hurtful communication patterns...and I appreciate the strength to keep it in check. It keeps gertting easier as I see myself going forward and onward into true living.
Thanks for coming back..and keep coming back...when it is time
Thanks so much again for your compassion and reassurances Chris.
Actually, at the earlier part of the month, I went to a Compassionate Communication Workshop, and also have started a meditation practice again. These things have helped me to release the negative energy I was holding onto, to forgive myself; and to attempt to apologize to those I hurt. They may not be ready for the apology (now or ever) as I haven't heard back from them; but it doesn't hang over my head anymore.
Now, I recognize that while I wanted to "help" and be honest - I was also coming from an analytical position, which is a place that only serves to disconnect us from others, rather than establish connections - the way that listening, sharing, and expressing/owning our own emotions can.
No longer drinking has been great (I might still enjoy a sociable glass of wine; but spirits are out - no pun intended ; )). I've been able to establish connections in my community with very positive people, and have begun a new journey on a path that I've always wanted to take: getting truly involved in my community in a way that serves the greater good, and fulfills my creative side.
It was painful to go through that process - but so well worth it! Life is like that, isn't it? Like the pain of child labor brings you the gift of seeing your child face-to-face...
All the best,
Wild Places; I was drawn to your post. I rememmber you saying something about telling people things that they do not want to here; I understand that and you have intentions to serve them well. I experience that alot and am often out of a "circle". I held a bulimic addiction that resonated after I quit taking sleeping pilss that then turned into smoking and now trying to quite smoking and having thoughts about old patterns. I understand that the alcohol will throw off your perception and that repeat process of thoughts can become a habit thus you may act in situations based of "influenced " perceptions. Alot of it could also be at that time you were not on your path to your divine social circle. I was trying to make things work with people but they have to help themselves. I finnaly found my circle early this year. I too go to inner light healings. I am one to be blunt at times but where I stand now people ask for it and like honest and direct words. I joined air force and ship out in a week! Yes community with selfless service is key:) Those endeavors are involved with already strong individuals that will not exalt ill will but beyond power of will; selfless purposfull actions and that energy is very positive with continuing the energy it carries it instills you:) The people I am around seek higher self knowledge and can live as independents; not going from one relationship to another and so on...
As far as what you said, yes what ever pain you incured early on in life created a emotionall need, then that situation effects your perceptions in life and that perception can be thrown off as you may continue an addiction or behavior habit that resonates from the root cause; the emotional pain and the emotional need that held an addiction to fill a void. You know the answer. I am happy to hear you are doing well and are seeking inner knowledge.
One thing from a past experience I held; when counseling or talking with people I find that people are more willing to work with you involving truth when you ask them questions first. Accusations can give off a lower frequency. If you ever seek counsel I have been chatting with capricorn444; he is a proffessional counselor and stated by asking me questions then he made fair conclusions but he really opened me up:)