I need help



  • I have been in a relationship for three years. During the past four months we have been having tremendous amount of problems but this past week was the worst ever. He stopped calling and has not looked for me. I have attempted to call but be does not respond. Today is his birthday and I am dying to hug him and kiss him but will more than likely not hear from him. What happened? What will happen between us? I know I am at fault in some areas but would like him to admit his flaws aswell!



  • Dear Laara,

    You are standing at a crossroads in this relationship, there has been trouble brewing underneth for awhile and now like an earthequake they have surfaced. You my dear are not good with patience and waiting yet it seems you want others to wait for you to deceide this or that which is unfair of you. He on the other hand keeps things within until he reaches a boiling point and than he explodes (or should). He needs time now to think if he wants to catch that life perservers tossed by you to save this relationship. At this time I feel more negative than postive from his side. He likes smooth emotions, level stable and I feel you like the excitement of a good expressive debait. Ask yourself the positives of this relationship and really look at it , than the negatives. The big question here for you to answer is does it have the maturity needed to keep it long lasting and lead to marriage?



  • It is a trap to get stuck in thinking everyone has to admit their faults for how we got here. You likely desire to hear his admission so that you can rest in him understanding what he must not do in the future. Perhaps if you admit yours first he will follow. OR, decide what it is you really want and instead of figuring out how the past didn't meet that you can figure out how to meet it in the future. Sort of figuring out the rules of order and negotiating expectations and needs fulfillment. While it is important to understand the past and how it effects the future it might be more important to determine the desired future and discuss how to achieve that. But this takes two.

    One thing that stands out in your request for help is that you say it was a 3 year relationship that began experiencing problems in the last 4 months. What, in your life or his, changed 4 months ago? Perhaps a new person, new job, car crash, new financial stress, or the sudden awareness of boredom? These are things you can explore. If the only thing that changed was you decided to have voice in what's been bothering you during those 3 years then perhaps this has never been the right relationship for you.



  • I know I did wrong and yes I did start voicing some of my concerns; however, I think that instead of attempting to talk them out I wanted things my way or no way just began to make an argument out of everything. I did begin to have many financial problems and began to voice them out to him since I am a worry freak but he is so calm and takes things as they come. I love him dearly. I did text him a happy birthday message and included how much this situation hurts and how I wanted things to get better for us and how I saw he would not put effort into making them better. I also expressed how I felt about how last year was the best year of my life and I spent it with him and never received a response. He has never taken this long to respond. I know I did not want to meet him half way in the situation. I admit I am at fault in many things. I am just very concerned about him being so distant with me and not calling. I just have a bad feeling I will not hear from him again and the three years we spent together went down the drain without attempting to save them.



  • Dear Laara,

    No love from the heart that we give to another no matter how little or how long a period of time we share with them is wasted. We all have a destiny path and for some of us we will love more than one in our lifetimes. This will pass dear and you will have gained knowledge that you have written above and learned from this relationship.

    Let go now and try to slowly move on. There is someone else waiting for you to meet and love along with making many cherished and happy memories with, a man after your own heart.

    A moment in time can change everything, remember that.

    Shuabby



  • Thank you for your advise. I guess I would love to talk to him about the situation and leave things clear before we each go our own way if this is what we will do. I would be will to work at things if he wants to do so as well but if not then I would just want to hear it from him and not just to hear silence.



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  • Thank you so much. I spoke with him yesterday but there is alot of tension and I don't see him willing to put an effort into making things change or better for us. I just get this feeling he gave up.



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