Passionate Cancer Guy please read this, maybe you can help...

  • Hi there,

    I have seen your insight about Cancer men and I couldn't agree more, but I am confused by the situation I am in and want to know if I can entertain to have hope or whether everything is lost for good...

    I will try to give a background. My ex-boyfriend is a Cancer, when we met we talked for two months and got to know each other really well and then we started a relationship. He pursued me from the start and things always were just easy and flowed effortlessly between us, he showed me (and I him) in every way that we cared for each other. We are both divorced with kids and we never judged each other for anything. He was in an abusive marriage/ relationship for many years and he is probably still not fully healed from that (he had expressed that to me). This was a long distance relationship and it became projected towards the future from the start. He let everyone know I was the woman of his dreams, his soulmate, the one he was to spend the rest of his life with (I do not take this lightly!). I met his whole family, kids, etc after three months together and things could not have gone better.

    While there he started pulling away and I asked him why and he said that every time we say goodbye it is very hard on him and he stays depressed for a good two weeks and that is his way of avoiding that...I reassured him that that would nevertheless be hard when the time comes but that we just look forward to the next time we are to meet and enjoy what we have. He changed on the spot and was very close with me again...

    But after my return (we were together three weeks there) he slowly started pulling away. The circumstances at the time were that I had gotten very sick over there with a staph infection that landed me in the hospital and after my return all these things happened to him: His boys and himself got sick as well, insecurity in his job, his ex wife diagnosed with melanoma (he still carries a lot of guilt regarding his divorce), child support stuff, anyway...lots!. He was overwhelmed, really...

    He made it clear that this had nothing to do with his feelings for me but that he just deals with things by being silent and not even answering his phone. I know he has not lied to me. I did speak my truth though and let him know what I needed in a non demanding way. He would say the lack of financial security would make him really stressed out and that ideally he wanted me to move there and be able to provide for me and his kids (even though he knows I work hard too and I am not requiring that of him but that is essential to any man's well being). He would try to communicate more often and a couple of days later it would fall through again. I stayed calm but it started to build insecurity in me I guess. Last time we spoke it was two months ago, we made plans to see each other during Thanksgiving but he seemed detached. The next day he sent me a text saying he loved me and five days later he changed his status on FB to "single". I must say I did a couple of things that week, for one I deactivated my FB account before he did this (he knew I was doing that though) because I felt exposed and he was keeping me in the dark. Anyway, in retrospect I was cool and collected with my actions but I did not feel that way...We have not interacted since, only one time and I said to him that he was much better that doing what he did (dump be like that and not even talk), he just fled and said he couldn't speak then...

    Since the breakup I have been getting these mysterious e-mails from his address (when he did not used to e-mail me before), they are addressed to me, his sister and a couple of other girls and they are blank or links...I dismissed them as spam at first, but I asked him about the first one and he did not denied that he sent it. I am inclined to think that he is sending them himself for two reasons: the addresses are not always the same (to whom the e-mail is directed to), the links are different and the frequency and amount varies too plus and I KNOW THIS, he is a huge prankster and he would actually enjoy doing something like that and provoke a reaction from me...(like me contacting him first).

    I have not reacted at all to anything just an occasional exchange or comment to his son (who has contacted me, he is 13) or a couple of his friends. I never ask about him or speak of him. He wanted silence and I have given him that (although I am heartbroken, really).

    So, sorry for the long diatribe, I have two questions...on one hand I feel he let me go to "protect" me and I know that sounds weird, but I am happy go lucky and he was so depressed (he was in Irak as well, have been diagnosed with PTSD) that I feel he did this to protect me from his moodiness until things get better for him. Could that ring true?

    The other question is about these e-mails, he is not initiating contact with me directly and I ignore if he has moved on or not (the last mail was 5 days ago) but the truth is I miss him dearly and there are so many things we need to catch up on! I do not want to pursue him, I want him to contact me but I am willing to take the first step if necessary to open communication. I did tell him once that if a relationship is over for me and I get hurt I just move on and do not look back...but that is not true in this case, could it be that he wants me to take the first step? I do not want to put myself out there and even say hi if he will reject me again...dunno. Sorry about the length of this, I hope you have the patience to read it and thank you!

  • Yeah I agree don't waste your energy please save that for someone who deserve it. I know it's a mentally drain. Don't confused yourself they always like that in the end he will twist your story. Cancer man always like that I'm a happy person and love to live life . When. Start going out to him my world turns upside down . Just rum and don't look back otherwise he will use your weakness till you never now who you are . They are jealous person love to manipulate you. Stop gratify yourself move on . There's someone next to him a good person and loving you with out any condition . They very emotional he might pulled up your good spirit as early . Close the book and turn a new edition.

  • This post is deleted!

  • Hi! Mardepp, I look over your message here, I just want to know how you feeling now? Hope all is well to you and getting better now. To tell you frankly I adore your patience but I'm thinking if I was on your position it would be easy for me to let him go. Sweety , don't get me wrong, I read again your thread you must be lucky cos his polite at least his not grumpy or swearing on you or calling you names. I can feel his insecurity.I used to be in your position his comparing me on what I have and I can do better cos I'm much stable to him . And I know his been to a lot when I met him. His past relationship killing him emotionally. His past relationship left him financial debt. He seems to be nice. But his a pathological liar and very rude to me. I offer him help. But he refused me he said that his not was his after to me. I though he will give me away to know and giving me a chance to connect with him. But in the past few month . I totally give up be for I get crazy. He and his girlfriend overseas abusing me the girl who live overseas keep emailing me and I never once answer her email.I know what she feel , I'm a women to so I'll give her respect though I'm only a victim. I do believe in karma so I'd rather not having come petition with she the origal and I'm the victim but I do hope she will understand my situation the I'm just a victim. Anyways we end and I'm already ready to love myself more and be a gold person for who I am no.



  • This post is deleted!

  • Hon, limit urself to be his friend n friend only. Allow time to heal him n until he is healed if ever, u do ur thing. meet other men.

    My cancer man is barely over a nasty divorce too n i´d b surprised if he ever wanna marry again. if yes cool if not okay no hard feels.

    i too was kept in dark n is still somewhat BUT we´re friends. true friends. I let him know as such im here for he should he need it n that i aint abandoning him. im his rock!

    i feel strong ur cancer on, considers u his rock. so plz b his rock as a friend. teh rewards will b plentyful

  • This post is deleted!

  • Thanx sweetie n u´re so welcome!

Log in to reply