Can anyone give me a reading tonight?



  • It is 12:42am and my husband after jamming with his friends went out. Meanwhile, I am still in love with someone who now hates me...my date of birth Feb 20 1968, husband Feb 23, 1968 and the one I love...July 1 1966... Anyone?



  • This post is deleted!


  • This post is deleted!


  • This post is deleted!


  • I can understand why you stay with your husband, but at the end of the day, it's self doubt which often keeps us imprisoned. I did the same, feeling that I could never "do" it on my own. We had one biological child (daughter) and fostered a boy about 7 years ago. I left early this year because I realised I was hanging on to my marriage out of a need to be secure and to always have someone to talk to at the end of the day. My own self doubt about doing it on my own was pretty misplaced really, because my ex was in the Navy for years and I was often alone, "doing it", and brought up our daughter 80% by myself. She's 16 now and spends 50% with both of us. We are still friends because that's how we've always been. Romantic love doesn't seem to be something I succeed at in life, and may never do. It hurts me to think that, but at the same time, we're not all meant to be with someone in this life. I'm not saying that's the case for you, but I do think alone time is exactly what you need. If you do decide to take this path, talk to your husband about sharing custody of your son so it's not all on your shoulders or his. Special needs he may be, but at the end of the day, he's a child with a child's antenna for other people's unhappiness. He'd sense what is going on with the both of you and possibly is being affected by it to a degree. This I'm only guessing at, but what I'm saying in a nutshell is staying together for the sake of your son may be a responsibility this child doesn't want or need. It's your life, and both you and your husband deserve a chance at real happiness, either with someone else or on your own.

    I sure hope this helps. And yes, I do get very lonely indeed, but take comfort that I'd rather be lonely on my own, than lonely WITH someone, if you understand what I mean. My ex never really had my heart; he knew it and I did, but we kept trying until we ran out of steam. And maybe I am one of those people who isn't capable of being with anyone long term; that I don't know for sure, but it very well could be so.

    And also, it's good you're focusing on yourself in the middle of this. That's always important. You need to be happy with yourself and that'll then have an effect on those around you.

    Talk to your husband honestly about this and see what sort of compromise you can reach. You may not have to leave him either, but might be able to strike a good balance somehow. You'll never know until you sit down and have a very serious and honest conversation about this.

    Good luck,

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo



  • And by the way: you're not weak, but rather, you've convinced yourself you can't do it alone. That's a normal human thing, so I would try not to focus too much on that aspect for now. The most important thing, as I said above, is to talk honestly to your husband and be open to any compromise you can strike here.

    Cheers again 🙂

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo



  • This post is deleted!


  • doeyeyed... Hi, I to was in a very long relationship with my husband before he died. There were numerous times that I thought I didn't love him anymore. I was completely wrong!!!! Love changes constantly. I did leave him one time for six months and it was awful. I went back and we were going to grow old together but he was murdered several years later. I to thought I was in love with someone else. I thought he was my soul mate and I had loved him since high school. I tried it with him when I left my husband. The grass is never greener on the other side. It just appears to be. Maybe you just need some time to yourself to reflect. When I left my husband, that was the only time I ever saw him cry. He was a complete mess. I never realized how much he truly loved me until then.

    Love is a crazy thing. It changes from day to day sometimes. Every day, love can mean something different. Of course, everyone misses that adrenaline rush when you first get together but when you get to the point where it's true comfort and not lust, then you have love. Love is not about the "in love feelings", it's about still caring after you're over those "in love feelings". To me, the in love feelings, is very close to lust. Once you get past that and are still happy, then you have found true love. Be very careful what you wish for, it might not be all that it was cracked up to be.

    Weigh your pros and cons before making any snap decisions. I understand you want closure with the other man but sometimes God's unanswered prayers are a blessing. We just can't see through the hurt to realize it may be for the best. I will always be friends with my ex but have come to the understanding that I shouldn't have to fight for love. I'll love him to the day I die but that doesn't mean I want to be with him anymore. He had numerous chances to make things right between us and never did. We deserve to be truly loved and treated with respect. If this other man does not give you that, then you deserve better. Don't settle for anything less just because he makes you tingle or gives you those in love feelings. Those feelings will fade in time after you've been together long enough. You're already living proof of that.

    I'm not sure how your husband treats you but like I said there were times I thought I couldn't go another second with my husbad. Now that he's gone, I am completely miserable and it's been more than three years. I have never missed anyone the way I miss him. I knew true love and didn't really know it until it was to late. Love is a funny thing. It can completely fulfill your life or it can completely wreck it. We have to know ourselves, what we feel, what we want, how we want to be treated. It is so much more than the in love feelings. That is just the start of true love, not the ending.

    I wish you the best and I hope you get everything worked out in your heart and are fullfilled. May God Bless You on your journey of love. Remember love is about the little things as well as the big things. Safety, security, friendship, honesty, trust, loyalty, it's truly about giving, a lot more than receiving. I know it's easy to lose love, so go back to the beginning of your relationship and ask yourself what made you fall in love with your husband. What made you fall out of love? If he loves you and you are honest and tell him what you miss and what you don't like now, maybe he will love you enough to remind you of how much you used to love him. Good luck!



  • I agree with Scorpion here. At the end of the day, your decision needs to be made after all pros and cons have been considered, and once you've talked honestly to your husband.

    Some of us can't save our marriages; others can and should. If you feel that your marriage can be saved, then do everything you can to do so. If not, then things need a lot of further discussion.

    Myself and my ex both know we are better friends than husband and wife; I knew that for a long time, and he's only just realised it himself. Our separation was the right thing for us, but that's not the case for every marriage in trouble.

    So good luck and let me know how you go,

    Cheers

    Chris

    xoxoxoxox



  • This post is deleted!


  • I understand completely what you are saying. There were times in my marriage when I said I didn't love him anymore also. I couldn't stand the thought of another minute with him at times. Love is a funny thing. If you decide to end this relationship, hopefully you will not burn your bridges. When you spend that many years with someone and have a child together, seperation makes the heart grow fonder.... You just may feel that love you felt in the beginnning again, you never know. When I left, I thought I wouldn't ever look back.

    I'm not preaching to you, just saying, sometimes we never know what we have until it's gone. So tread carefully. If you realize later in life that you made a mistake, if he loves you, he will work it out for you. Good luck in figuring everthing out. I wish you the best and may your heart feel whole again.


Log in to reply