A READING PLEASE?
I started dating a Gemini man about 3 1/2 months ago. things are going very well, except we have one issue that he's very uncomfortable with. I'm not sure where it's stemming from but I really like him and I want things to work out. Could someone please let me know where this relationship is going?
My DOB: 11/02/83
His DOB: 05/21/82
Please help me in figuring out what I should do. I really want things with my Gemini man to work out, so I want to be able to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how. Is there a future for us?
thanks in advance!
ScorpVirgo, this progressive, forward-looking and unpredictable relationship can go in any direction. Erratic impulses dot the landscape when it is on - when it is off, there is a deadly silence. The relationship's principal problem and challenge is acceptance. You two can get very irritated with each other and each of you knows how to push the other's buttons. For one partner to stop pushing may only solve half the problem, since the other partner also needs to make their own buttons harder to push. Love and marriage are difficult here. You tend to be a control freak while your partner likes to do things his own way and, despite his energy, he is just not strong enough sometimes to stand up to your incessant demands. He is more interested in short-term gratification so he will leave if you try to pin him down. Sometimes however, if he is very weary of life, he may crave your control, finding it comforting to be unburdened of responsibility. This will tend to occur later in his life after he has sown every possible oat. You meanwhile may be better able to enjoy his energy and imagination once you too are older and your judgmental nature has mellowed. Your partner may have issues about being financially supported and/or being sexually desirable. He may fear that he is not really wanted.
This relationship can be upset, or worse, by what either partner sees as a thoughtless act by the other. You will condemn impure motives and your partner will despise poor results, both of you laying on the blame and guilt. The ability to forgive and accept (neither of you is likely to forget) will generally determine whether you go on speaking to each other. In your work ethics, you are both very different - you are detail-oriented and hate to be rushed while your partner gets impatient and may take shortcuts. His drive to finish a task and move on will be countered by your dogged determination to stick to the task, even perhaps working it to death. This could make living together difficult unless compromise or a strict set of rules and standards suited to both of you is reached. Wonderful results can then be produced, as long as you two don't drive each other crazy. Try to lighten up and control your irritations with each other. Let go of any past heavy burdens you are carrying. Accept.
first, thank you SO much for your reading. it gave me a little more insight into our relationship.
You said that he is only interested in short-term gratification. He told me the other day that he’s always told his family about me and that he’s really wanting a relationship. One that leads to marriage and he’s already talking about how many kids he wants. I’m a little confused, if he’s only interested in short-term, why would he say things like that to make me think he wants me for long-term?
I’m trying not to be so much of a control freak, but it’s just in my nature. I’ve tried to curtail myself a lot around him and when he needs space, such as right now since we haven’t talked in a few days because of the issue that’s bothering him, I give it to him. I just wish he would take some initiative and TALK to me instead of being passive aggressive and making me chase after him and pull him out kicking and screaming. He writes poetry a lot and I feel like all his emotions go into writing instead of talking to me about them. I understand that there has to be a balance between keeping his emotions in writing and talking to me but I wish he would give me something to work with.
I think you hit the nail on the head by your statement about not being wanted because he’s not financially stable and/or sexually desirable. I’ve tried to reassure him that I want him, but he keeps backing away. That’s what our problem is right now. He’s backed away because he feels like he’s not wanted. I tried talking to him and he won’t open up.
I do have to agree that I have noticed he’s very much rushed in anything he does. I am detail oriented and work things right until I get it pretty much perfect. It’s part of my job that I do. I think his nature to finish a task and move on is something I need to accept.
It seems like acceptance, like you said, is very important in our relationship. How do I get him to talk to me? I’ve tried and he’s pushed me away. I want to leave him alone and let him come to me because that is the vibe that I am getting.
Do you see a long-term future with us at all or should I try and move on? I really don’t want to move on, but if it’s only going to hurt me then I will have to.
sorry for all the questions. and sorry about the late reply. I was away from my computer all weekend. thank you again for your reading!
When I said he's into short term gratification, I meant that he may talk about marriage and the future, but he's not really imagining it. With his tendency to rush things, he tells you what he thinks he should be thinking about and that you probably want to hear. But he doesn't really understand or think about the essence of what he is talking about - the long term commitment. He's talking future plans to ensure his present, basically. He doesn't see that as deception at all. He might get a big shock to find out what long term commitment really is.
The biggest problem is that he doesn't yet trust you enough to confide or reveal himself totally. That's not personal - he doesn't trust anyone not to reject him. I can't predict when he will turn around - that's up to him. But I wouldn't wait around too long for this to happen. It could take him years, if ever.
Hi Captain, hope to get alittle insight from you too. DOB is 12-01-59. Husband's is 8-11-62. My question is what do you see about us finacially? Thanks in advance. Happy Thanksgiving!!
Sellstar2, please start your own thread by clikcing on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this page and I will answer you there.
is there anything I can do to make him trust me more to open up or is that something he just has to realize on his own. i'm trying to be understanding and there for him but he keeps pushing me away or something.
I guess I'm just wondering if it's worth it to stick around? he's made me think about a future with him, as in marriage, and I feel like it's given me false hope.
do you see anyone else coming into my life in the future? someone long term? someone who I can have a future with?
If you want him to trust you (and that could take a while especially if he hasn't started to work through his issues) you must not push him at all - just be his friend without needing more at the moment. If he feels any sort of pressure or impatience from you, he will distance himself.
You seem desperate to have a partner. And other people like your friend will sense this, either consciously or unconsciously and it will make them wary of you. What is it you think you will get from a relationship that you don't have now? Examine what problems you have that you think a romance with someone will help you with.
thanks Captain...I'm sorry I'm sounding desperate. I've just been lonely and without anyone important to share my life with on an intimate level for a very long time. it hurts...and I feel very unwanted...
Don't forget you are important, the most important person in your life, and you should be your own best friend.