Pisces / Libra working through trust issues

  • He's a Pisces (March 11th 84), I'm a Libra (Oct 16 83).

    When we first started seeing each other, he was fresh out of a relationship, and wanted some time to settle before jumping into another. So we made an agreement, since we were already pretty close, that we would let the other person know if we were having sex with anyone else.

    About 3 months later, he started saying things about almost being ready to be with me, and being able to think more clearly...

    the day after he told me that he wanted to be with me (two weeks later), I found out that he had slept with a fuck buddy (from before we made our agreement) and didn't tell me. It had been right around the time that he said he was beginning to think more clearly.

    This was mid March. Since then, we've been trying to work things through, since I (admittedly) have trust issues as it is... and it's only been getting more and more difficult.

    I realize that Venus is Retrograde, and that may have something to do with it, but the greater issues that I've realized are:

    • this girl is one of his best friends, if not his his BEST friend. He talks to her all the time, and sees her regularly. We made an agreement that he would let me know when he makes plans with her, so that I wouldn't be wondering and asking. Since then, he hasn't offered any information except when I've asked. To me, this is a really bad move on his part.

    • I've been responding to this whole situation like some people would respond to an affair... the difference is that the sex is not the central issue, but rather, the betrayal of trust, and the breaking of agreements. And now I'm starting to see a pattern, and I'm hoping that it's just immaturity and ignorance on his part, but I can't rule out the possibility that he just wants to do what he wants to do.

    • we tend to communicate really well, so the fact that he's not keeping up his end of things is kind of baffling me.

    • we are very in love. and I don't think he's dicking around with me.... however, he's not being entirely straight forward, which in this instance feels almost as bad.

    • I really want to be able to work through these trust issues that I have, but at this point, I think I've been viewing this girl kind of as the physical symbol of the betrayal, and because she's constantly "present" (I haven't actually met her yet) I feel like every time I make progress, she pops up in conversation and I revert all the way back to the emotions I felt initially.

    • I do intend to meet her, but I don't want all this negative energy focused toward her when I do... I'd rather work things through first, and then be able to meet her, not as his ex-fuck buddy, but as his friend. The only thing is, I don't know that I can actually work these things through when she's as present as she is, and when he's not being transparent with me.

    So I'm wondering if anyone (just knowing the bare bones of the situation) has any intuitive or logical or astrological advice or suggestions for me. We have a date to sit down and talk about all of this on Saturday (again), and any additional knowledge or insight would be very much appreciated. This last month has drained me so much... it's really been agonizing and I want to move past it in whatever way I can... whether that's ending things, or requiring certain things of our relationship.

    Thank you in advance!

  • whoops.... sorry about all the ****... if you can't figure them out, I'll think of another way to put it 😉

  • Hi Lizabird....I would personally leave him to his "best" friend and looked for somebody who would want just me for a lover and best friend...100% attention! I wouldn't be able to tolerate him having a female best friend, especially one who monopolises your fella's time,thoughts and needs.....It may be my suspicious mind but I think you may encounter problems in this relationship,especially jealousy - you may not be jealous BUT what if you met this girl & you had to vie for his attention....OR, even worse, SHE gets jealous and starts to make your life a nightmare.....No, I would run from this complicated scenario!!!

  • Thanks rnrchick... that would usually be my inclination... at this point I'm not quite ready to give up the ghost of the relationship, not just because I'm learning so much about my trust issues and how to deal with them but also because of the fantastic emotional/physical/mental/communicative connections that we have.

    If we can work through this, I think it could be really lasting and amazing for both of us. But you're right. there's a lot of potential for lots of problems. It's something that I consider frequently. I guess we'll see how it plays out.

    If and when I realize that the relationship has actually turned sour for me, I will walk away. But I'm still kind of curious to see where it goes.

    I think I may be meeting this chick on Friday... I'll keep you posted on what sort of vibes i get from her.

  • Fair enough lizabird! I suppose until you meet this girl you can't form any real opinion on how it would ultimately affect your relationship....I'd love to know how you got on! You sound as though you've got your head switched on ,so good luck and "have fun"!

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