Burning Karma, psychic help
I am battling negative karma. It's very forced upon me and difficult for me to turn off and push out of my life. I want peace and advice on how to protect myself from further harm.
My time is being monopolized by a former spouse who creates constant battles, harrasses, and stalks. I am working on legal boundaries, but the man is narcissist, sneaky, and lies to the police and disregards court orders.
Oddly enough, his initial personality to me, was one of wisdom and patience. He has had charts done and believes in karma, formerly into yoga. I believe he is an older soul, but I believe he is someone that has had power and abused it in a former life,and continues to do so this life. He states his past life readings said he was probably royalty, a king maybe. His intital persona changed once we got married. Then I became a slave, an employee, property.
I want to know if anyone can tell me anything about the near future. We have trial in 3 weeks and I feel that something will happen during this time. Is he trying to scare me or will he actually physically harm me? I am worried about accidents being created.
I'm a scorpio, so I don't roll easy. Which means I'm tired of this and I'm not taking it anymore!
That makes him do more. I need to know if he is going to make good on his past threats.
I appreciate any help.
Have you tried for a restraining order? You need to throw the power of the law against this bully because I feel he crumbles when presented with those who have more authority and power than him. I believe his threats are just hot air designed to intimidate you into passivity.
PS. If he is a liar then you need to compile tangible evidence of his lies and threats - texts, phone messages, emails, written evidence etc. against him. Be methodical and thorough. Record everything. Scorpios are good at ferreting out secrets and psyching out their opponent.
I have never gotten a permanent restraining order. (only short term ones when he has threatened me) The courts here are father friendly and don't want obstacles which interfere with his having visitation. The police won't arrest him for anything criminal because he asserts he has a "right" to be here because we have children in common. He is a very skilled liar. I will again be requesting protection (again) at trial.
You have all you need to beat this guy. Stay focused listen to your intuition and have patience. You will come out on top. I don't him doing much after the trial. I definitely don't see him hurting you. Things will settle down soon, this situation is at the end of it's cycle and then you will be free.
"Have you tried for a restraining order? You need to throw the power of the law against this bully because I feel he crumbles when presented with those who have more authority and power than him. I believe his threats are just hot air designed to intimidate you into passivity."
Right on! He is a woose.
There is little evidence, but yes I document and it is time consuming to document daily life. Nothing is ever in writing and he won't leave a message on the machine. Threats are in person, unrecorded, and without witness. He doesn't think there is a law against "stopping by" 17 times in 3 days. And he's right. There's not.
I should say, little evidence on his behavior.
I can prove him a liar in court. I think he knows he is in trouble and does not want to be exposed. He has stolen evidence in the past, if history repeats itself, a well placed camera might be better than a psychic. But if anyone has strong feelings, I would appreciate it. He travels and lies about being in or out of town. I'm trying to use intuition and not repeat past mistakes. I just look crazy to the outside world and it's frustrating that things never change. I feel this is my last battle. I'm tired of not being in control of my life. Thanks for your comments so far. It does help.
Hi starynite - You have described my husband - except I think mine may be a bit nicer. He is also a narcissistic pathological liar. The problem with these guys is that they believe what they are saying. They do not even know it is a lie. You have to record him saying one things then record him saying another. An he will deny it. It took 2 attorneys and 2 very highly paid therapists several months to realize that I was not crazy and that my husband was not following stipulations even though he said he was. To this day he says I am the reason the attorney bill got so high. (every time he didn't follow the rules or tried to manipulate me into doing something other than what the attorneys thought was best I had to call my attorney). You have to get him to leave a voice mail. Tell him that if he wants to talk to you he has to email you and tell you what he wants to say because you will no longer speak to him on the phone or in person. (Use your answering machine to screen calls) these guys are very crafty. I realized too late that all the venting I was doing on his voice mail was making me look bad. He would only talk to me in person with no other witnesses. Once I had him sign an agreement before I would sign this mortgage refinance. Then when the notary was gone and I turned my back, he stole the papers and ripped them up. You are right - you look crazy to the outside world, but you are not crazy - you have been driven crazy. Your ex was probably very convincing when he met you - but it was an act - a lie. I did not find out until I had been married for almost five years that my husband's whole family was living a lie. They are the family David Lynch would die to do a film about. I have never been treated or valued like I was worth anything even though I am very well educated have a good job take care of the kids and house - I have been nothing but a nanny maid gardener etc. for 20 years.
Number 1 - I doubt that he will harm you - but you must be on your guard. Do not call the police too many times or you will get labeled for crying wold and being paranoid and then they might not come when you really need it.
Number 2 - you need to get a restraining order - what you do is - if he comes by take your kids and go to a battered women's shelter and tell them you are afraid he will hurt you. Once your are there I think you will get some help getting that restraining order.
Number 3 - you have to do whatever it takes not to get upset or excited - especially in court - this is what he wants to happen. He wants you to look crazy.
This is hard for me - I am a Pisces and I guess I get emotionally tweaked when I know that I am being wrongly accused of being a nutcase. I have a Scorpio friend and he told me that whenever I get into this state of anxiety I have to just laugh - even if I just laugh inside.
Good luck - there are a couple of forum on the Internet "online groups" for people who have to deal with narciscists. They are almost impossible to deal with and very very toxic.
By carrying a personal recorder, you can tape him when he makes personal threats against you. I feel you need to respond more strongly and proactively against him and not let your fear of him overwhelm or intimidate you. He is full of harmless hot air, so prick him like a balloon and he will fly away.
And it IS against the law for him to drop by 17 times in 3 days - that's called stalking. I think you are still a little in awe of what you think is his knowledge and power - but his behaviour 'outs' him as a desperate and immoral person. Stand up to him.
Thank you Turtledust and the Captain.
Turtledust, you sound like you know exactly what a narcissist is. I believe you and know about saying and doing two different things. Agreeing is different than fulffilling. It's lip service for the public at large, keeps their reputation so they can lie further to those who don't know otherwise. Privately, it is always sabotoguing without leaving evidence. Passive agressive abuse (but no longer an DSMV, category). Makes the target appear crazy because he presents an false personality or a different personality at work or in public. Calling the police rarely helps. Can I honestly accuse him of breaking into my home and leaving a trail of lime green post its or better yet, putting his dirty underwear in my laundry? (yes, that's happened) Ummm, not without appearing crazy.
The most effective way to lie is to believe it is the truth and present it that way. (or to sandwich a lie between the truth, or tell half truth and leave rest out) I see this as his biggest power. The ability to successfully lie gives one the power to rewrite history. But even more so, the ability to get people to act on those lies (law enforcement, judges, etc). Hopefully, one of these days I will no longer have to record or document my interactions with the ex, my house, my car, or my children, on a daily basis in order to protect myself and obtain evidence. Yea, I need to carry the voice activated recorder too. No messages are ever left on the voice mail.
I wish I could prove 17 times. But unfortunately, he always tells whoever (police, judge, etc), that he "has to be there" to do "something" for the kids. The overly concerned and helpful parent is a good lie to have in your back pocket.
I appreciate your responses. It's given me some positive energy to have suggestions and understanding. I'm working on keeping my cool about it. Thanks again.
I went through exactly the same thing for years while my son was growing up, an I know tottally how you feel!! It's highly frustrating when their lying to police making us look like were crazy an exaggerating!! Drama typical woman.
After years of courts an trying to convince judges what a headcase my sons father was, ( which they knew, but also knew he was just a coward Who bullied women) my son got to his teenage years and decided he never wanted to see him again for all he had done to us both over the years.
Stay patient and calm don't be scared he is just a bully, an as for 17 visits in 3 days doesn't take a judge to realise he is a stalker:-0! But he has rights where he can obviously do this an get away with it. Do not worry, stay calm an strong for you an your children, an it will all work out. You stick to the truth an he continue with his lies an they catch up with them in the end.
I went through a tough few years but you have to stay strong an you will be fine. Plus your a Scorpio like myself so you will be ok;-)
Hi Starrynight - I have on and off for years, written down times when he has gone put and stayed out until 12 midnight and left me and the kids alone. My attorney told me I could not use any of this against him in this state because it is a no fault divorce state. Proving his lies does me no good. The only thing I can do is to try to tape record him making me a promise or get him to put it in writing. I have photographed his beer bottles in the garage to show how much beer he drinks. I have put things on Excel files and given the attorneys hard data to prove where my money goes and what it is spent on because he claimed that I ran up the attormey bill sand was spending too much money on stuff. Now that he is back in the house for a short period of time - he promised me he would help me get things in order and get bills paid off - but he only keeps part of his word. We even have a signed, notarize agreement as to what he has to do and what the expenses are and what he has topay in order for me to get out fo debt. He does not even follow the signed and notarized agreement. I don't know if you can rent survellance cameras - I am considering putting a couple up. the problem is that they have to be linked to a monitor that video tapes what he does. this seems like a hassle and expensive to me. I wish he would just keep his word and do what he said he would do. But these guys never will. They are just big fat floating egos.that feed on society.
Has your ex husband had a position of authority in his working life? One where he has been almost revered/feared? He has a real aura of authority about him and a sense that if he uses his "muscle" enough, he'll always get what he wants. Deep down, he isn't a bad guy really: he's a snivelling little boy whose parents were a contrast of pandering to his every whim and ignoring him in between issuing strong-arm tactics (I can't get which parent did what, so please bear with me). Definitely a bully in training was he as a child and now as an adult, he is still carrying this persona because he's largely been allowed to get away with it. His ego is working overtime at the moment and sadly, you're suffering due to that. I agree that a restraining order may be the best course of action here. What does your solicitor say about this? I haven't read the other posts in this thread, so bear with me if this has been asked/answered previously. Your own legal counsel must have some advice to give here. You do need something solidly legal which will put the fear into him as he does believe you won't have the pluck to do that. Stand up to him, whichever way you can, however afraid you are of doing this. He really needs to get some of his own back, as juvenile as that might sound!
Good luck with your trial, and with the outcome. Honestly, he's someone who could do with a firm spanking!!
Hope this helps
One other thing I will add here (sorry for prattling on):
He definitely had you in a stranglehold in a previous life. Yes, I agree he was royalty and I feel he had you beheaded due to you trying to refuse him. This is being repeated in this life. I feel he's also been responsible for preventing your happiness in other lives as well. This life is the one in which you can complete the karma; balance it if you will. The only way to do this, is to continue standing up to him and eventually, ignore him completely. Ignorance is the one thing - apart from so-called "insolence" - he can't cope with. Wash your hands of him as soon as you are able, and you will find that weight lifting off you. Remember: this is HIS issue, not yours really, even though it's affecting you adversely right now. You are merely reacting to HIS actions, not the other way around.
You will win; I feel that strongly. It's your time to succeed. Good luck. You have done the right thing getting away from this poor, weak little man.
Hope this (also) helps
PS: I have a fair idea what you're going through, trust me; men never let go easily - only when they're the ones who leave
CHRIS YOU ARE VERY CORRECT, THEY DO NOT LET GO EASY, IF YOU LEAVE UNLESS THEY DO.. THE EGO GETS THEM BAD TOO.
" I EMBRACE DIVINE TRUTH AND JUSTICE" I AMBRACE THE TRUT IN ALL ME RELATIONSHIPS AND ENDEAVORS" I AM TRUE TO MY DIIVINE SELF" DIVINE JUSTICE....THIS MAY ASLO JUST BE JUSTICE WHICH IS CAUSE AND EFFECT.......
PEACE LOVE PROSPER
Thanx turboxs. I just hope what I've said here helps starynite :))