Love...Blindfolds and Loneliness..
I have been friends with the same group of females for quite some time, we have our ups, downs and typical talks over drinks about the “men” in our life. Anyway, one of these females (lets call her Beth for the sake of this post has been with her boyfriend 8 years now, although nobody likes him (he has a criminal record, several baby “mamas”, can’t seem to keep a job, ect). Talking to her about him always falls on deaf because she always stands by him... or she will leave him in a puff of anger and frustration demanding better only to take him back a week later.
Well recently, things didn’t quite feel right “down there” and she went to see her doctor who confirmed that she had contracted genital herpes. Now Beth, was completely faithful to her boyfriend the entire 8 years of their relationship, so naturally she approached him about her new cureless disease – his response – well I don’t have it so you didn’t get it from me, but don’t worry babe we’ll work through it!!
Beth is hurt, angry and overwhelmed by the gamut of emotions she’s feeling, but she
wont leave him. I said “what are you going to do,” she said to me “it doesn’t matter any more, I’m going to keep wearing my blindfold.” This statement touched me in a profound way, because initially (say the first 4-5 years of their relationship) she wasn’t even aware that she had a blindfold on, she rationalized everything he did and believed every lie. Unfortunately as time went on and the “evidence” piled up she consciously and greedily put her blindfold on…it was no longer an accessory but a necessity for her relationship to continue …
I am sad for her because she really does love him and angry that she has wasted 8 years on this loser that she can never get back and all she has to show for it is a permanent case of herpes. I am also relieved that she hadn’t contracted HIV…(yet)
I guess we all have a little Beth inside of us (myself included) ... that small voice that makes us close our eyes to the demons/issues/circumstances we don’t want to face, usually in the name of love or the fear of loneliness. Beth’s situation has opened my eyes so to speak so I felt compelled to share and I hope others can benefit from Beth as well BEFORE the STD or before the 8th year has passed.
Peace and blessings …..
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It is true, we all do have alot or a little of "Beth" inside of us. It really is sad because we are the ones who call these males jerks, dbags, losers, etc BUT we are the ones who put them in the position of being this way because we don't demand anything better from them so they are just being what we've allowed them to be. We lowered our expectations of men because the scales tipped years ago with the female empowerment movement.
I will say this about your friend though, she WILL reach her breaking point and be done with him ONE day. I promise she will! I stayed with a narcissist for 4 years and complained to my friends the WHOLE time!! They would try and tell me what to do but I finally just had to say "Listen, I love you and your are my friends but I need to do this my way. I just need to vent it off my chest to you as my friends and then move on with it. Everyone has different breaking points and just because mine are not the same as yours doesn't mean that you are right and that I am wrong." And I'm not saying that because of you, Snowball, only saying what I told my friends because some of them are a tad hypocritical.
Scorp72, you’re welcome, I hope this is a wake up call or at least a wake up whisper for others (it was for me).
“They would try and tell me what to do but I finally just had to say "Listen, I love you and your are my friends but I need to do this my way.”
Exactly, I think the second lesson here is one of judging others. People do need to do things in their own way and at their own pace and one of the girls in our circle no longer speaks to her because of him, something I completely disagree with. While I am one for straight talk (it’s woke me up on many occasions), I understand the necessity of life’s lessons so I will continue to love her, provide a shoulder to cry on and a laugh when needed and wait for her epiphany (which will only come when she’s able to accept HER responsibility in this situation).
I applaud you for finding the strength and the courage to leave your narcissist; relationships with them can be EXTREMELY addictive and they are very hard to walk away from.