When anyone has time, i could use a full reading
apparently my last post offended people by my wording, so...
Anywho. i'd be grateful if anyone can sacrifice some time for a reading.
I just got out of a serious relationship with my daughter's father. Since then, I've messed around in another quasi-serious relationship with a very dear friend about 3 weeks later. Then he moved to New York. I'm experiencing some major "Falling Tower" energy. Same as "The Fool" and "Judgement" and "Star". There's only so much you can understand by giving yourself a tarot reading, so this is me seeking a second opinion.
To know a little bit about me, I'm having cabin fever really bad. I am getting antsy because the father of my baby will be out of jail in two months and I know he's going to try to snatch me back and I don't want to go back. I want to leave, but I probably won't have the money enough to move until June at the end of my lease.
On top of that, I am 20 years old with a daughter who is 1 and a half. Because I just broke out of that relationship, I'm having impulses to go out but I don't know how to find a balance between being a good mommy and still being a young adult... I've started to reconnect with some friends... I just really don't know who in the world I am anymore... since I'm no longer a wife-to-be with a baby all on my own..
My birthday is 9/15/1990. Born in Lawrence, KS at 1:05 am.
Help me out, if you can.
I'll delete my other post if I can. I didn't mean to come off as pushy, I guess its just the way I worded it. I just need some tender loving tarot care right now in my life, more than I feel I ever have. Because this time, I really have no idea who I am or what I want or what I can do anymore. It makes it hard to read my own cards at this point in time...
i'd been getting "the devil" in my cards a lot while i was in my relationship, and then it disappeared for a while after we split up. now it's back, and i don't understand....
Dafhodil, you will have a tough time of it until you reach the point where you can feel confident about releasing your sense of tradition and going beyond the obvious to find your own way of doing things. You are here to learn what true freedom is. Experience is likely to be a great teacher for you and, if you can open your mind to the idea that there is more to life than doing what is expected of you and complying with other people's rules and wishes, you will make great progress. You are blessed with analytical ability and an ingenious mind, though you will have to avoid the tendency to becoming obsessed with getting others to see things your way. You have a fine sense of truth and a dislike of pretension that will serve you well, providing you allow your instincts to guide you. You must relax your need for everything to go smoothly and rely on your inner strength to help you handle any life situation. Don't be afraid to reveal who you truly are to the world just because you want to be popular and have a need for other people's approval. You must leave the safety of what you know and strike out on your own; have the courage to be different or think differently, and not just do what others are doing, even your family and friends. Don't let your fear of change hold you back from finding the freedom you crave. You are actually not all that social, more of a loner than a joiner so you don't need to spend your whole life trying to fit into society. Do your own thing and live your own life. The greatest danger here is that you will get stuck in a rut and become unable to grow. Choose a career where you are self-employed or can work alone or independently. Professions that require objectivity and creativity - such as scientist, astrologer, electrician, technician, computer expert, broadcast work in radio or TV - are all good for you, as are expressive fields like acting or producing, metaphysics, martial arts, business, and writing. Grounding yourself with exercise and earth foods and creating a quiet home base will balance and benefit you enormously. You're really a simple person with simple needs and simpler tastes.
What you really want is to be in love, to be adored by someone who returns your passion. You like your friends and lovers to be as unusual as you are, although more unassuming and stable types are probably better for you because you often pick the wrong type of partner. You become bedazzled by someone whom you think shines like gold only to find out they are merely cheap tin. You have quite an unVirgo-like romantic streak in you that makes you vulnerable to distraction, seduction and fantasy. You need to establish some healthy equilibrium between your desire to be adored and your fear of living a dull, boring existence without love. Don't let yourself be seduced by every sweet-talking salesman who promises you eternal adoration - such people undo you totally, mess you up emotionally, and imprison you in a relationship of non-love based on the idea that a few pats on the head now and then can make up for months of mistreating and ignoring you. You fear that if you resist temptation or refuse to give into the distraction, you might pass up a chance for the great love you are looking for. Not so - healthy detachment will not only make you productive but will help you to make room for love on a higher plane that is free of your dangerous escapist dependencies. You must walk away from your airy-fairy visions of love and traditional parent-child roles. Sudden, sharp, and somewhat painful breaks in relationships will be the norm for you until you learn this lesson, because you hate any form of restraint and also you find contentment to be a rather boring state so you rarely allow yourself to be happy. This instability and nervousness makes you fascinating to others so you must avoid similarly unstable individuals who feed off your own reckless fire. Spending time with people with whom you can openly express your unorthodox views and visions of the future attracts lovers who can also be friends and who will give you the support you need.
The devil card represnts material reality and matters, and when it's to do with relationships it suggests you look for a more spiritual love connection.
Gosh, Captain... it's like you read me like a book....
I know I shouldn't be in a relationship right now. We've talked about this.. So I'm trying best I can not to get serious. Funny you mention a spiritual partner, because thats how I feel about this guy as I've told you who moved to NY. Although, I think its good he's gone because I need to learn to be independent! However, it really truly is so hard to ignore that passionately romantic side of myself who just wants to be adored, as you said. Because I know both he and my former fiance would adore me, easy. But he's got a business, and my x is a jailbird. So I'm just trying to go out and flirt a bit, just to feel young and fresh again. Not get into anything serious. Get a circle of friends again, so I don't isolate myself. And it's hard for me to let go with people, though that is what I want. I want company, solid friendship. But when I'm with people, I can't seem to do anything but drink or smoke to get comfortable. Otherwise I end up getting really manic/nervous. And I am afraid that drinking and smoking and all that is going to get bad like it did before I had my baby (of which time I settled down).
I don't know, following what I truly want to do would be packing my things tomorrow and heading for Oregon where I would like to study anthropology. But I don't have any money to survive on.... so I set a date to be after the end of my lease, after the next school semester in the summer. It is just so hard to wait. I feel like the longer I am where I am, the more frustrated and manic and desperate I become. So what exact kind of lesson am I supposed to be learning while I wait to leave?
That some things are worth working hard for and waiting for. Meanwhile ground yourself with those suggestions I gave you about exercise and earthy food like meat and potatoes. Meditation or yoga will also help you stay calm and relax.
It's funny you mention that also. I just bought an Indian meditation cd to dance to while I cooked some basil chicken & sweet potatoes at my comfy apt yesterday. Following your advice won't be too hard. Sounds like I'm on the right track. Thank you so much for your insight. I was really surprised b your accuracy. You know me better than myself!
You're very welcome. I hope all goes well for you.
Again, Great advice looking back!!!!! Dafphodil was my old username.