hey everyone i've been thru a lot of rejection in my child hood so now iam just trying to find my happiness i have four well mannerd boys that iam tryin to raise i was in a 10 year relationship with a aqrarius man i was young when i meant him so of course i thought he was the best thing that ever happend to me untill he was drunk in came on to my mother yup but i forgave him in still stayed with him we did brake up for a little and i did my own thing but we got back togather anyway i was going thru somethings i even went to see a psychic she told me that he was affaid of loseing me she asked me to bring in some pictures i don't know if she was tryin to help me or what she was very clear on the fact that she needed to help me in my spirits were down she even told me a scrip to read from the bible psalms 91 my aunt told me that she was told to read the same scrip and she said becareful what doors we open you see i lost my grandmother she took care of me in the psychic said my grndmother was worried about me she told me alot of things to do when i got home in i did them i didn't think she was trying to do anyharm to my life but i don't know so now i feel like i have to run all the time like somebody is tryin to hurt me also now i have a boyfriend he is a cancer as well sometimes i wonder about him being that when we first got togather we were intimate and he i court him cheating with a married women in so did her husband at the same time he pull up looking for her so were these all signs or what he says he loves me in he like's most of the things i like but in the beginning he would folllow me everywhere and i mean everywhere that was getting on my nerves he slowed down a little bit i don't think he understands what me time means i do know that from what he said that he was hurt before bye his baby mama she cheated and he cheated he says that he is very attracted to me and he wished he meant me along time ago like i said he has some good quailties about him and some bad ooooo and he is a sex addict lol sorry but iam keepin it real something in me wonts to give him my heart and something is holding me back so am thinking did me going to that psychic mess things up in some sence i feel like he is my soulmate and in another i feel like iam sleeping with the enemy is their anybody feeling the same way are if not can you give me some input the last thing i want to do is to interfare with gods will i just wont to live my life
Well Scared, I cannot say that I have ever felt the same way as you are feeling now, but I'm sure there are plenty of people on this site that can. What I can tell you is this. Your current lover has admitted that he has a history or cheating, and will continue to cheat. He's not even sorry about that. This alone tells you that he is not a soulmate, or even a decent partner for that matter. If you give him your heart (which you may very well do) he will use and abuse it and then discard it when someone new 'catches his fancy'. If you really are that scared of 'going it alone' or of waiting for someone 'better' then by all means, let this run it's course. But that is the course it will run.
Scare I think your self-esteem is in the toilet. You really need to work on yourself if you want someone better to come to you. You have to change before that happens. Until then you will keep attracting the same type of men. Good luck it won't be easy. Its one day at a time.