Parent-Child Compatibility

  • Hi Captain, I would love some insight into the compatibility of my son and myself...He's 16 now, so any info that could help us get through these teenage years would be greatly

    His bday: August 19, 1994

    My bday: January 18, 1973

    Thanks so much!

  • Thanks, Captain. That was of great help! If you can tell me more about my relationship with my parents as well when you get the chance, I would truly appreciate it.

    Me - November 22,1968, 9:28 PM (Leo rising)

    Dad - September 16, 1944, 6:30 PM (Pisces rising)

    Mom - September 9, 1944, 7:24 AM (Virgo rising)

    You are so very generous to give so much of your time and your gift to help others. Thanks!!!

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  • Libralove11

    You and Jess: together you two are entranced by lofty ideals. When you reach agreement, your relationship is capable of great things in the area of abstract thought; when you are not in agreement however, the relationship can be torn apart by internal struggle. This can be an unstable partnership. You are both highly subjective types and fierce arguments over abstract concepts - the nature of justice and fairness being a favourite - may become the order of the day. You pride yourself on your precision and may look on your daughter's thinking as a bit wild, fanciful, or sloppy. She on the other hand will often feel that you have missed the point completely or failed to grasp the essence of whatever is under discussion. Rather typical teen-parent behaviour, eh? You both must make an effort to ground yourself in the present or risk losing contact with reality. You can both be unsettled by your ideological, religious/spiritual or emotional differences. Since objectivity is lacking here, it may be necessary for you two to back away from such topics if you are to achieve any stability. There is a shared tendency to become emotionally overwrought, leading to irritations, quarrels, confrontations, and endless misunderstandings which can be upsetting not only for the two of you but for any other people present. Try to keep things more light and uplifting and entertaining between you and ground yourselves in practical activities. Avoid getting carried away by romantic ideas or ideals - be more realistic with and about one another. Jess especially will find it hard to pin herself down to reality. Blessed with a natural spirituality and an orientation towards serving others, she may nevertheless resist the challenges of being spiritual and instead squander her tremendous energy and talents in feel-good escapism or perpetual naiveté. Also, she can become rather overburdened with irksome tasks and responsibilities, as her desire to do for others holds her back from developing a greater sense of her own needs. Yet this talented, sensitive individual can find real success as perhaps an historian or a philopsopher, and through the exploration of religious and spiritual disciplines of all kinds. If she can control her generosity, harness her imagination rather than seeking refuge in escapism, and surround herself with those who will support rather than burden her, all will go well.

    Jess and dad: this relationship can be a deep and absorbing one. Its energy is serious and its orientation philosophical, religious or even spiritual. This by no means implies an intellectualism here but rather an orientation based on belief or faith. Material wealth or goods may be relatively unimportant to both of them. Both Jess and her dad are normally quite private people and their relationship expands on this tendency, sometimes producing extremes of secretiveness. Most attempts to pry these two out of their shell will be met with resistance - they may just prefer spending time alone, either separately or together. Arguments and disputes will be unusual between them because the mood is a quiet one with much left unsaid. Communication mostly takes place on a non-verbal level with each person understanding how the other is feeling. But they should take care not to repress any frustration - they need to create an open honest atmosphere between them where they can express criticism and disapproval without fear of upset or rejection.

  • Doeyeyedpisces

    You and your Mom: the biggest danger in this relationship is that you two will link up your defenses and retreat behind them in an attitude of supportive self-pity. Extreme sympathy to each other's plight may prove a deadly poison indeed, since it will encourage withdrawal from the very types of confrontation that you two so desperately need. But you both are tough and, if you are determined to bring down the walls of your self-imposed isolation, you can make quite a triumphant re-entry into the world. The great challenge to this relationship, and often its primary focus, is building bridges to society, making new friends, and setting up a rich and varied social life. Role reversal or role modification is possible here, since you are so alike, opening up endless opportunities for change and variety. Yet what this relationship cries out for is stability, and sooner or later you two will have to come to a silent understanding in this respect. Your relationship must strive for self-actualization and individual personal development. Together you can be highly ambitious, seeking the full expression of your talents and the realisation of your dreams. Don't protect each other from the world - instead remain sensitive to both your own and others' feelings, and make firm decisions to get out into the world. Your mother can be very critical of herself and others. She needs to lighten up and play more often. The ability to get out of her own head and enjoy the wonders of the world will prove very useful to her. It's only by working on her inner child that she will heal her insecurity and self-esteem issues. There is the danger however that she will turn inward too much in an effort to understand what motivates her own perfectionistic and rather fearful approach to life. She can become preoccupied with self-improvement and excessive introspection. She may even be prone to hypochondria, sleep disorders, and phobias until she gains a better grasp of her impulse toward self-protection. She would do well to simply relax and forget the self in the interest of connecting with and motivating others.

    You and your son: this is a karmic relationship in which you two know and recognise each other's souls from past-life connections and have many issues to resolve. You two are mutually protective and can be extremely understanding of each other's needs. Yet your son can sometimes be too demanding and critical of you, hurting your ultra-sensitive feelings. He may also come to find you a bit too defensive and secretive. You need to be aware that he can occupy an over-dominant role in your life that can continue into adulthood. Liberation from such an attitude will be difficult yet the relationship can show signs of strain over time due to the requirements of your careers, other relationships, and family life. But there will always be an unbreakable tie between you that you must ensure is a balanced and equal relationship and not an unbalanced, dominating one. Get tough with your son if you need to - kindness has its limits. Though he can be extroverted and outgoing, your son must avoid a tendency to obscure or discount his own desires and emotions in his search for the acceptance of others. He may have a strong inclination to tell others what they want to hear and to show others only what they expect to see, while at the same time keeping his deeper needs hidden and his deeper insights to himself. He has an amazing amount of creativity and passion and, if he can learn to see life in less worldly and more personal terms without giving way to histrionics, cynicism, emotionally demanding attitudes, and purely selfish and self-protective drives, he will find much happiness and fulfillment.

  • Dchell, this relationship generally cares little about what other people think and will rarely let society's expectations get in the way of its own highly personal brand of expression. Your son is stimulated by your verve and ambition, and you are fascinated by his half-hidden energies and his world. The synergy of your relationship often magnifies the more flamboyant side of each person, creating quite an outrageous mutual stance. This relationship is deeply rewarding for both of you, allowing you a depth of feeling that is hard for you to find elsewhere with anyone else. But your mutual tendency to let it all hang out and be wild and wacky can hide a more private, serious side which is quite deeply committed and loyal. Both of you will work hard to make this relationship a success. Instabilities can arise however through excessive selfishness, envy, pride, covetousness, or holding back from true sharing. Learning to give unconditionally will be the important lesson of this relationship. Your empathy for your son, DChell, can be so profound that you can form a very clear picture of your child's mind, penetrating to deep, hidden worlds where the secrets of his heart can be read. Don't neglect your own needs over his, however.

    Your son will experience many ups and downs in life. He is a curious combination of secrets and revelations that will contribute to his need to be alone and to set aside time for private thoughts and going inward. Though he will respond well to the need to be self-contained and a master of his own fate, he will find that the more he withdraws, strangely the more the world will take notice of his frequently flamboyant personality. Thus it is doubly important for him to have an impregnable private retreat where he can go to get away from it all or to find a select partner or friend with whom he can establish real trust. He will do well professionally and is likely to find a consuming vocation through which to focus his mind, refine his skills, and reveal his true destiny. It is important that he becomes conscious of when, through denial, he is keeping secrets even from himself. He must learn to trust who he is.

  • TheCaptain--you were very correct! My mom is a kind of "control freak" and can say really hurtful things. Although, growing up I was homeschooled, which I guess in a way was really nice of her to do--I received an excellent education. She does insist on a rigid set of rules. It drives my younger brother (10/11/95) even more crazy than it does me. But in many ways, he gets away with murder, and barely tries to adhere to her rules. He always says she needs to not treat everything as a life-or-death situation, which goes back to what you said about needing to "live and let live". I guess I should just be more patient--I keep telling myself I won't be there forever, so to try to make the best of the current situation. Also, recently I've begun to think she has really been hurt in the past. She never told me what happened between her and my father--they never married, but that's about the extent of my knowledge. They were together ten years, and went separate ways when I was, like, 3, and I never saw him. Come to think of it, I don't even know his birth date. But anyway, thanks for your insight!

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  • Astronelly

    You and your dad: Power struggles are likely to be the theme here and the relationship's success tends to rise or fall depending on whether the two of you gain and keep each other's respect and trust. It is crucial that you negotiate with each other fairly; you will rarely see eye-to-eye without extensive, open and pragmatic discussion. You both appreciate free and easy communication, which however is never more valuable to the relationship than negotiation. Tough agreements will have to be hammered out here. The sticking points will be your need to roam or generally to maintain your independence, and your father's ability to accept and allow this behaviour. His stern judgments drive you up the wall, eventually to the point of even alienating you completely. Confrontations in the family situation are inevitable here. The strictures your father imposes on you will only produce rebellion and wildness in you, resulting in serial clashes. Your father has a deep need to be the boss but his life lesson is to learn how to persuade others to his point of view rather than dominate them. Tactlessness is his biggest fault. He fancies himself a truth seeker yet he will experience considerable difficulty when he tries to impose his version of the truth on others without adequate concern for their feelings, views, and needs. Alternatively he may be too self-sacrificing at times, so devoted to harmony that he controls others through any number of less obvious but equally destructive emotional devices. If he can learn that the things he considers phony, pretentious or otherwise without practical value may seem to others to be beautiful, important, and good - and work on his tolerance as well as his presentation - he can experience an epiphany. He must understand that withholding certain facts is not necessarily manipulation, but sensible and tactful.

    You and your mom: you two know full well that 'all the world's a stage' and that your personal drama is only one of many being acted out. You both take great interest in the events unfolding around you and try to find where your own personal relationship fits in. In fact, making social sense out of the personal is perhaps the main focus of your relationship. Rather than engaging in power struggles with each other, you two are more caught up in the nature of society - in watching and understanding the flow of power in the broader world. There is a certain objectivity and detachment in your relationship that facilitates understanding others and their motivations, foibles and frustrations. You may share an interest in psychology, being fascinated by the study of emotions like jealousy, hatred, love, and so on. At the same time you are not particularly prone to sensing these emotions in their pure form in your relationship. Paradoxically, you two may be strangely unable to cope with the problems in your relationship, or even to realise that they exist. The relationship's detachment and lack of awareness can severely detract from its level of intimacy. This can be a volatile relationship and it does not keep either positive or negative feelings inside for long. Given to the grand gesture and the exaggerated statement, this highly spirited relationship is likely to call up dramatic response from other people, matching its own. Still, you two do both treasure family festivities of all types. if you can drop the play-acting occasionally and try to get down to the truth of your problems, your relationship will be much improved. Your mother also has a need to be the boss, like your dad, so I'm sure this leads to some big family dramas. She is also here to learn to persuade rather than dominate. (What a pair to get married and have kids! I congratulate you for surviving.) She is more inclined however to rise to the challenge of kindness and the more diplomatic and understanding forms of interaction. She may seek to understand emotion in others but fail to show any of her own. A lack of awareness of her own feelings may interfere with her development of compassion for others, but time is bound to unbend her a little, and experience will prove a teacher in the course of her life journey. If she can avoid an excess of self-sufficiency, learn to delegate responsibility, and reach out to those with whom she works and lives in the spirit of mutual respect, life will be as kind to her as she can be to others.


    Captain, blessings and thank you for this service

    I posted this morning and seems the two requests at the top of this page 5 were deleted.

    My son August 19, 1947, 7:45 p.m. (daylight time) Williams Lake, BC Canada

    Myself May 2, 1947, 2:13 a.m. Kiincardine, Ont., Canada


    loving silver wings

  • Lovingsilverwings

    This relationship's focus on knowledge may result in a kind of ongoing curiosity. Your bond with your son manifests a desire to find the answers to puzzles and mysteries. Your investment in knowing all can mean that you two play a game of emotional hide-and-seek, not only with each other but with others who may be curious about what makes you two click. Simultaneously wanting full knowledge yet choosing not to reveal all of yourselves, sooner or later you both will be found out. This moment of truth can either end the relationship or prolong it, depending on whether or not you two like what you see.

    You and your son can have fun for many years with your complex games, puzzles, psychological investigations, and exploration of the physical world. Your son may share some of his deepest secrets with you, because he generally finds you trustworthy in respecting his confidences. Yet you, being such a nurturer, will be disappointed and frustrated with his apparent lack of interest in having his own children. You will need to be understanding of his need to be alternately introverted and extroverted - whichever side is dominant at the time. He can fall into an apathetic or self-satisfied state from which you should not try to push him but accept it, or it could have an unfavourable effect on his self-realization process. At the same time he may be too wrapped up in his own inner world and emotions to give you back the understanding and appreciation you would like in return. You must be careful not to pry too much but to leave the way open for him to come to you with his concerns.

    Your son is a very socially and creatively adept individual yet he can be quite deceptive in presenting a light, witty facade that conceals a more serious and sometimes even very dark interior life. He often makes a strict separation between his public and personal life which may be prompted by shame or fear, a desire to hide a secret life, or an inability to make a connection between personal and social matters. He may often be attracted to troubled individuals who can be projections of the emotional elements of his own inner struggle, such as his tendency to lose control and explode in anger. If he allows his energies to be frittered away by egotistic and indulgent displays of emotion, he will lose a marvellous opportunity for insight and self-discovery. Passionate feelings are no stranger to him and, by grappling with the problems of his stormy lovers, he may become sidetracked from his own creative endeavours. He must work hard to overcome his fear of how others see him. He is likely to be quite brilliant, difficult to fathom, and even harder to fool. Issues of trust abound for him and he may be unwilling to reveal his best ideas, inspirations, or creative endeavours to those he feels are unworthy or unable to understand. Yet his fear of rejection can be quite pronounced. He may be unable to throw himself wholeheartedly into his creative work because of a fear that if he commits or completes a meaningful project, someone or something will just come along to ruin it all. Thus commitments of any kind can fill him with dread. Part of him always remains childlike and wants to appear unattached and available, as false and unrealistic as this is. He can be obsessed with being free from pigeonholing or the conventional roles others are always trying to assign to him to the point where he flees his own love life because it scares him to get too close to people. This attitude may draw people to him who will likewise can't commit or will desert him. If he can cultivate a measure of ease and compliance with his unique abilities and seeks the source of inspiration within himself, his more self-protective qualities will fall away to reveal a wonderfully creative, clever, technically proficient person whose grasp of higher truth may surprise even himself.

  • Captain,


    Your reading about my son and me is right on. You put into worrds most of my thoughts. It has been just a few years my son and I have really begun to understand each other and actually communicate with each other.

    His fear of rejection and not committing is strong, he is working on acknowledging this more.

    Those he is close to, he is loyal to.

    WE have dicused the children situation. He feels sad he is not in a relationship to give me a grandchild. I have told him if it is to be then so be it. We are both of the same mind there are enough children in this world, so if he does decide on a child he may adopt.

    Again thank you and blessings Captain


    loving silver wings

  • Thank you, Captain. You were spot on, as usual. 🙂

  • Captain: How are you? This is such a great thing! Thank you so much!

    Me 1/23/1978 9:45pm Heidelburg, Germany

    Son 8/27/98 11:00am Akron, Ohio

    Daughter 6/30/01 5:58pm Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio

    Wasn't sure how much you needed...???

  • Aqua2378

    You and your son: this is a difficult and unstable relationship in the family. You two don't have an easy time of it interpersonally. Your relationship can be rather unsettled and will require some adjustment. In many ways you are quite different to each other: your son tends to be more conservative, more solid and predictable than you while you are more cerebral, flighty and spontaneous. Together you can generate a magentic and charming appeal to others, enjoying spoiling each other with the relationship having an emphasis on pleasure. But it also hides a lot of frustration and dark, claiming qualities beneath the surface. Your son has difficulty with his deepest emotions (both in dealing with them and expressing them) and you, Aqua, feel no need to confront your own inner life. Together the relationship's synergy magnifies both of your more nervous, worried and at times self-destructive sides. These tensions can produce emotional outbursts and rejecting attitudes. In many ways, you two have trouble staying objective with each other, unlike with other people. Your chemistry seems to bring out overemotional, even hysterical tendencies and differences in temperaments and values that can undermine the relationship over time. Yet if you work on resolving your personal issues, conflicting energies can be transformed into productive ones. You both must learn balance, to step back from the drama and try to see things more calmly and objectively - and to listen. Don't deliberately give the wrong impression. Your son can be very emotionally unaware and, though he is likely to be quite giving and caring, he may show a tendency to take up more service-oriented work, rather than pursue his personal goals. Serving others can be his defense against greater closeness with them. Intimacy may scare him quite a bit and he may repress his feelings due to his innate distaste for emotional pressure of any kind. Yet service to others will be sure to tap his deep reservoirs of kindness and allow him spiritual and emotional connections. If he can find the right balance between selflessness and self-interest, and cultivate relationships with people who ask nothing of him but simply let him be himself, all will go well. He must learn to tell the difference between the good and the bad when judging others. His lesson will be about developing more trust - and discerning who to trust - in this lifetime.

    You and your daughter: this is also difficult in the family. Both of you naturally take the lead in any endeavour and demand the highest quality from yourselves and others. Your daughter may seem far too self-protective, controlling, and ambitious to you. She in turn can feel that you expect too much appreciation from her and finds relief in being on her own. She does appreciate you and is very supportive of you but she finds your instability and need for freedom very hard to bear. She wants more closeness and affection from you but you want your space. You may not be able to give her the nurturing and protection she requires. Unless more effort is put in, this relationship will not go very deep and can eventually drift apart. Your daughter has a fear both of expressing her emotions and of other people's emotions, and can become afraid of losing herself by loving and connecting deeply with others. She must share her sensitivity and her intuitive gifts with the world. Her main challenge will be learning to relax and understand that emotions are meant to flow, not be repressed or stifled in the interest of maintaining exterior calm or a false control. She may suffer from shyness and a sense of vulnerability. Yet if she can learn that there is a big difference between establishing proper boundaries and erecting impenetrable walls, life will be much easier and sweeter for her.

    Basically your son needs you to step back a bit from him and your daughter needs you to move closer to her. He needs your trust and less emotion and she needs your nurturing and more emotion.

  • Thank you so much Captain for my reading. I'm trying very hard to build and provide a solid, loving, comforting home and environment for my son. I'm trying to potty train which is hard. I have a feeling that my son is mildly autistic.

  • Hi Captain!

    mine is Nov 8, 1963

    my oldest daughter is Sept 14 1990

    my youngest daughter is Apr 2, 1993

    Thank you!

  • The Transformed

    You and your oldest daughter: this powerfully persuasive relationship is excellent for a parent-child matchup, provided you as the parent can provide an acceptable role model for your child, especially when you are of the same gender. This relationship will set its own standards and do very much what it pleases. Its focus may be an important activity or project in which you two function as a tight team. You can run a successful business together, for example, as long as your tastes don't prove too expensive for your daughter's thrifty outlook. Firm financial agreements between you must be adhered to or there will be problems. Your daughter may tend to resent your dominance and you can find her a bit manipulative but overall you are both willing to pull together in a common effort, such as in the family or sharing a creative hobby or sport. You TT will enjoy the relationship's mental stimulation and your daughter its intense emotional involvement. She will back off however if you exhibit any possessive or controlling attitudes. If you two ever fight, you may find yourself wishing you had stayed silent once you get a taste of your daughter's sharp tongue. But repression of emotions would be worse - it can set up a vicious circle where your blocked feelings repeatedly summons up attacks from your daughter. Give vent to your feelings in a calm constructive way that takes into account both you and your daughter's wants and needs. Both of you have nurturing qualities and the relationship intensifies this quality so that you two will provide your children with a protective, caring environment. Your daughter's life lesson is to be true to herself by living an authentic life, which can clash with her need to be popular. She will have a rough time until she reaches a point where she feels confident to release her sense of tradition and go beyond it into the realms of the invisible and intangible. Experience will be her greatest teacher and she will make great progress once she opens herself to the idea that there is more to life than following rules and routines and established beliefs. She must relax her need for everything to go smoothly. She is very grounded yet she can become obsessed with getting others to see things her way. But she has a fine sense of truth and a dislike of pretension that will serve her well, provided she allows her instincts to be her guide and is unafraid to reveal who she really is to the world.

    You and your youngest daughter: you will be a loyal and steadfast parent to your daughter, probably encouraging her to excel in sports. But there is a danger that you may project your own frustrated ambitions onto her. Feelings of all kinds can run high here as you can bring out your child's most aggressive instincts and she will challenge you to attain the complete expression of your emotional palette. This relationship runs deep and you two may form a mutually dependent bond that can last forever. Your daughter will have to deal with a lot of negative emotions like jealousy, anger and possessiveness, feelings you know a lot about and can be her teacher/guide in helping her understand her inner workings. But often what you feel, your daughter prefers not to. Your daughter may feel emotions get in the way of her performance, both at work and at play. She may behave rather frivolously in love affairs, and you can help her confront the more serious aspects of life. Eventually she may feel that the relationship between you has become too demanding and may long to escape. But her struggle may just make your bond even tighter, for good or bad. Any aggressive or competitive drives between you must be put away. Conflict can escalate if you put down your foot and your daughter challenges you. Learn to give each other room and don't let destructive emotions snowball. Stay open and honest with each other. Your daughter is here in this life to use her naturally expressive energies to give rise to a unique form of creativity - to put her quick mind, enjoyment of language and technical proficiency to productive work by contributing something unusual to the world. Her need for recognition will drive her to follow her inspiration and intuition and to act upon it. Lack of ideas or enthusiasm will never be a problem for her; rather her challenge will be to get down to business and transform those ideas into reality. Her fear of criticism can be a stumbling block that may hold her back from showing what she can do. She can be a bit naive too, which must be refined before she can reach the level of real originality that is her destiny. Impressionable and verbal, she may live superficially until she acquires discipline and training in a particular career or craft. Her early environment will be especially important, as poor conditioning may lead to problems with authority figures. Still, her potential for success is pronounced and, if she follows her hunches and shares her natural enthusiasm with others, she will do excellently well in life.

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