Broken heart looking for psychic insight if you could be so kind!
Just covering all bases, figured I would see what people have to say. Met a wonderful Virgo man, we fell for each other right away and moved a little fast. Went to Vegas together (10/24/10 to 10/29/10) and had a great time. Got back that friday night (the 29th) then the following monday (Nov. 1st) he broke it off with me. I was pretty shocked and I really wish I knew exactly why, he gave me so many cliche reasons that it almost seems fake! I believe that he got overwhelmed and scared. I'm not ruling out incompatibility or the possibility of it being about another woman but my heart tells me he is scared. Is my heart failing me once again? We were opposites, but I truly believe we still attract!
He is a Virgo, born 8/27/80 somewhere between 1 and 6 am in Philadelphia, PA. I am an Aquarius, born 2/13/84 at 12:41 am in Passaic, NJ.
Any insight would be helpful and I thank you in advance for your help!
This is not a psychic reading, I am an amateur, so keep that in mind.
Your energy is "Reaching out" for him, can you find a way to expand your energy to include him, without expecting anything (including a phone call) from him?
I think that would help. Wrap your emotions around being present and aware of your current, real time surroundings, and enjoy the beauty that is all around you. It's an irresistable woman who is completely satisfied with herself, and doesn't need any one man to make her happy.
Best of luck.
Awwwh whats with all the sad broken hearted aquarians everywhere !
Bggest hugs from on aqua to another
I feel your spontaneous nature rushed you into this situation without you getting to know what this guy was really like. Once you get past the hazy romantic stage, you two are very different people who can get on each other's nerves a lot. You JA can generate real chaos around you and this will upset your Virgo man. He needs to have everything planned out beforehand which does not sit well with yourself, for whom half the fun in life is playing it by ear. When things move too fast, the Virgoan becomes disoriented, lost and mistrustful. There is a tension and a rebelliousness here that does not bode well for love or a long-term relationship. You both have a sense of fairness which can lead you into battle if you are offended. You will contend with each other and will only ignore your differences when called to fight together against a threat from the outside world or authority. The real trouble will start when one of you tries to have too much power or control over the other. Marriage would prove exceedingly problematic. Your picky efficient Virgo spouse will come to hate having to clean up after you, as you can be quite negligent domestically. Your freedom-loving nature in the long run will probably make it too difficult to meet your spouse's demands of fidelity and marital responsibility. Though a Virgo man can supply some much-needed structure to your somewhat erratic life, too often he also arouses your rebelliousness against his critical and nitpicking ways.
Thank you for the advice - I've been enjoying myself and doing my best not to pay any mind to the situation but of course it IS very hard. I do admit, I am still shocked and have it in the back of my mind that he will at least call me soon.
Thanks for the huugg :0) Hugs back! Yea, what's with us??
We were both very spontaneous about this union. And yes, we did realize that we are VERY different people. We got on each others' nerves a bit but for the most part we were able to drop things (like his constant harping about things being "logical") and still were able to enjoy our time together. And you're right, I did have a tendency to rebell against his need for logic. It's just not how life is! Things don't always make sense. I wish he would cut loose a little - I thought I could be a good influence of that for him, and he did provide more structure to my chaotic ways. Not too much though, he didn't have to take care of me. Actually, every time I tried to bring order to our plans, HE was the one that said he didn't like to plan ahead. He was a more of a spontaneous Virgo than I've ever met.
He is very picky and he does nitpick a bit. I just laughed it off though! I really fell for this guy just the way he is. I'm used to people of his kind, I didn't see those things as terrible problems. And believe it or not, he's just as messy as I am - little does he know I would keep a very clean house.
Only time will tell. I appreciate your insight! I wonder if I'm just pulling the wool over my own eyes. It is a shame though, he said this trip was a "test" to see if we could work out but I just don't think that was fair. We were in Vegas. I let go and let my hair down a little, if I had known it would be like that I would have shown a better example of myself :0(
When you said:
Your energy is "Reaching out" for him, can you find a way to expand your energy to include him, without expecting anything (including a phone call) from him?
This made me think... I live with my parents right now and my room is a MESS. Now, when I live on my own, I don't keep a messy room or living space for that matter. I've never been able to keep a clean room at my parents house - I feel that there's so much clutter in my surroundings because being at home I just don't feel independent or at home... I just get a very sad feeling being at home. I tend to feel depressed being there. Do you think this has something to do with it? Do you believe in Feng Shui in the sense that maybe I should eliminate the clutter around me and start pairing things and living like I'm including him in my living space even though we aren't together and he's not living with me?
I must sound so desperate. Though I appear ok on the outside and I'm truly handling this better than I ever have handled any relationship before, my heart is just in pieces. I've never felt the way I'm feeling about someone before and I'm still in shock. This is the first time in my life that I've let a man go without any fight or plea or anything - he even thanked me for being so mature a bout it - and he seemed upset doing it, almost like he didn't want to. I can't fight the feeling that he'll come back! Why am I feeling like this if it's not real? Am I losing it?
Also, his mother didn't even know I went with him to Vegas. She didn't know until we got back to his house and she asked how it was (not addressing him in particular) and I answered along with him. She then questioned, "Oh... you went too? That's great!". Another weird thing was he asked me to leave my bags outside, which made sense to me because I was getting picked up from there very shortly but now that I think about it, it makes it weird since his mom didn't know I went. This is all just so confusing. I'm trying my best not to question things and just let it go because I can't change the situation but its so hard when it happens so fast! :0/
I just can't shake the feeling that he was overwhelmed. I didn't see any of our "tiffs" being enough for him to cut it off. If so, that's really sad that he would let such little things ruin something that could have had the potential to be good. I felt that with us being so different from each other we had a lot to learn from one another. Maybe I'm just nuts?
Awww JA my heart goes out to you. I think I told you in another thread that your ex more than likely wouldn’t be coming back, but I knew you had hope he would and I thought then that, that hope might hinder your healing. I’m not clairvoyant in the least, I just have a pretty good understanding of caps and virgs and I completely understood your ex’s actions because I have been there myself too many times to count.
About a week ago I broke up with my now ex (an aquarius- someone in another thread mentioned something about all the broken hearted aquas and I cringed because I thought of my ex). Anyway, he to did what you are doing now, he questioned why, things he did, what he could have done better, thought I was being nitpicky, didn’t give us enough time, ect. In fact I know this VERY MINUTE he is still questioning what he did wrong/what went wrong. The fact is that he didn’t do anything wrong, he was a fantastic guy… just not for me because I KNEW we didn’t have what it took to be long term. I deeply regret hurting him, but I do not regret leaving.
My point is, don’t question the whys and what ifs or you will make yourself crazy. Try (and I know how HARD this is) to put your thoughts elsewhere, learn whatever lesson you were meant to learn from this. Come here and vent as much as you need, this site has really helped me in my personal growth. I wish you nothing but the best.
You can't possibly tell what a person will be like unless you live with them day-to-day for a long time. You already have things that bother each of you about the other and you've only been dating a short while. Imagine how magnified these differences would be if you were together constantly! Romance is one thing - it's quite another when you are faced with seeing someone day-in, day-out and facing domestic problems together. The romance quickly fades as reality replaces it. You can't judge what your whole life together would be like by one weekend away.
Thank you to the both of you. Snowball, I sound like your ex! I think the hardest part about this is the fact that I feel as though the rug was ripped out from under my feet. I was fully prepared to look past his faults - grumpy sometimes, nitpicks and stresses over small things... I really just liked... him. Very much. Maybe it's because he just treated me so much better than most, if not all in the past but I did really just like Dennis. It makes me sick to realize just how many times I've been mistreated. I always thought that I was "too nice" or that I was just "loving unconditionally". Every time I think I get it - I don't. But at the same time, I DO!
When he broke it off with me I accepted it and didn't put up a fight at all. I told him that I experienced a lot with him that influenced personal changes in me and thanked him for that. Although I'm very deeply upset, I still look at our pictures and smile. No tears. I'm amazed by this - I'm usually CRAZY, blowing up a man's phone, questioning why, crying, writing novels spilling my heart out to them. This time, of COURSE I question, but in silence. I have not dialed his number, have not sent one text... I've even seen him out and didn't look his way at all. It's been VERY hard, especialy since I feel I deserve a more detailed reason as to why this happened. I want to know exactly what I did that turned him off - at least I could use it constructively!
Even after all this, I have the most unsettled feeling about it all. I'm still in shock and really want to understand exactly why. I feel as though, even though it was less than 2 months, he was my first mature love. At least on my end. I often think to myself, if and when I ever see him out again, will we ever speak of all this again? I daydream of him coming to me and apologizing, asking my forgiveness and telling me how stupid he feels for thinking this way and that way about _______ (insert small thing I did to "irritate" here). Almost like I could be a wakeup call to him that maybe he's a little too judgemental and he should try to loosen up a little - love a little (again - he's had his heart broken many a time). I just don't get it! I don't believe I did anything over the top to merit his decision. To me, I don't believe I did anything that was enough for him to say, "I don't want to be with this woman", and everyone else (friends) is just as shocked and believe the same.
I wonder if he's ever thinking of me or the things I did for him to make him feel good (not sexually!), something silly I did that makes him laugh to himself - an endearing laugh. My smile... I wonder if he misses me one bit. I wonder if he thinks "ya know, maybe I was a bit hasty to end things so abruptly... maybe I should give it another shot". I just wish I had another chance. I really really do.
Then I think to myself, why put someone on a pedistal that doesn't want to be with me? I'm a great woman. Many men seem to find me attractive and treat me nice, why must I sit here and think about him still? And how can I smile after all this? I went to Vegas with this guy and really fell for him, only to have him rip my heart out.
I'm in a constant battle with myself. Letting things go have always been EXTREMELY hard for me, morso than anyone I've ever known. Sometimes I feel as though I just shouldn't even bother getting caught up in anything with anyone bc my heart is just tired. I'll just get attached in some way and an all new hope will arise. This is terrible. :'0( Part of me wants to say screw it, I'm mad - I deserved more and just scream and cry at him, "How could you DO this to me?! I thought....." You know? Emotions are coming in tidalwaves with each passing day. I'm up and down all the time. One minute I feel fine about it, the next minute I'm saying to myself "wow, he was a breath of fresh air, I hope he's happy" and smiling at our memories, then the next minute I'm cursing him and partially hating him. Its usually more smiles, memories and hope, then I get angry at mySELF for one of the 2 or 3 things I just mentioned. I just feel SO lost, in a different way than I ever have before. I know it will pass but it seems like forever away.
TheCaptain - that is all very true. At the same time, you've stated yourself in another thread that people have the ability to change their own mind. That brings me to your statement: "You can't judge what your whole life together would be like by one weekend away". I STILL can't help but feel that he'll come back and give it another shot. I know that theres been cases out there where people felt a certain way about another's flaws but decided to try and see if they could look past it bc they felt love for the person and it was enough to create that compromise. I see opposites compliment each other in that sense all the time. I don't know. This may just be another attempt to pull the wool over my own eyes. This is more difficult than being cheated on I think....
By the way, the word that was blanked out was only S C R E W hahahahaha! WOW.... That's even worse than blanking out S E X!!
“It's been VERY hard, especialy since I feel I deserve a more detailed reason as to why this happened. I want to know exactly what I did that turned him off” – My ex said this almost verbatim, when I left him. I tried my best to explain to him that it wasn’t any specific thing, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t understand what I meant. It likely wasn’t anything as trivial or specific as … you chew too loud when you eat, or you didn’t fold your clothes and put them away as soon as you took them off.
It’s more like what Captain said “You already have things that bother each of you about the other and you've only been dating a short while. Imagine how magnified these differences would be if you were together constantly.” With my aqua it was more a general way of how we related to each other, other people, our views at large; an understood but unspoken understanding that yes while we may get along ok, our differences would eventually rip us apart (or make us miserable). Im very logical so to me it didn’t make sense to stay and prolong the inevitable. Also, my aqua got emotionally attached way tooo fast for me and it made me uncomfortable because I knew his feelings for me were MUCH stronger than mine for his (I sense your virgo picked this up from you as well). So me leaving was actually my way of trying to be responsible with his emotions. I suspect your ex was trying to be responsible toward your emotions as well. I know it sounds a little off (I’m going to leave you which will hurt you, so that I don’t hurt you), but it makes perfect sense in its own little logical way (at least to me).
“I wonder if he misses me one bit” I’m sure he does, I miss my ex at times (his reliability, consistency, sometimes just talking to him, the sex even – he’s a very sexy guy) BUT I will never again be with him romantically. Missing someone does not = I want to be with you.
I hope this is clearer to you than it was to my ex and helps in some small way : ) I wasn’t very successful in getting him to understand.
I don’t know if this will help, but I’m sure your ex has thought about you, but try to understand that he likely hasn’t contacted you, not because he thinks you’re an awful person, but because he doesn’t wish to hurt you any further. I think you are taking his rejection as a reflection of WHO you are and you shouldn’t. Rejection hurts it cuts deep, but try to hold on to whatever positive energy you have within you to move forward. Honestly, even if he came back begging on bended knee!! Could you trust him? Think about it
I did get attached - only after he acted so attached first, I couldn't help it. I thought it was mutual - I thought it was ok to open my heart the way I did. I just feel that if 2 people care for each other, it should be enough to overlook the things that could potentially tear us apart and work on not allowing them to do so. It takes 2 though - I'm obviously alone here. :'0(
You're right, he hasn't contacted me. It's been almost exactly a week. I didn't really expect him too.... yet. I thought that eventually he may. He said he really didn't want this to effect us in the sense that we can't talk to each other, he thought I was awesome, I believe he said he wanted to be friends. I'm still head over heels for him though, just looking at him makes my heart sing. It makes me sick a little. I'm kinda mad. The fact that I'm left feeling this way - this is the LAST position I thought I would be in. I thought it was going to be the other way around at one point. I'll never get comfortable like I did again.
It does feel good to have been able to let him go without giving him a hard time about it. I care for him very, very much and I STILL hope he comes back. I'm not putting all my eggs in that basket though.
I have serious trust issues but he was one man I did trust and I still do.
I know this is the time for me to learn how to love myself more than anyone but I don't exactly know how.
In hindsight, we tend to dwell on what was good and forget the bad so it is more a fantasy than reality.
You love yourself by being real with yourself and doing what you really want, not acting out of some desperate need. The hole you feel in yourself can only be filled by love for yourself. You have to like yourself and your life. If there is something about yourself you don't like or feel comfortable with, change it. But this entails probing deeply into yourself and your motivations and past experiences to find negative patterns that you might be repeatedly acting out. Our relationship with our parents or primary caregivers and our childhood circumstances sets up many of our future situations and needs.
I agree - I was adopted at 6 mos. old by a very emotionally and physically abusive mother and an emotionally unavailable father. On top of that, I have NO idea what went on in my life from 1-6 and a half months old. My mother told me that when they adopted me, I never smiled, and the foster parents that cared for me prior to adoption used to just sit me in a little bouncer chair (for lack of a better term) and let me sit in the sun a lot, not much affection there I'm assuming. Also, after the adoption, once I got used to my parents I cried and cried and cried when anyone else tries to hold me other than my parents and my brothers. Now, I have a very awkward relationship with my family. We don't kiss and hug very often and when it comes to seeing my brothers or keeping in touch, I'm practically MIA. I feel very awkward and I can't put my finger on the reason as to why. I believe that my early childhood had a HUGE inpact on the way I give and receive love. Not exactly sure how, I've never gone to therapy and spoke to a professional about that but I feel that I should. I'm always so desperate in terms of love. :0/ No bueno.
Also, my youngest brother out of my 3 (I'm the baby) was my best friend growing up. When I cried in the night and my parents didn't come to see me he would get up and hold me then scold my parents for letting me lay there and cry like that. He would take me in a radioflyer wagon to his little baseball games and I would just sit and chill there... he was awesome. When he went away to college when I entered 1st grade - it killed me. I was too young to understand why and I wasn't the same since. I feel that I have abandonment issues due to that and other things as well. Maybe this is what I should focus on... getting past my inner ailments...
Hi, I wouldn't take him back if he comes back. Good Luck. Give it time. Enjoy your freedom and remember you will meet someone else.
JA, you do need to work through all the screwed up lessons your past taught you about love. Counselling would probably help but in the end you are the one who can help yourself the most. You can get past your beginnings and heal. Once you realise that none of the abuse or rejection you received was your fault - the blame goes to all the damaged adults who did not care for you properly. So try to understand why you are the way you are and what childhood patterns you are repeating. Otherwise you will go on searching for what you know as love - for someone who is unavailable, abusive or who simply will abandon you. You will find self-empowerment by casting off the past in every way that it is still affecting you. Tell yourself often that you are a lovable person worthy of good treatment and happiness. You don't need anyone else to prove this fact - you only have to believe it yourself by liking and loving yourself.
No wonder your relationship with your family is awkward - it must bring back unhappy memories of your past traumas and neglect when you are with them.
I agree with u-too many broken hearted Aquarians out there! Our time to feel the emotional pain of the universe maybe????
It seems a pattern for us is to have some type of childhood that was a lesson in abandonment and/or neglect. Although people were there, their caregiving just never meets our needs. And to be candid, I have been through 2 years of counseling and working on myself to "love myself". That phrase just confuses me. Of course we love ourselves. We love being everything that the rest of the world is not. We love that we portray ourselves as OURSELVES. We love that we nurture the world. I just think it was more faith in myself that I had to find. Prayers that you find what your truely looking for .
And if it helps to know....I also lost a (what I think is) Love (Sagittarius) in March. Haven't went a day without thinking of him and wanting him to come back. Just finding fill-ins till that day comes. But in reality....it probably won't happen.
So true, Aqua! I've noticed that with a lot of the Aquarians I know or have met. Same or similar childhood patterns. I feel that a lot of the parents out there just don't know how to deal with the far-out side of our nature. I know that as a child, I was scolded a lot for wanting to crawl around on the floor acting like a dog or playing a lot of in-depth imaginary games. My mother is mentally ill - I believe that had a lot to do with it.
I've been traveling down this path to self-acceptance and loving oneself for SO so long, it's SUCH a tiring walk. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I run... sometimes I nap on the trail. It's grueling, for sure. I've been with psychiatrists, psychologists - the whole nine. Even ended up with a mental breakdown in the emergency room - it's odd bc I DO love being me, I'm a very loved and respected person but I dunno - I hate myself at the same time. I feel embarassed sometimes by how adsent-minded and forgetful I can be, and I hate how deeply I get attached to people, places and things. I know these can be great traits and they make up Joyous, who I am and whom people have come to love but I still fight with myself inside. Constantly. I just wonder when it will end - when I will just be... happy. Period. I know it takes time and patience - it's just been so so long!
It's still VERY deeply upsetting all this feedback about the bearded man I fell in love with. I just want him to come back - I miss him dearly :0( I know I can't put all my eggs in that basket but I just don't know. He never leaves my mind - and he'll never leave my heart. He awakened a lot within me - he was like a breath of fresh air and a wakeup call all in one. He still remains amazing to me, as simple as he may be.