i hope all is good with you. can you help me please, I still struggle on with J who now is farther away than he has ever been from me, is there any hope left at all for us to get back together
help me: try to be contented in your own space being with yourself.
is there any hope left at all for us to get back together: yes.
J is too old and too much fixed in his approach to life. Drop all concern with anyone. Choose your own way.
so my own way is to sell the house and move somewhere more central to in some way start afresh - are you saying if i do this J will follow?#
sorry me again - you also mentioned previously J will sell the business - is this still likely
what about miss N
if i do this J will follow? no.
is this still likely: no.
what about miss N: her heart wants to go into the unknown, but her mind is clinging to the known.
I don´t say they don´t get it -- it is just that they don´t agree to take it up.
i am very confused by your answers
i iwsh i knew what to do
i iwsh i knew what to do: just think, that you are feeling better.
Then you are ready to endure this unfathomable, then you will find courage to dive into it, this willo give you the courage.
dear hans thanks for your answers
what about miss N: her heart wants to go into the unknown, but her mind is clinging to the known. - Are you saying that she wants to leave but she is worried about this
I don´t say they don´t get it -- it is just that they don´t agree to take it up. - can you tell me specifically what this means please
Are you saying that she wants to leave but she is worried about this: yes.
can you tell me specifically what this means please: you cling to your truth, but when truth comes from the heart, it is a completely different energy and it is always then the truth for everybody not just yourself.
Lisa, your love feels to me..... I feel as though there is an obsessional quality... as though underneath the surface there is an anguish.
HI there Hans thanks for your comments. I guess what is underneath the surface is an anguish....of being alone.
I have had my suspicions confirmed today that J and N are back together. I feel of course devestated. I want it to work between him and I but feel hopeless now. I dont think for a moment it will last between them but he seems to be on the same downward spiral as this time last year. It makes no sense at all. He has been lying to me again and worse to the children.
can you help ?
can you help ? the joy you wanted to achieve transform its position into a state of suffering and you are waiting for impulses from outside. Drop the hopes and the waiting and follow your energy.
watch your deep breath day in and day out.
so you are seeing Ineed to give up all hope and just get on ?
so you are seeing Ineed to give up all hope and just get on ? yes.
you do need bliss.
and you will have it. You are missing it only because
you have not looked at it through feeling. And feeling
is real life. Thinking is phoney because thinking is
always about; it is never the real thing.
Understanding Justice: Understand the situation (relationship) ffirst. You cant accept and let go if you do not understand it. Right. You need clarity. Right. You are in the relationship not I of Hans. You hold the answer. No one should ever tell you what to do. You own your will.:)
Now you are or must be aware that we all end up alone..that is part of becoming whole. Grounding self mentally physically and spiritually so we can be a whole self loved and fullfilled being and have a selfless long lasting fruitfull relationship.
If you do not trust your own judgments...do you really think you will attract a loyal and trusting partner?
Here it goes agian self love first...remember if you do not have a self passion....vareer..endeavor etc...you will not attract one who has...it becomes a need for a security and happiness not attained by ones divine self.
"I embrace the divine path that allows my true hearts desires to manifest in abundance"
"I embrace the divine acceptance and truth in all my relationships including my physical and spirited self"
Peace Love Prosperity
what do you see right now for me pplease
what do you see right now for me pplease: you have to work, piece for piece, step for step.
Happiness with a reason is not deep joy. If the reason falls away, the happiness disappears. The only real joy is in the heart, it is the result of inner strength and purity. If you need other people in order to be happy, to be mentally alive, to fill your days, then you do not live yourself.
Protection against affliction brings mutual joy. Talking turns very easily into a discussion. Stay calm and relaxed. Don't expect to be put in the right, agreeing is not necessary for a good contact. You can like a person without liking his convictions. Stay curious and positive towards ideas different from your own.
During his sojourn at a village, a fakir was
approached by its people who asked: "Will you not come
to our temple, and tell us whether God is or is not?"
The fakir replied: "God? What has that got to do with
you? Go, do your work. No one has anything to do with
God. If it were so, this world would be a different
place altogether Then this world would not be so ugly,
so vile, so arrogant. If we had any purpose with God,
we would have made a different world altogether. No, we
have no interest in this direction, nor do those who
sit in temples. The priests, the sadhus, crowds of
sannyasins and gurus that have gathered together in His
name, not even they have any interest in God; nor those
that offer flowers and break coconuts on the temple
walls. If God meant anything to us, this would have
been a different place altogether. Go do your work;
what business have you with God? Do not waste your
But the people would not leave him: "Today is a
holiday, please do come."
Said the fakir: "So that is it: Now I understand.
Because today is a holiday, you have time to spare for
God. Man cannot sit without work, so when he has
nothing to do, be thinks of God, and he tells his
beads. So today is a holiday? Alright I shall come. But
what will I tell you about God? For nothing could ever
be said about God up to now. Those who said, made a
mistake. Those who know, remained silent. I would be
foolish if I said anything, for that will prove that I
do not know. And you insist that I go with you? All
right I will."
They went to the Masjid. There was a big crowd there.
Crowds create illusions. It appeared as if people were
eager to know about God. So the fakir said, "Since so
many of you are eager to know about God, may I ask you:
Do you believe in God? Does God exist?" All the people
lifted their hands in acquiescence -- they knew God is
and believed in Him.
"Then the matter ends there," said the fakir. "Since
you are convinced that God is, there is no need for me
to say anything. I must go back." And he left.
The people were nonplussed. They did not know what to
do! Since they had raised their hands in favour of His
existence they could not possibly turn round and deny
Him. And who knows? Do you? But if anyone asks, you too
will raise your hands.
This act is a lie! Truth cannot descend by any means
into the life of a man who thus lies before God. And
when a man gives false evidence of God's existence,
when he has not the slightest idea of His whereabouts,
he closes all doors of life to let him in. Then no ray
of the eternal spirit descends in him. No light of the
Supreme Reality will ever burn within him; no prayer v
ill ever flow from within him; no flowers of divinity
will ever bloom within him -- and yet he is convinced
of God's existence! For this man does not take the
trouble to look within himself and realize that he is
uttering an atrocious lie; that he knows nothing
And thus fathers prevaricate untruths to sons, and
gurus to their disciples, and religious heads to their
followers. None of them know of the existence of God.
If you ask for clarification, they are shaken and their
God-concepts crumble to bits, for no voice from within
will corroborate their statement. Perhaps as he tells
you that God exists, a voice within him reprimands him:
"What is this you say? You do not know at all!"
The fakir said: "Since you already know that God is,
the matter is finished. But it surprises me that a
village where so many people believe in God should be
no different from any other village It is just the
The village folk were now worried. What should they
do? The next Friday they went to him again with the
same request. The fakir said: "Last time you said you
know God is. Now there is nothing left to say."
"Those were different people. We do not know God.
Please come and enlighten us," they said.
The fakir exclaimed: "Oh wonderful Lord! These are
the same people, I recognize their faces -- but they
have changed!" The fact is, it does not take long for a
religious man to change. A more dishonest person than
he, would be hard to find: he is a different man in his
shop and quite another in the church: and no sooner he
leaves the church he is a completely different person.
The fakir said: "Praise be to the Lord! How these
people have changed! Never mind, if you are different
people, I shall go." He went to the Masjid and said:
"Friends, I ask the same question again, for today I am
told there are different people, though many faces look
familiar. 'Is there God?'"
The people replied in one voice: "No, God is not. We
do not believe in Him, now you explain."
The fakir said: "Then the matter is over. When there
is no God, where is the need to talk about Him? When He
does not exist, then to what does your question relate?
Is it in connection with that which is not? Which God,
What kind of God, do you ask about?"
The people were floundered. It was difficult to get
anywhere with this man. He told them: "Go back home.
Why do you come at all in search of that which is not?
What is your quest when you have found out He does not
exist? Forgive me now and let me go."
The wise men of the village were now all the more
anxious to hear him for they were convinced he held a
secret. He was no ordinary fakir -- for an ordinary
person is always eager to talk; give him a chance and
he will speak. But this man turns down all occasions to
speak! There is a mystery about this man.
On the third Friday they went to him again and put
the same request, "But I have already been twice and
the matter is ended," the fakir said.
The people said: "Today it is quite a different
affair. Please come, for this time we shall give quite
a different answer.
To this the fakir said: "He who comes prepared, his
answers are always untrue. It only shows that you do
not know the answer. He who knows, needs no
preparation. Only he who does not, needs to be
Remember, all the answers you have come armed with,
are false. Answers that "come" are the correct answers
in life. All others are false. Truth is never prepared.
Truth comes; untruth is always fabricated. Whatever the
compound, is false; whatever comes, is the Truth. Truth
is never provided, therefore whatever man prepares is
anything but Truth. That is why all scriptures and
doctrines and sects of the world are false, for man has
made them. Man is not capable of creating Truth. Truth
comes when this illusion falls that he can produce
Truth. When man leaves all the man made tenets, Truth
descends into him.
The fakir said: "I can tell you without your telling
me, that your answers are false. But still, I shall go
He went for the third time. Perhaps the village
pundit thought they were very clever. They little knew
that cleverness does not pay in the realm of Truth.
But the wise men of the village were confident. They
were bent upon pinning the fakir down today. But they
did not know that the very word fakir meant one who has
broken all bridges that ensnare. They also did not know
that when a man tries to ensnare another he gets
The fakir, however, went to the masjid. He addressed
the gathering: "Friends, for the third time, the same
question again. 'Does God exist or does He not?'"
Half the congregation raised their hands and said
"God is" and the other half raised their hands and said
"God is not." And on this they requested the fakir to
speak. The fakir folded his hand and looked up at the
sky: "Lord, this village is very entertaining!" Then he
turned to the crowd: "You fools, since half of you know
and half of you don't, why don't those of you who know
tell the others who don't? Why do you drag me in
between? You decide among yourselves." And he left.
Then the village pundits did not go a fourth time.
They tried very hard to coin the fourth answer but they
could not. The fact is, there are only three answers --
yes, no, or both.
The fakir tarried long in the village, hoping they
would come again but they did not. When someone asked
him why he still stayed on, he said: "I am waiting for
them. They might come for the fourth time, but they
have not come."
"How can they?" the man asked. "What answer they
could give you for the fourth time, they do not know."
The fakir, said, "If I were to tell you, my answer
would also become useless, because for you, it will
again become a ready-made reply."
The fakir then writes in his autobiography: "I waited
for them to come and take me once more to the temple;
and if they gave no reply when I asked the question,
and if they waited in silence, I would have had to
speak -- for their silence would have proved the
sincerity of their quest."
thank you for your responses
I have another question, I am thinking of asking jer to share a meal with us all on christmas day - should I do this and do you think he will accept
should I do this: yes.
and do you think he will accept: no.
the moment you understand that this is something absurd, drop it. Transformation is not needed. And transformation is not possible either, because guilt is not a real thing. It is just an idea enforced in your mind. It is like a person who by mistake has learned that two plus two are five. Now, do you think some transformation is needed? All that is needed is to tell that person: “Two plus two are not five but only four.” Just put four chairs before him – two chairs on this side, two chairs on this side – bring them together and tell him to count, whether they are five or four. And do you think he will have much difficulty in dropping the idea of five? There is no question. The moment he sees that two plus two is four, the five is finished.