A little help please
Its been quite a while since my last visit but things have been quite busy. The cancer treatment with my dad is affecting us all pretty badly. I personally am not sleeping very well and am constantly worried....I think that because of how I am that my progress with getting over what my estranged husband did has faltered. An example, the other day I brought my mam shopping and I saw him with her (the one he had the affair with) and one of her children. They were acting like one big happy family. This upset me because he was never and still is not a father to his own children. Why do some people dismiss their own flesh and blood so callously.........?
I just feel so overwhelmed by everything and am afraid that I may get lost this time, the strength is drainging from me so quickly.......
Geraldine, hold on! We cannot change other people, we can only change the way we allow them to affect us. He is who he is and she will soon find out for herself. Forget about him and concentrate on you and your children. You are all they have. Be the "Bigger" person and Forgive him and pray for him. If you let it go and give it to God and the Universe you will feel better, the kids will see for themselves don't talk bad about him either. Move on with your life, sounds like he did you a favor. The right person for you and your kids will come along for now just focus on what makes you happy and take one day, minute, hour at a time.
Your life is just beginning. Try not to be emotional and practice deep breathing whenever you feel like you are panicked, remember YOU ARE BIGGER THAN THIS. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Add your father to the prayer list.
Here is a link.
Your words are most welcome and comforting
Geraldine, what Poetic has said is exactly what you should do but I want to answer a question you have asked.
It sounds to me like your estranged husband doesn't want any emotional attachments of ANY kind. Being super dad to someone else's child is easy because he isn't emotionally invested and he knows he can leave at any time without fear of having to pay child support. Do you understand what I mean?
Poetic is right, your children will see him for how he really is so it is up to you to be there for them and NEVER say anything bad about him to them. Life really does have a way of working itself out, always remember that. Right now your family really needs you and I know you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you MUST take some time out of the day to meditate or maybe take a hot bubble bath and let your mind go blank.
Pray for strength and know that this too shall pass.
Sent with Love and Healing,
Your kind words have brought tears to my eyes....The generosity and love from this forum have overwhelmed me.
God bless you all.
It's going to be alright, wait and see. You are not the first woman to go thru this nor will you be the last. Still you will RISE!
Poetic and Notshy are so right
I went through it and I fell into hate as he tried to take credit for the children when our oldest died.
I could not understand how he could do it as he was not there in their lives for years.
I had to come back to me..I have been there for the children all those years..
But I had to rise above it all and let it go.
Know your own worth as I tell you..
Your children do see and know who was there for them.and we cant change who was their father.
My beautiful daughter holds no hate and goes on the way she wants to be in his life.
I am proud to say I NEVER spoke ugly about him to her as she was younger,
I just said I had wished he'd of taken more responsibility.and if she wants to ask then I am here.
I did not interfere with her to come to her own way to deal with her father.
I am proud of her....its her choice not mine.
and of course you feel you want to tell your truth to your child,but we don't want them to be in the middle.
That is the Beauty of Mothers...They do it some way some how.
Now I get the rewards by Trust.
Geraldine/Groovyger, Greetings! first, I am sorry , for, your father/family¤t, circumstances, "all"; I think , all, of your, "recieved" responses, were, heart-felt, and, very good, especially, liking/agreeing, "Notshy/Elaine"; two, Tarot cards, come, to mind: Strength, which, it appears, you are in/learning, and, The Queen of Swords, who, (whom?) you may/are, becoming, and, a pretty good thing, to become, given, the circumstances; the next thing, that comes, to mind, Mother (mam?) Father, You, "YOUR" children, and, the rest, of the extended, family; other, than that, those, of course, being, the important, thoughts, priorities, etc., as far as, "the Other", some people, seem, to be, "born" blind, tedious, and, extremely, "obtuse"; it has occurred, that perhaps, there is a, specific reason, for that, say, like, "they're", a kind of a" test-pattern"; a cosmic/karmic challenge, to, among, other things, develope character traits, and skills, of great value like, the archtypes, (Tarot), and this, for you/yours, which no one can, ever, take, from you, once, achieved. For now, perhaps, it might help, to stall/relieve, the hurt, pain, etc., feelings, from "the Other", by, everytime, you think about him, see him, associations,etc., think of, and picture, "something obtuse, thick, tedious, blind (and boring, wouldn't hurt, either!)something, like, "a cement truck", but, whatever, works for you, generate, an assciation, to it, TO disassociate/dismiss, "The Others', ANTICS", and place, your consideration(s)/concerns, where required, where warrented, where deserved. I'd, really like, to say, "something, brilliant", right now, but, all, I've got, "is, Have Faith, and Believe" Cat-in-theMoon
My two older boys know exactly what their 'father' is and I have never had to say anything to them. As they are only too aware, the person who has always been there for them has been me. The younger boy is still trying to hold on to the pretence that daddy loves him and it does break my heart when I see what his dad does with her and her kids but I do bite my tongue. There are lots I could tell my son but that would only hurt him and I would never do that to him. My children are the most important part of my life and I would do anything to protect them. I could have told my son about seeing daddy with her and her daughter last week but kept it to myself (even though he rang my son that day obviously fishing to see if I told him anything).
I was advised by a counsellor not to tell my son things but wait until he asks me questions....then I can answer him as honestly as is appropriate for a 10 year old. I have kept to that advice.
Sorry if I sound like I am rambling.
Thank you all again,
By the way, Cat-in-the-moon, I love that analogy of the cement truck.........really made me chuckle.
GroovyGer/Geraldine, you, "ok" woman? Cat in the moon
Cat in the moon, thanks. You are pretty OK yourself.............
Thanks, so much! Groovyger/Geraldine; ' been, concerned, for you/yours; even, Husband, asked, "how's, the, nice lady, with the, "cement-truck", doing?" Good, to hear, from you; hoping, there, is, improvement, all, around! Husband, wishes, to pass, a thought, along, concerning, "cement-truck" 1) Husband, calls, "him" cement-head 2) ' says, (male perspective, very interesting.......) "cement-head", very likely, is" acting", this way(kids,etc), (MAJOR DENIAL), rather, than(coping, avoidance, etc.) deal with, his guilt, regret, remorse, trespass, etc., I, we, both, with reason, have reason, to believe this, is very, likely......... I'm, thinking, you are, in UK? (US, here...) the reason, I mention this, (American Holiday, last Thursday, "Thanksgving"), we, included, you/yours, in The Harvest Blessing, so thanks, also, for letting me, know, "you," got, the message! Hugs XOXOXO Cat
You and your husband sound like two amazing people. Thanks for including us in your thoughts. I live in Ireland........
Have really not had any time to deal with cement truck as not only have we been coping with dad in hospital but our mam took poorly and she too was admitted to hospital (she suffered a minor heart attack). They discovered the main artery to her heart was severly blocked and had to insert four stents........It just seems like one problem after another....Honestly there seems no end in sight.
I am grateful for all your prayers and by the way your husband sure sounds like a "keeper"
Lots of Love
Geraldine, I'm so sorry, about, your mam, also, in dire straits, now, too; I, have to sit, with, your, note, a bit; it seems, as if,"something, is, wanting, to be said", but, sometimes, I can be," thick", and, "not connecting," so, some, "of my response," for later, please! For now though, last year, about this time, "EVERYTHING" seemed, like, "The Dark NIght, Of The Soul", and pretty much, "EVERYTHING ELSE", would, never end, for me, for husband, for us, Situation,Circumstances, Conditions, etc; "DIVINE DISCONTENT" (S.B. Breathnach/"Something More), and this,"simple thing" happened, on our way home, a shop, (gifts&floral) (sadly) going out of business/ another victim, of the, Economic Crash, and, she(Propietor) says, " 75%" off, if you(me/us), are, interested, in anything; there, was, a lovely, figurine, of an Angel, holding, a small grey cat, the proprietor, says, no one, wanted it, because, it, was missing,"the presentation box" no one, but me/us; on the Angels skirt, is written, "Have Faith, and Believe, on Angels Wings, you cannot Fall...", I've added, "Fail"also (Cannot Fall/Fail) I must've, repeated, that, phrase, 200 times, some days, but it's true! Hugs!Cat
You are so kind, your help is very much appreciated.
Do you mean that something is wanting to be said by me? I am a little confused there.
I will keep your little faith prayer close to my heart and will say it every day.
God Bless you
Look to the heavens which all you help come from. God is in control and although it doesn' seem like it now, but you will survive. God has done so much for me, I can tell you from experience, he will come through.
Hi! Groovger/Geraldine! sorry, for, the delay; what, I was meaning,"something, is wanting......." was, from me, to you, "an instant/stray thought, or an "association", that, I thought, was odd, and wondered, if it had, something, to do with, what subject, materials, we've, touched, on; what, the "mystery thought" was, US Civil War/New York(City) "Irish Brigades" so, I've been browsing, seeing, if, anything, jumps out, that may be, in some way, unknown to me, of interest, to you, but, 'can't, imagine, what, that, would have, to do, with, anything; anyway, I'll give it, a little more, time! I hope, your parents, are both doing, well; how, are you, and your children, doing? not much, right now, chores/maintenance, next few days, a little outing, next week, errands, etc., maybe "Mc D's", or, a carry-out, but, always, enjoy, "a change" anyway, I'll get back, with you shortly/ I'll, keep, checking back, for You, in the meantime, "God Bless, You, also, and we very much, thank You, too! Cat(Kathleen) & Bill