Why do Cancer Men do wrong, then make you feel like you did wrong ?
Im a Scorpio female .This Cancer Man did something that was very hurtful ! I called him out on it and now he's treating me like I had no right to confront him about it ! Now he's doing the whole Ignoring/ Disappearing act etc... Is he mad because I caught him in a lie ? Is he embarrassed ? How long does it takes for them to bounce back? I have let the whole situation go on my end( He would know if he would answer the phone )
Anybody out there ever experience this type of behavior with a Cancer Man ?
I too am a scorpio female and had a relationship with a cancer man. "We" are supposed to make a great match, but that was not my experience. A very similar situation to yours and frankly I think this has more to do with maturity than our respective signs. This guy I was with did something very inappropriate and hurtful to me. Then he pulled the disappear/ignore thing. This guy is 49 years old and I did not just assume that he was acting like a high school boy.
I was very patient, gave it some time, and then wrote him a letter. I've noticed in life that most cancers and pisces too will avoid "confrontation" at any price. As a scorpio I didn't even see it as confrontation, more like communication - got to have it, right? Anyway, even though I made it plain in the letter that I was not trying to confront him or accuse him, etc. I was simply telling him how I felt. I used that word over and over, felt.
He did not appreciate being called out. He was not interested in any truth so to speak. He got very, very angry and told me my letter was "inappropriate." I assure you it was not! I was not hasty, and I re-read it a few times before sending it.
What it came down to for this guy was he wanted to preserve his own self-image and he was furious that I would point out anything that would alter this image of his.
I don't know if this is true for you but, my guy was all about telling me how he felt, whenever he wanted to. But, how dare I expect the same from him. I wondered too if he was embarrassed. I'll never know though because he cut me off cold.
Maybe this is a cancer trait. I've always known that when you're dealing with a cancer on any level, any kind of relationship, it's always a full moon with people born under this sign. Can you deal with it and is it worth it? In both our situations I think not. I'm sure you did nothing (or at least very little) wrong.
My advice, let it go and move on. Whether it's astrology or maturity, we both deserve to have someone who will listen and truly care about how we feel. All the best, biz, S
And to anyone else who reads this thread : advice on female scorpio / cancer man would be most appreciated!! I know we scorps are intense little creatures, but, that's not always a bad thing. We are empathetic and very loyal so what sign is best equipped to "handle" us? Thanks!
@doublescorpio - WOW !! Reading your story was like Deja Vu !! The only problem with mine is that we are childhood friends . Our famiies are very close. The holidays are coming up and I don't want any tention between us . What should I do ?
hahahahha been there, done that.
Never again am I going to deal with cancers -_-. It saves me from going insane.
I've had that same issue with a non-Cancer as well (making me feel like things were my fault). Sometimes I'd hang up the phone and look at it wondering what had just happened.
I think some of these feelings of "wrong" had to do my own co-dependence. At times it can be easy to make me feel guilty. Not saying you are co-dependent! But if you didn't do anything wrong, then no reason to feel guilty.
As I Pisces I do avoid confrontation (had to laugh at that comment) - BUT if you call me out I'll talk rationally. I have aged well in that regard thankfully!
Wow, when I was married (to a Sagittarius) he always made me feel like everything was my fault too! He still does and we have been apart for almost 3 years now!
I think its just a personal flaw in some people. Not a sign thing!
Yikes! That sounds like a tough situation. It would be for me. I'm thinking on it and I promise to get back to you, just mad-busy at the moment! Biz, Sian
I don’t think any sign, man or woman likes being called out on something because it’s usually a criticism, accusation or anger. I’ve had exes (all different signs) that would get angrier than I ever was when I confronted them about something that upset me. When it’s a romantic interest the emotional intensity is stronger and there’s a possible fear of losing; whether it’s the person itself, their own dignity or your respect. One of my gf always says, never put something like that down on paper whether it’s to a man or a woman. First, it gives them the opportunity to read it over and over again and get angrier. Second, there is no dialog so they just have their own point of view and not yours and there is less likelihood of an apology. Third, the next meeting will be extremely uncomfortable and they’ll avoid it and you for as long as possible. Fourth, they will be less likely to approach you in case you are still angry.
My guy will not lay there like a dead duck if he is confronted; he’ll fight back. He can be as irrational as all heck when he’s angry but if you bring things up casually and start a dialog then he approaches it very logically and he will apologize if he’s in the wrong. Positive and negative emotions are expressed intensely, so if you want one you can expect the other if it gets stirred up. Kaplow, can’t you just approach him and say let’s talk? You’ve known each other since childhood….you do have some history.
Well, this is a tough one! Sorry it was deja vu - and not in a nice way. I'm trying to imagine what I would do if for any reason I had to be in a social situation with him. It wouldn't be easy, that's for sure.
I don't think there will be any way to avoid tension. However, the way you handle yourself could make things easier for you. First, even if you don't feel it, exude confidence. Find things to genuinely smile at, laugh at. Don't go out of your way to be "fake" but definitely visualize the way you want to appear to him and act that part. "And the oscar goes to .." A non romantic story I can tell you is this (sorry I don't have a romantic one) :
I am terrified of flying. It was a long time ago but, if you remember the TWA flight that exploded over the water just after leaving NYC. The flight was going to Paris. I knew two people on that flight, sisters, and their parents only children. They had saved and saved for this trip. I watched too much TV back then and as they replayed the explosion again and again .. it was like I was seeing them die again and again. Sometimes however, it is necessary for me to fly and here is what I do.
I pick someone, last flight it was Justine Henin (a tennis player who flies constantly) and I pretend to be that person. Ah, I am Justine, I fly all the time, no worries here. I am so relaxed I could catch a few winks on the plane. This works really well, sometimes too well! A few years ago there was a woman sitting next to me who was scared of flying and she would not leave me alone. Headphones on, really reading a book .. tap tap tap on my shoulder. It was like this the whole flight.
But, hey, back to you!! Also, bring someone you trust along with you. Someone that you have been able to confide in (or will be able to confide in) who will understand what you are going through. This way you will be part of a team and hopefully that will ease your tension too. And also, you won't feel like you have to explain your anxiety to anyone. You will have someone who will realize if you are uncomfortable and take a break from it.
I don't know about yours but, our family holidays always have a bit of tension going on anyway. So, if you do need a break, take it! Even if it's just a run to the store, a little fresh air can do wonders.
One more thing I tell all my friends when they are encountering any sort of challenging situation is : Don't forget to breathe! Long deep breaths, in through the nose and out of the mouth. Perhaps create a positive mantra for yourself? If you become anxious, focus on your breathing and repeat this mantra in your mind.
And don't be concerned in the least about his tension or how he is feeling. He created this situation. I can't help but to think this guy is immature. Ignoring someone is spineless. You deserve much better!!!
I really hope this helps! Maybe by the time the holidays get here it will have worked itself out!
Best wishes, Sian
As a cancer male, I'm deeply intrigued by the intensity, mystery and passion of scorpio females. I'm also a little bit prejudiced in the way I seem to get along best with all the water signs including other cancers and pisceans -- so if I show any signs of favouritism and partiality, these signs would benefit
Call me an irrational fool but I'm looking forward to my specially-made heavenly match with one of the water signs. If it happens, it would be like a dream come true.
Now, to answer the concerns by kaplow and doublescorpio:
First of all, I totally empathise with your situations and relationship troubles. Now, this is one quality you will find in immeasurable amounts among us cancerians. We empathise with living creatures to such an extent it might lead to our own detriment....we don't care even though we're often accused of being selfish and egotistical...nothing could be further from the truth.
it's just that unlike other signs, we don't want to "express" that inner sanctum to the outside world. We live in self-imposed crab-like shells of our own making. Our thoughts, our true feelings, our inner mind.....we believe they should not be the business of outsiders...it's like a strong privacy thing and we guard it to such an extent even loved ones including family members aren't allowed to get into this temple of sanctity.
Ever see when a cancer is in the midst of a crisis or problem situation, he turns to noone for kind words...he would rather sulk in the corner than seek help....this is what other signs would perceive as "running away from the problem"....it's not like we're running scared of the problems. Just that when our feelings are deeply involved into something and we notice a betrayal of trust, it shocks us like a sudden jolt of electricity.....we need time to recuperate from the damage caused to our emotional beings...
Relationship with a cancer is like a pane of glass....when the going is smooth, the cancer would shine in all its glory and give 200% to the relationship...however, the moment some serious damage is caused to his emotional being, it's like a big splinter in the glass which won't repair.
Now, what causes a damage like this. As doublescorpio rightly said, we "like to preserve our self-image" at any cost, and the moment you challenge it, it leads to terrible repercussions in our emotional states. It's not like we can't handle the truths but it's just that from a close relationship, we seek "nourishment" to feed our self-image egos. We don't need your discouragement....that's what we've been getting from the whole world.....the last person I'd expect it is from you...who happens to be the most important person in my life.
Why do cancers attach so much importance to our self-images? This is because we've built it over a lifetime.....being true idealists, we've worked very hard and gone through all the crap in the world to taste the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a positive self-image. For example, if a cancer male considers himself a prolific writer, he has indeed struggled very hard to taste that feeling. It's a lifetime of expectations built into creating that identity. And true, sometimes we may overestimate ourselves. But, hey, that's what the world is telling us all the time. We're fighting every moment of our lives to kill that perception the world has of our talents, abilities and desires. It is what builds that impenetrable wall of indifference cancerians are known for. By being in our shells, we are able to take all the insults, bullying and discouragement the world has in store for us. That is the source of our strength and recovery.
However, to a close one such as a better half, we have voluntarily agreed to guard our defences so that they can sneak a peek into what is going on "inside the crab-like wall". We expect such a person to complement our self-esteem and offer plenty of words of encouragement and support. It's a matter of real privilege that is been granted after much careful consideration. If you can't offer the much-needed support, fine, we could probably do without it. But, you have no right to violate the inner temple sanctum by your hurtful remarks and trying to prove we are worthless. When a very close and loved one calls me worthless, I tend to take it very literally.
Seeing how vulnerable cancers are deep inside, I hope it answers your query on why we can be so indifferent to even loved ones when our needs are suppressed and self-image torn apart. Yes, we are sensitive to a fault. Yes, we can't fight back those feelings of vulnerability as good as other signs do. Yes, we'd rather move on from such a person who causes so much irreparable damage to our identities. Yes, we can be like cry-babies when it comes to our very closed ones. But, that doesn't make us immature. In fact, many of us are very professional at work and can be social butterflies too. However, if you want to scale that wall of indifference for cancerians, you'll have to agree to our pact, as per our terms and conditions. You cannot breach that contract of not supporting us...and whatever we want to be.
Lastly, if you're wondering, how to win a distraught cancer male back, I don't know the recipe may vary from individual to individual, but you should know you've already caused a splinter in the glass pane and it might be impossible to heal that crack. Without access to our inner sanctums, you'd never really know what went wrong - WE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.
However, showing strong love and appreciation might win us back. As cancerians are always emotionally insecure, your chances at winning him back is to prove your love to him....all over again, in a creative manner...show him "why you can't live without him" and "what he means to you in your life". Show him how you will always "protect him from the whole world..no matter what happens". When a cancer is lonely and depressed, it's like he's on a sinking Titanic-like ship. Show him how you would rescue him as he drowns.
And, if you laugh at any of these concerns, it's probably you haven't "empathised" with the cancerian mindset.
Also, don't try to show cancerians any charity disguised as love. He will come to you when he realises you really need him. Getting love based on someone's charity is too much for cancer's ego. He deserves to be the one and only in your life even though he will continue to mask those feelings with a layer of indifference.
Cancerians are silent creatures and rarely, if at all express anger or disappointment with any perceived betrayal of the inner sanctum. However, still waters run deep.
Cancerians do love to communicate very well...but slightly, on our own terms. As we happen to be the most emotionally vulnerable signs, we need to take extra precautions in guarding the inner sanctum.
Well, as you can see I might have gone a bit overboard in sentimentality while writing this post. It's one more ethereal quality of being a cancerian. We experience a sea of emotions from the practical to the impractical.
Your posting definitely has great insight to those dating a cancer. I have actually ran accross quite a bit of this with the Cancer I have been dating a while. Do Cancer males tend to express their emotions for another person's through actions before they are comfortable with words..love for instance or deep caring? Also, insight into the cancer need for space periodically.. is that where they are processing something of a deep nature before they come out of their "shell" so to speak again?
I tend to think some dynamic with the cancer I am dating is evolving in someway to something more serious than it has been in the past. Thank you for insight!
Honestly my bro and I are both capricorns. I used to do it but now I am a 38 year old man. He is 26 and still does it, like the world owes him when things do not go his way! Its al men not just cancers.
So is the space thing more of a processing deep things and feeling more at ease with actions before words more for guys in general or more so for Cancers? Since I've dated him for 4 years and I have a child, I am trying to gain a better understanding about him as I just have this feeling in my gut that I can't shake that things are taking a more serious turn behind the scenes even though it is not being verbally communicated but is through actions. I don't think it will be something that will happen right away but probably over the next year. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Cancer men Leo etc...they all go through life phases as well. I would not be able to make a fair judgment becuase I do not know the demeanor of the relationship. I do not know his testimony but it is common for men to be more reserved emotionally and they come to you upon them feeling they can come to you at thier will and no presures. Pateince is very key and just being positive and not pushing, it will come on its own time if it is meant to be. Its part of nature and the social nurture of all men ........no zodiac "readings" their male demeanors programm them to handle those things differently than the female open emotion and talk demeanor. The we would have to factor in his past, life lessons, atc.........Communication is a very important intimacy; confidence, consistancy, and comfortability along with faith in a union's communication is a foundation of a loving and lasting relationship. You have to remember your ideals and to not allow settling and compromising your desires in a relationship continue becuase that will prevent bringing in that real divine union if you are not open and availableto it......much time in self resonance is needed and deserved here......
Thank you very much Capricorn444 for your insight. Can you clarify or elaborate a little further remember your ideals and compromising desires and the divine union part further? I have spent quite a bit of time lately to pull back to reflect on a variety of things really..quiet time or space... to recharge my batteries. I feel like a portion of my spiritual journey to some degree involves this cancer soul mate and my ability to better train empath abilities. Thank you so much for your help!
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Thank you so much Capricorn444 for further clarification. My ex-husband was an example of a soul mate that was not meant to be permanent. Can you elaborate on what the divine union you speak of is further..is that like the relationship with the oversoul or true self... or between soulmate/heartmates... How do you find out if your soulmate is also a heartmate?
I keep seeing things about severance in my cards for a while...At first I thought it referred to quitting smoking and finding closure on some old romantic issues...but I have worked through most of those from what I can tell. The main thing I see reoccurring in the relationship with my cancer soulmate is sometimes I get uneasy when he needs space, stops communicating regulary for a short time..but I am starting to realize that he will resurface once his "need for space is over".. I also tend to have moments with myself where I should probably learn to utilize "space myself" as I tend to get uneasy at times as we grow closer..Although the closeness is what I seek, sometimes I get the urge to bolt as he and I get closer. Once I get over the initial fear, I am ok with things again...
Thank you for sending the link you your blog. I will definitely check it out.
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I have clairvoyant and empath abilities and have read tarot for friends before just not over long distance before if you would like for me to help the next few days as it sounds like things for you will be picking up soon from you offer to read email. Pleas let me know if you would like for me to help.