HELP ME PLEASE! ANYONE
I am lost! I don't know what to do! I Love my husband of 6years, but he is currently in an affair with an woman 14 years his senior! He says that I am his "best friend" so he feels the need to tell me things about his feelings about her??? He says he still Loves me and still feels a connection with me and feels no connection with her (which I can't believe) he says that the connection is important to him. But he wants a divorce, although he says that he doesn't want to go through that but our relationship is very strained right now because of the other woman! If I listen to my heart, I want to work things out( because of the strong connection), but I'm listening to my head and I need to get out of this relationship! But it is so hard with that strong connection!! I do still love him so very much, it's killing me, literally!
Any advice or guidance is greatly appreciated!
Oh honey, my heart goes out to you. I've always learned, the hard way, that if someone wants out of your life then let them go. They will soon what they left, but it will be too late. Are you hanging on to him because you love HIM or the security that he brings you? People have the tendency of staying with things that are "familiar" to them instead of embracing "change". If he has that little respect for you and your marriage, then kick him to the curb (friendship and all)! I know it's easier said than done but you are strong and you can pull through. Find that bitterness inside of you and channel it, PACK his crap and throw it out of the house! LOL Or better yet have a HUGE yard sale and give the profits to a charitable organization! Keep coming back here and venting to us, we are your friends and we are willing to listen and help as you need/want us to. In the meantime, go rent "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and watch this clip to find strength....
With MUCH love and support,
Thank you for your reply! I know it's what I need to do! But it is soo hard! What is keeping me from leaving is a strong connection that we are meant to be! It's hard to describe, It's a strong feeling that overwhelms my whole body. I keep telling him to leave, but he won't. He still keeps telling me that he feels the same connection! I feel it with the slightest touch, so it has nothing to do with sex!
I know I will survive without him!! I just can't walk away!
He says he is lost and confused too, just last friday night he was out, when he came home, he said he came straight to bed (I was sleeping) and woke me up and told me he missed me and was thinking about me all night and couldn't wait to come home to me, he said he wanted to "make love" to me.... It's things like that, that make it hard for me to walk away.
I am so lost and want to do what is right for our 4 year old son & I!
Keep this in your mind at ALL times, would you want your 4 year old son treating a woman like your husband is treating you??? He's womanizing you and your son will, if he hasn't already, see that and think that it is acceptable to treat women that way because by Mom allowing the behavior and to a child, especially a son, Mom ALWAYS knows best.
I know exactly what you are saying, but it is easier said than done!! I do appreciate your advice! I know that this is what I need to do!!
I see a few endings... bitterness can be incredibly dangerous as it may just end up doing more harm than good. There is an ending where things may actually be patched up, but again... it may be incredibly difficult to attain.
This sort of relationship... this sort of emotional hell that you're experiencing is one of the most complicated things I've ever seen, but somehow I see that there is still some way out of it.
You have to be able to show that you're willing to force him out of your life if he doesn't choose one or the other, and chances are that karma may end up doing the rest for you if there are things left unsaid and undone.
If the relationship is no longer nourishing, or it's becoming hurtful and poisonous, show that you're MORE than willing to end it for the sake of you and your son. There is a point where you will have to make a decision
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am sending you hugs through the internet waves. I always believed in that old saying if it is true love and you let it go it will return to you in ten folds.
I do think both of you need to consider your son and how this will change his life.
Reflecting frim an open heart,
The connection you feel with your husband is real and makes you THINK you want to stay. The truth is that you will feel this same connection with another man that will not stray and make you live in tangled emotions. Your husband is telling you some of the details because of his guilt. You need to sperate yourself and son from him and get a strong backbone and support group which you have found to a degree here on this board. You also need in person support from friends and family to help you in your growth and awareness.
Pray, ask your angels to guide you through this and bring people to help you and your son. They most certainly will. Keep us updated on your progress in becoming the strong, spiritual woman that God meant for you to be. You will not be without another man to love you when you let go of your husband another man will come into your life , maybe unexpected but none the less he will appear to help you heal and than to be loved with a new level of devotion that you will cherish for the rest of your life.