Is this Virgo man scared or has he just made up his mind this quickly?
Thank you so much for your reply. It is exactly what I need right now, to have a perspective from the outside rather than only mulling it over myself. And that doesn't sound too harsh, it sounds sensible. The "novel" thing you said cracked me up, it was definitely a novella = haha. I just felt this sense of unnecessary unfairness. In terms of he takes me to a public place and unloads what he is going through, plus past horrors and although part of me was like, really? Really, here in a restaurant? My reaction though was one of understanding and empathy. I thought maybe he felt the need to take me to a public place for his own comfort, neutral territory.
So, concerning the letter, that's why I wrote it. I did want him to know that hey, this has made an impact on me too. Also, I did not want to be or even seem confrontational. But I so see what you mean in how that backfired. That is a lesson I won't forget. I know it wasn't an easy thing for him to do, confiding and trusting me enough to tell me these things. So, my thought was that if indeed he was feeling scared, a trickle down effect, by sharing some of my demons would be quid pro quo. A way of letting him know he was safe with me.
And it's almost funny what you said about the mental thing - not funny as in any mental difficulty, just that I'd considered it. The jekyll hyde aspect. How does anyone go from "you really are perfect, you are heaven," etc. to Go Away! It is a shame because in me he did have a wonderful woman who would never have repeated his past, the things he has been deeply wounded by. Even with the unacceptable way he treated me, I'm sure there is a sweet caring man in there somewhere. I don't think that everything leading up to the finish line was a complete act.
"The more space you allow for him to have in his mind, the more space you will allow him to clear in his heart."
Those are great words of wisdom, thank you. What a perfect way to put it! After the letter and the phone call I have no plans of contacting him again. Regardless of how much time goes by I do not think I will hear from him. So, I'm moving on. I'm even taking the opportunity to take an eight visit behavioural therapy course to better understand myself and my own responsibilities. At first I questioned how I "got myself into this situation" again. But, I've realised I didn't do this alone. Positive and negative, it takes two to tango.
It's such a shame the two of us can not be friends. We have soooo much in common. The first time I saw his apartment I was almost unnerved because it easily could have been my apartment. Well, blah, blah .. I'm focusing on myself for now. I've never understood my girlfriends who immediately jump into another relationship. No judgment to anyone! I just think work on yourself before you even start looking again.
And also you are right concerning what if he did come back - is this the sort of person I could trust and want to be with? Kudos to you for knowing how lovable you are, not beating yourself up and knowing you are worth it!! I am too! Best wishes and thanks so much again for you guidance, I'm feeling a lot better about what I'm doing, Biz, Sian
I'm SO so glad that my word brought you SOME peice of mind! I won't lie, I had a feeling that it was a long letter like that. You're not alone! Like I had said, I've done that MANNY times. I understand your reasons behind it completely, TRUST me. So weird, you seriously sound just like me with all the explaination of your reasoning!
I don't understand why men do these things, then have the nerve to say that WE take things too seriously and WE are the ones that become overbearing. And they say WE'RE crazy??!! They DRIVE us crazy! They think things are so simple but they really aren't always that simple.
I'm so glad that you've opted for therapy, I have been wanting to do the same for quite sometime and I just now received my health benefits at my job so that's definitely an option I'm looking into. I'm just so tired of making the same mistakes, I obviously keep going through this cycle because I can't seem to grasp what I need to do to break it. I feel that I'm getting close though!
Its odd that you said all that you said about his apartment. My Virgo and I both live with our parents still and our houses are the same - his mother is a packrat and so if my father, so our houses are very "lived in" (as he likes to refer to it). When he told me about it before we walked in I felt so relieved that we had that in common. It always made me feel uneasy.
I don't understand how people can jump right back into another realationship - its just not that easy. You need SOME time to get over things I would think, unless you're the person that broke it off. To me, its a sign of insecurity, but who am I to judge, you know? I agree with you. There should eb a period to reflect - figure out the repeated patterns followed if any and change your sails 'cuz you can't change the direction of the wind!
It took me SO long to get to this point. This is truly a breakthrough for me and I'm very excited for my future from here on. Thank you for the kudos and I must say, kudos to you for taking this time to figure things out for yourself. I have a great quote for you that I found today:
"Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one." ~ Ian Philpot
SO true... and its funny because when he broke it off with me I didn't shed ONE tear, thanked him for everything that I had experienced with him and said "I've felt a lot of personal growth in this relationship and now I know that I'm only getting closer to the right person". He was silent after that but hey you never know - he could take those words and turn arond like, "WAIIITTT!!! Come BACK!" lol. I sure hope so! But if not - it is what it is!
I wish you all the luck in the world for this personal journey you are now embarking on. Please feel free to drop me an email if you ever need to talk! I'm 4 :0)