Is this Virgo man scared or has he just made up his mind this quickly?
So I met this Virgo man - so typical, it's not even funny. My father is a Virgo, the last guy I was with was a Virgo, I have many Virgo friends - even had an extremely critical and OCD-ridden Virgo BOSS. Ouch! Anyways, I know how analytical, exacting and critical they can be. Everything has to be "logical". It used to really bother me, being that I'm a sensitive Aquarius that is very much at home in her element - zany and odd, at best. Very absent minded - I definitely appreciate and have a sort-of need for logic as well but I DO follow some odd patterns that can be frustrating to a Virgo whom is so "by-the-book", though I do have a method to my madness. Now, its more like an endearing factor when a Virgo goes off on his "rants" about how my decisions and actions aren't "logical". I tell them, look, Virgo - not everything in life is to be made sense of, that's just not the way life works.
So this last Virgo was just... awesome. I mean, we were obviously complete opposites, BUT - he had some odd qualities about himself that kinda matched me - like being weird and zany in a sense - he was forgetful as well. The night I met him we just clicked automatically. He begged me to come to his friend's house, I finally said yes and from there - we made out like newlyweds. Had sex with him the second night we hung out, which isn't like me but it just felt right. He took me out the next day and assured me that he didn't want me to think that's all he's after and that taking me to breakfast was his way of proving that. Ever since then, we've been 2 peas in a pod - so I thought. He invited me to Vegas with him, I accepted. We just got back this past weekend. We had a few tiffs during the trip, but nothing that I felt was enough to deter him from me. He did nitpick on me a lot, I just kind of brushed it off and told him to stop being such a Virgo (haha!). He got over the small things (so I thought) and we continued to enjoy ourselves. Overall, coming back from the trip - I had NO idea there was anything remotely wrong.
Last night he came to me to hang for a little while. I didn't sense anything wrong but after about an hour of talking he said "I need to talk to you". You know what THAT means.... :0(
He went on to say that I mentioned a few times something about a title during the trip. Which I did, only because he would joke with me about other women and I said "hey, we don't have a title so...." and he would agree. I was trying to be cool about it. I DID say that I wouldn't mind one (at one point), but also went on to say its not my decision to make and I'm fine otherwise. He also said that he didn't feel that he could be faithful in a relationship, that he's not ready to commit. On top of that though, he said that I did a few things that irritated him on the trip and he just felt that we should stop before things got too serious. I didn't flinch, took it in stride and told him I understood. I do, to a point. I just have a feeling that he's being overly critical of small things - it's been less than 2 months, are Virgos really that apt to making such hasty decisions based off of such trivial things? Other than the small things he sweated for a few minutes in classic Virgo "rant mode" fashion, we had a wonderful time! I fell head over heels for him that week... I'm baffled.
The thing that REALLY gets me though is - he was so incredibly shocked at how well I took it. He said to me, "Wow... you're really being mature about this", and kept apologizing. I kept saying it's ok, I don't understand fully, it was a surprise to me - and I wished he would tell me the things that bothered him in the instance that they could be small things I had the power to change - he told me I shouldn't have to. This is true, but I replied telling him that yes, there are things within my personality that I cannot help but there could be things I could adjust, do it differently, etc. He said he didn't want to get into details, I told him that in the same respect, I won't probe.
He seemed bothered by his decision though! He kept apologizing, thinking, recalling the steps he took to tell me out of respect, he even seemed teary-eyed - then he went on to discuss great times we had. It was just.... weird. I'm devastated, especially with all the things we shared - we were on a different level on this trip. We had talks about our intimacy - things we expect form relationships - our differences... it seemed like we were really making serious progress along the lines of understanding one another and growing as different people. I guess I was wrong.... but was I??
This is the question: Is it that this Virgo was being a super Virgo and is being WAY too overly critical of my little quirks... OR - is it that he found that things could really go so fast in progression, being that he actually COULD see us getting serious, and he got overwelmed and scared of commitment? I know that Virgos perform "tests" - this trip was a test. Did I not pass the "test" or DID I and he's looking for flaws just to give him leeway to run for the hills??! I'm SO confused! Please help - this Virgo is the best I've ever had.
P.S. My moon sign is in Cancer with a Scorpio Rising. He has Moon in Pisces with a Leo rising if that helps any of you astro-analyzers out there! Thanks!!!
He was being honest with you. He doesn't see a future and wants to end things before they get complicated. The reason he apologised was because he went against his better judgment and now he feels guilty that he ended up hurting you.
2 months is not enough to know if he was the best you ever had, You moved too quickly and this scared him. In turn he moved quickly with you because he is a man and men go with the flow specially if they are going to get some.. they stop thinking with their top head..they think of the consequences later as he is doing now.
Be thankful that he ended it the way he did and not disappeared on you or used Email or text.
I've read a few of your posts across the boards and was wondering if you would provide some insight for the following two individuals when you have a moment:
1st meeting October 2009
1st departure Feb/Mar 2010
2nd meeting September 2010 (we both had a dream about one another the same night and after much confusion - relocation, change of tel numbers still ended up connected in person.
2nd departure end of October 2010 - despite mutual expression of caring
The connection for both is overwhelming on many levels and past/current life situations are not helping the union to go smoothly.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
1A17, I am confused at what you need me do. Are you dating these men? Or are they ex's?
What kind of insight do you want?
One of the individuals is me and the other one is my partner/ex-partner. We are connected on all levels but there is an imbalance in the emotions. He has changed his mind several times regarding his feelings for me - going from love to caring to love to caring.
As a 'visionary' I tend to see the future about things/people but sometimes I have to rely on others because my own very strong emotions can cloud the issue.
Do you have any insight into a future for this relationship and is it possible for someone to deny their love because of trauma in a previous relationship? If the love will never be made known then the decision must be made to walk away for good.
Hello again .. you asked " is it possible for someone to deny their love because of trauma in a previous relationship?"
Hell yes! It's the main cause why so many have issues trusting and having a fulfilling relationship. Not just trauma on a past relationship but also trauma as a child.
Walk away is my guidance. There is nothing left here. There seems to be a power struggle withing your partner. Your partner needs to heal but this sickness is not something that can heal alone they need help from professionals. They feel very deeply because of their sickness in turn making it seen as they are truly connected to their loved one, but in reality it's all to do with their affliction.
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Thank you for your response; it is much appreciated.
Thanks Dangala and Mardepp - I appreciate the insight!
Dangala - I agree, he was being honest with me, we spoke about that in the process and I told him how much I appreciated that. I'm definitely very thankful, bc I've dealt with nothing BUT liars and cheats in the past that would string me along and never had respect for my feelings or the consequences. Hence the reason I stated that he was the best I ever had. Maybe I should have ended that with "so far". We did move VERY quickly, I do believe that he got scared, especially considering the serious conversations we had while we were away together. Please note though, WE moved too quickly. He was the one that started the quickness honestly! And, we didn't sleep with each other often. It was usually just hanging out and getting to know each other if and when we would see each other. At one point, I felt that he was more into me than he was with me. The tables turned somehow... I must have gotten too comfortable. I'm telling you, it just felt... right. :0/
And as for your response Mardepp - that's how I felt about the whole sleeping with him thing. I was afraid that he wouldn't take me seriously but like I said to Dangala, we weren't all about that and he had told me he didn't want me feeling as though it was right in the beginning. That made me feel much better about the situation and I really had a great time with him for the 2 months while it lasted.
This is the first time I've been able to handle something like this so well. Usually I would be freaking out and crying and bothering him - this time I'm just accepting it for what it is and it hasn't been at all difficult to get over it. Its kind of embarassing, but I tend to get obsessive and attached very quickly - this is not the case. I have very deep feelings for him and respect him for his honesty and I'm not at all angry with him, nor have I been fighting myself to call or text him. I feel that if it was meant to be, he'll come back and for some reason, though I'm not betting my bottom dollar on it - I feel as though he'll come back. That is, if he gains some more patience? I don't know, but I've never experienced such feelings before. This is all very new to me. Only time will tell!
I just don't believe that 2 months, let alone, 1 week to "test the waters" was enough time to really know how a person is. Maybe that's just me, everyone is different, but something doesn't seem right to me. I can't help that feeling. That's why I thought that it might be that he was overwhelmed and got scared, broke it off with me, then automatically questioned whether he was making the right decision. His demeanor kind of pointed towards that - he sat there on my porch in silence for 10 minutes with me after he broke it off and seemed to be thinking a lot. I just don't know.
Either way, for once in my life I've realized that I cannot change the situation and I'm letting go, which is something that's taken me nearly 27 years to be able to do with someone. I really liked this guy a lot, still do, and for once I truly just want him to be happy no wonder what he does. I usually get so jealous (scorpio rising!) and possessive but this one is different - I'd rather him figure things out then come see than be strung along. That is... IF he comes back. We'll see.
Hi JA13 – sorry for your situation, definitely an OUCH!!
I’m a cap with a virgo rising …
“I just don't believe that 2 months, let alone, 1 week to "test the waters" was enough time to really know how a person is.”
I know in my personal dating situations, 2 months is about how much time I need to figure out if someone is right for me. So much so, that my close friends joke about my 2-3 month “timeline.” Reason being, you don’t want to eliminate individuals at face value without giving them a chance, but it takes (usually) about 2-3 months for me to assess their long term potential. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with them, but rather I don’t think they are “the one.” My problem is, I’ll know at the 2 month mark but will drag it out to the 5-6 month mark before cutting all ties, out of guilt or the desire to not hurt the other person’s feelings.
I could be wrong but it seems like this guy was being honest with you, but feels guilty because 1) he doesn’t want to hurt you [and/or] 2) he doesn’t want you to view him as a prick. I actually respect the fact that he was upfront with you and didn’t leave you hanging with no explanation at all.
“though I'm not betting my bottom dollar on it - I feel as though he'll come back” I doubt it because I guarantee you he’s though this through in his head over and over before actually bringing it up. I think he will contact you again to check on you ect (remember the guilt and self doubt), but I don’t think it will be for romantic reasons.
Either way Good luck hun : ) you seem to have a good head on your shoulder and a great outlook on the situation.
Thanks, Snowball543. This is just so devastating to me, and you're right, he did say he didn;t want me to think he was a prick. This is really starting to hurt more and more. I really thought he was the one, and as usual, I'm left in the wrong and into someone that's not into me. I'm a loveable person, I guess I just don't understand why I keep having this problem SO much, I hardly date bc I just can't seem to attract the right person. He was so incredibly different than everyone else - I really really thought I had a shot here. And it was since 9/3 and we only saw each other maybe twice a weekend, then spent one week. Just thought that was too short to just put a stop on things the way he did but what do I know, you know? I'm still very much into him. Its been easy - but at the same time, very hard. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me, although I know better than to think that way. I'm just baffled overall.
Well, I thought that he had the potential to be "the one". It was a short period of time but it just felt so right, so different - everything about this experience was... different. Just so weird to me. All of this. I guess it's all part of life - things being meant to be.... even though it may not be meant to be a relationship, we met for a reason. Guess its yet another lesson.
Just so tired of lessons. How many more do I need? I think I've been punished enough!
Anyway, thanks again :0)
Hello JoyousAquarius, Moon in Cancer, Scorpio rising!
I am a Cancer, Moon in Cancer, with a Scorpio rising and I too am in love with a Virgo. It has not been easy and the outcome -still to be determined.- One of the toughest things I had to get use to with my Virgo was the 'come here's" and then the "go a ways" I would get so offended when he wouldn't return my calls, texts, sometimes the complete MIA. Finally it occurred to me that he does this every time our relationship gains any ground. 2 steps forward, 1 step back kinda thing. I've known a few Virgo's and it's been my finding that they like their space to mull things over, and well over and over. I've even called him a few times when not hearing from him for a few days and asked, "Are you done yet?" We laugh and everything is fine after. However, I do honor his need for that occasional breather. So this could be your Virgo reacting to your relationships growing pains and his need for some space to think. Virgo's seek certainty...and outside of thinking things through and through...their next choice is Time and more Time. Wish you the very best.
The "love of my life" was an aquarias, I adore people of your sign! Reading this thread has given me a lot of insight to a romantic relationship that I am moving on from. So, thank you. Our relationship was similar to what you've said about yours. Maybe you could give me some more insight as I haven't really had anyone to share this with.
I met this guy on match.com He "found me" as he put it. We certainly seemed to be a great match. We are both artists, work in the same industry, and have many, many things in common. I am a scorpio, pisces rising; he is a pisces, cancer rising. He was all about being in a long term, very committed relationship. He stressed how he was "no bullshit, for real, etc." He absolutely seemed like he could be "the one." He said he thought I was "the one" for him. He is 49, I'm 43, so the age/generation aspect was good too.
Long story short, he romances me big time. I made an attempt to slow things down a bit, but wound up going with it. He seemed so sure. And, like you, I thought and felt there was something very different, in the best sense, about him. This was a short period of time too, but I've found in the past that whether I seize the day or insist on waiting a long, long time .. well it seems to have no impact as to the outcome.
The night we became physically intimate was lovely. (sorry for the TMI) Just before I fell asleep he took my hands in his, looked deep into my eyes and said, "thank you for trusting me."
Then, the next day, he freaks out, major freak out - emotionally. He takes me out to lunch and tells me all sorts of private horrors including three women who had hurt him in the past. And long story short, tells me he thought he was ready for this, but he's not. He wants me to leave, which I do. It was so bizarre. Like two different people, really. Almost no contact afterward and I eventually became impatient and wrote him a letter. I couldn't see how he could have been honest and serious before and then basically the opposite. Which part is the real him?
After he receives the letter, which he deems inappropriate (and it wasn't I assure you, I was just telling him how I felt - and I used that word many times) we talk on the phone one last time and that's it. He doesn't want to ever see me, talk to me, etc. again. And it seems incredibly important to him that he isn't viewed as a prick. So, I'm moving on as I must. It has really shaken me up though.
Any speculation, words of wisdom, etc. would be much appreciated. Having some understanding of what happened would help me a great deal in this moving on process. I too, am tired of lessons!
Hats off to you for gaining a level of maturity that some people never get to!
Thanks and best wishes to you, S
Ugh! You're completely speaking my language! This is exactly what I think he's doing. He seems more scared than anything else. We had an awesome time together - we shared a LOT of heavy conversations. More than I expected. I mean, we talked about things most people don't talk about within 2 months. I did NOT see this coming at all. Even though we had few disagreements, they were quickly dropped and we continued to enjoy each others' company. I feel that, given the short amount of time we've spent together, we've moved a lil too quickly for his comfort. And its funny, because like I said in my post, I know that Virgos tend to do the whole 1 step forward 2 steps back thing. I joke with him about his extreme Virgo traits all the time. He's even said that it freaks him out (not in a bad way) how well I know how he is. In turn, I think that we got so close over the time we met each other that it literally has freaked him out and he's put the breaks on this to ponder some and ponder some more. He was doing that as he sat there next to me for the 10 awkward minutes of silence after he broke it off , too. I could tell that he was "silently freaking out" inside. I mean, he could very well not be into me as much as I thought he was, but if that's the case - I'm totally and completely shocked. He gave me so many cliche reasons for why he's ending it that it almost seemed fake. I'm known to see the best in everyone and I tend to pull the wool over my own eyes but this time, I really don't believe that I'm doing that. I truly have a greater feeling that he'll come back moreso than the belief that it's over.
I actually went to the bar that we both go to the next day. He KNOWS that I go there every tuesday. He usually goes to a different bar on tuesdays especially - and he was there. I didn't look his way ONCE. I sat there with my friends and had a wonderful time, smiling and talking with people that came over to see me and the entire time, my friend told me he kept staring over at me. He didn't once say a word, but he sat there looking sad and kept staring. I dunno. It's all just weird, I tell ya. I swear he's being a typical Virgo! And they HATE to be ignored! ;0)
My last response was to Vanillaskies. S, my heart is with you!!!! I was in a semi-similar situation before - it was worse than this because I didn't have as much closure then as I had with this recent guy.
I met this one guy on Facebook - actually, he found me. He would message me and try to talk to me all the time. He even invited me to the Phillies World Series games a few times when they won in '08 and I declined! I just wasn't into him like he was into me. Finally, one day I decided to meet with him. It was at the Phillies Parade - we hit it off immediately. I couldn't believe what a cool guy he was and I felt like an idot for passing him up so many times! We hung out a few times after that and I thought things were great. Never slept together, but other things. I told him I really liked him and didn't want "you-know-what" to ruin anything. He understood. He shared a lot of serious information about himself and his past with me, including the fact that his Dad had passed away in '06 and its been incredibly difficult for him to move on. After all of this, he slowly but surely started to taper off - he stopped answering my texts, calls... the whole 9. He then continued to come back to me and leave, come back and leave... we actually did sleep together after 8 months but again, he slowly disappeared.
Anyway, to make a long story short - after a year of him going back and forth, I finally gave up. 4 months went by before he randomly contacted me. He asked to meet with me and I agreed. When we met, he just poured his feelings out like a river. He apologized to me for his behavior, told me it wasn't me and that it was him. He also threw another twist out into the mix - part of the reason why he was MIA was because he was in and out of a mental hospital. He had been diagnosed with schizaphrenia affective disorder. It had become obvious that the fact that he lost his father REALLY affected him to an extreme.
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that this guy has a mental disorder. BUT - he could very well just be SO incredibly scarred by his last relationship that it is continuing to trickle down into any new relationship. I believe that this guy REALLY needs SERIOUS space. You seem like a wonderful woman with a lot to offer and I do most certainly hope you know this. I also hope that his actions aren't causing you to question your own self worth or creating any self-doubt. I have learned over my short years in relationships that men are VERY sensitive to committment - if they don't have all of their ducks in a row, they run for the hills at the sign of something real and substantial. And its funny, just when you think that he would be overjoyed to have a good woman that WON'T hurt him, he reacts as if you're the plague.
S, the best advice I can give to you is to not contact him and let him be. It is the HARDEST thing to do, ESPECIALLY when you really feel such a strong connection with someone, let alone all the romancing that was involved. But by allowing him as much space as you can, it will not only help you throughout the healing process, but it will also allow him the freedom that he needs to get through whats going on in his mind and heart.
The more space you allow for him to have in his mind, the more space you will allow him to clear in his heart.
Try to remember that and stick to that from here on. It's SO so important to the both of you.
Also, in the case that he doesn't come back around - just remember that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you've tripped again and have fallen back onto a lesson that you haven't quite learned yet. You sound SO much like me with the writing of the letter - I'm very emotional and get very attached very easily. I have done that SO many times in the past and I've learned that it can have the opposite affect, meaning it can push people away rather than bring them closer. I KNOW that you're hurting, I KNOW that you want him to understand how what he's doing is affecting you, but if he wants to know that or cares to, he would ask you or figure it out himself. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh! There are some men out there that would take the letter seriously and reply with a novel back (not saying that you wrote him a "novel" but I have in the past haha...). He doesn't strike me as that type of man. Maybe he is, but at this time it sounds like it had the opposite affect.
This brings me to another point - do you want a man that treats you this way? You seem as though you need a man that has more sensitivity when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe he is that guy, but not right now or not yet. The bottom line is, you should focus on you right now. I'm not saying give up on him all together, keep him in the back of your mind and at the bottom of your heart - but try your best to feel good for you. My heart is pretty broken right now but out of all the times I've shut myself in my room and cried over these guys, for once I've realized that I'm such a loveable person and I deserve better. For once I'm not beating myself up as much and I'm treating myself better. That's just so important!
I hope that this helps you. I truly can understand how you're feeling. One day you'll experience something in a relationship, whether it's with this guy or another lucky guy and you'll just know - you deserve NOTHING BUT the best!
Excellent JoyousAquarius! Very glad to hear you went out with friends, had a few drinks and no doubt some much needed laughs. And it's even better that "your" Virgo got to see you in this role of "I'm not home languishing away" A very good testimony of your own strength and character. And no matter what sign you are...these qualities look great on everyone and leave a great impression!
Thank you, Vanillaskies! It's such a relief. This is the first time in my life that I have successfully been able to look ahead rather than behind. And yes, I'm SO glad that he's seeing that it's not the end of the world for me. I've had enough of playing the vulnerable card, a card I know ALL too well. It's so true, no matter what sign you are, confidence goes a LONG way!! :0D
I still have my moments of mourning over the situations, but I refuse to let him see that side of me. Thanks for the support :0)