Something To Think About
The guy/girl you have been seeing/dating has left the building and is mucking you about coming in and out of your life. Giving you mental stress.
What are you willing to put up with? What are your limits? Do you have limits? If no, why not?
Is this person worth waiting for, if so.. Why?
Answer honestly to yourself.
People who are taken advantage easily by others in relationships usually were taught no limits as children either because their parents didn't put much effort in their up bringing or their parents had no sense of limit themselves. OR the child was spoilt rotten and again taught no limits.
This manifests in adult relationships later on, the child who was not guided by their parents doesn't know when to say STOP and the word NO and the spoilt child wants what he/she wants and nothing not even common sense or logic gets in the way.
Limits is very important to have in love relationships because it helps one decide when enough is enough. People with limits who have a strong sense of what they want usually don't put up with too much mental stress in relationships because they know when to pull the brakes.
dangala, i appreciate what you just wrote. in my experience with the man I love, he seemed to have brakes and I do not.
can you give me insight...
You need to develop some boundaries and limits girl. This relationship has had it's day and you need to let go and start to heal and do whatever helps you to move on. This man was the wrong choice for you. You need to ask yourself why you chose him and whether you knew deep down that this was not going to last, and be honest with yourself. Without self honesty one can't grow.
Once you place limits on what you will and will not put up with, relationships will become easier for you to handle.
It's all wise and true. We teach others how to treat us. We definitely have to own why we are accepting treatment that is stressing us out.
I've learned not to accept treatment that brings mental stress to my life; and create a boundary in the relationship. I haven't learned yet how to put a boundary on my heart. I think this is okay - in all honesty, all relationships are about give and take. Sometimes, it's best to step away, learn more about yourself, perhaps come back to it anew - perhaps you don't want it anymore. But regardless of whether we stay or go, the lessons come. We only grow wiser and stronger (hopefully, most of us). Love is my coursework of choice.
Wild Places (just dropping in)
dangala, I appreciate your advice, but it isnt so cut and dry, not so simple to move on. there are so many events that occur in a relationship that inside of it you can't always just break free.
wildplaces, Thank you fro your insight, I agree the boundaries need to be clearer, we need time apart to see our mistakes and the things we are doing to contribute to the problem. and to appreciate one another if that can be possible. I am learning my lessons. it is painful. I would liek to come back anew.
and no, I didn't expect this to go anywhere at first, but I felt a comfort and attraction with him from the moment I met him. I love him and I want another chance, and to work the boundaries and balance with him. and to learn more about him.
Dangala.....your thread was great.....you have been an inspiration to me on this forum...along with many others.....as you know I hung on to this Cancer Male for 9 months...the verbal abuse, mind games, manipulations, all his women.....he would pull his hoodini moves and be gone for 2 weeks or longer then come back to me.....as I found out he was with other women.....It took me 9 month to realize...I said to myself "are you stupid"???....I finally said to myself, I need to remove myself from this situation...and love myself...obviously to put up with what I did...I had no self esteem...and he made it worse...it has been 2 months now....I have good and bad days....because I think of the good times we had....but I finally realized enough is enough....as much as I want to hate him...I hope he finds happiness someday...
You should be proud of yourself, tattooogem.. do are doing well.
So true. If only I would have known this years ago. I guess I put the actual marriage commitment before the harsh realities of the relationship.