Problem with Marriage between Cancer and Gemini HELP!!

  • My husband is a cancer and I, a gemini. I had been feeling distant from my husband for quite some months and suggested that we have a divorce. I never really meant it (i guess i was trying to play games to see what his reaction is) but somehow said it. Now I really regret ever saying it coz the impact is huge. Our marriage wasn't exactly smooth from the beginning, with me always throwing tantrums and he always swallowing. At first, he told me he had been very depressed for quite some time but divorce has never crossed his mind and that he does not want to consider it. Then things start to get worse. A week later, he told me he has been seriously thinking about the marriage and all the bad things I have ever said and done to him. He told me the more he dug up the more depressed he felt. And it has gotten to a point that he is really now considering the divorce. Now there's no way to change his mind and all he can think of are negative thoughts and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. My question is is he seriously considering a divorce or he's just feeling depressed and went into his 'shell'? I think I might have pushed it too far and there's no turning back......It happened within a matter of few weeks. What am I to do?

    He's rising in Gemini, sun in cancer, moon in aquarius, mercury in cancer, venus in leo...anyone who can give any advice?

  • This is exactly what I have been mentioning...about playing games. If you did not want a divorce then you should not have said it! Say what you mean and mean what you say!! There is a way...come clean with this man, Tell him you want to go to marriage counseling. Whats been said and said and done. Now all you can do is really work ( if he is willing ) on the source of your problems. Tell him for the sake of the time you have spent as man and wife, if he would consider marriage counseling. If after a suffient amount of time he still feels he wants a divorce than you will give it to him, but to be sure , please consider counseling. In the mean time, don't say anymore things that you don't mean or want! Say only things that are on your heart. Hope this helps, if you have a seed of hope then there is a chance.

  • OMG.....I think you have to really realize the gravity of what you said to him. Think of the situation reversed...imagine if one day he sat down with you and was like "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be your husband." That's pretty much what you said to him. You basically told him "I give up, I want out." Forget the fact that he's a Cancer (which makes this worse...) it doesn't matter what star sign you are, that would tear ANYONE up.

    So, now that we know what a stellar, stellar mistake that was (although I'm sure you know) you really have to let him see that. I think, forever and ever, even if you dont divorce, he will always remember this moment. Cancer's remind me of soap know what I;m talking about? It looks like regular stone, tough and durable...but actually, its incredibly soft, and any mark you make on it makes a huge white scratch that stays there forever. Thats a Cancer...they act like they're impenetrable but they're huge softies and very sensitive. You left a huge scar on him that wont go away.

    Anyway, so, let this sink in, and then when it REALLY hits home, allow him to see how deeply, truly sorry you are. Tell him you don't want to leave him and you want to try to make it work (as light -en- dark suggested). However, I have to warn you he may be bitter and try and 'get you back' for the hurt you caused him. I dont know your man, and he may be different...but Cancers tend to do that. He may play the same game with you. He may not let you back in so easily, just on principle.

    So, unless you are extremely lucky and have married one of the rare Cancers who doesn't act like a huge Cancer, this is going to be quite an uphill battle....good luck.

  • thank you both. it's been 2 wks since i last mentioned the word divorce. since then I have tried very hard to make him believe that i didn't mean to say it and am truly sorry. he keeps telling me that nothing i say will change his mind and the more he thinks about the past the more depressed he gets and the more he wants to leave me. it looks like he's all set to call it quits. the only thing that he's concerned is our 9-month old boy whom he can't let go. he won't do counseling coz he doesn't want to work it out and thinks that it will never work out between us. I know i have left many scars on him and I am truly truly sorry. He tells me there's nothing I can do to change his mind. What can i do now?? So far it seems like he will NEVER let me back in at all....not even sure there will even be a battle!! I'd say he's a true cancer.....

  • Keep trying, and keep trying...if it is what you want! That is all you can do. He is hurt and vengefull right now. Just stay the course. It won't be easy and YOU will want to give up...but don't. It will take time.How long ??? I don't know. But you have a child together and that will act as an anchor. Be sincere when you talk to him. He will have to see consistantly that you are really wanting to stay married to him and that you truly love him. Whatever he dishes out ( short of physical abuse ) take it. Only if this is not his usual character, because you know that it is not him but the hurt from the years of him being on the receiving end. As soon as he comes around get to a marriage conselor.ASAP.

  • good luck

  • should i allow him to cool off or keep working and working on him? it seems that he's quite firm on his decision. don't know what more i can do at this moment. i can't exactly do anything coz i have already moved out of the house with our son a couple of wks ago. he's told me he has no feelings for me and he's depressed to a point he called himself a 'living dead'. he just wants to be with his little boy and that's about it. i am beginning to believe that perhaps this may well be the end.......

  • Make a lemon cake for him. While you make the cake pour all your energy into the cake, think of what you wish to happen while you are making it. Concentrate. Have some tea or coffee with him and serve him the cake. If possible go have the cake near a waterfall, make it a picnic,this will relax him and take him to better times. This is not black magic as such, just a little push because there is love between the both of you, it just needs to be ignited again and much communication needs to be done.

  • Second part -

    To get him back you need to make him see that you will try to be more grounded, more confident and more controlling of your emotions and no more playing games. He needs security from you. You were not feeling distant from him you were feeling distant from yourself.

  • what does it mean if he no longer wears his wedding ring?

  • Hmm...whats also possible, is that your husband has been unhappy in the marriage for a while, and like a typical cancer, couldn't say the words 'divorce' himself. However, now that you've done it for him, you've given him his 'big break' and now he's taking his opportunity to leave. If thats the case, then it's gonna be...kind of maybe impossible to get him back, because he does truly want to leave 😞 I don't know how to tell the difference, though.

  • what does it mean if he no longer wears his wedding ring?

    he took his wedding ring off? that is not a good sign. sorry sweetie, but it sounds like he is done with the marriage.

    I would not go blaming yourself, he sounds like a passive aggressive 3 year old. if he really wanted to stay with you, and work on it, he would not have let the word divorce stop him.

    he maybe sorry later, but for now it would be best to let this one go.

  • I see you as a compatible couple with problems that need to be worked out. A divorce would be a mistake for both of you.

  • there hasn't been any responses from him since few days ago.... so right now i am trying to ease off and take my mind off him and the situation. haven't been sleeping or eating and have to stop doing that coz i need to take good care of myself to take better care of my little boy....

    @ virgogirl - i'd love to work it out if he's willing to but right now it looks like he's putting it aside...i agree a divorce would be a mistake for both of us also for our little boy!! : (

  • @ virgogirl37 - can you please give me any kind of reading? do u see if there's a divorce? would really appreciate it.

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  • thanks mardepp for the reply....other than letting him know about our baby boy's progress i give him plenty of space and time. we have moved out couple of weeks ago and he's having lots of time and space to think and reconsider. i am ready to give it months-time....yes. writing letters sounds like a good past u think he'll come back?

  • He's very hurt that you mentioned the word divorce and feels that you no longer have feelings for him. It may have been better to have said that you care for him and miss the closeness that you once shared. For now, I would cut off communication with him until you can sort things out for yourself. When a cancer is hurt they often crawl into a shell until they feel its safe to come out. Sometimes the pain is so great that they can't for a long time. I have my moon sign in cancer so I understand to some degree. He is less prone to rationalism than you and at this point is unable to see what a disastrous mistake this would be. When the time comes for you to communicate, be sure that you let him know that you do care for him but realize that there are issues that need to be worked out. Throwing in the towel on this one is not the answer.

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  • Thanks Virgogirl & Mardepp....i'd feel much better to do my own reforming and let him be, if i know what's really on his he proceeding with the divorce? has he put it off for a while? is he willing to work it out? what's on his agenda? i try to do my own thing and not thinking too much of it but it's really driving me insane thinking what his next move will be.....

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