Father passed away Oct 24...need some assistance if possible

  • Hello all. My father passed away from lung cancer this weekend. I'm the next of kin and the one legally responsible to handle his affairs and such. Our relationship was very strained, on-and-off, and we had been out of contact for a couple of years until hearing of his diagnosis last month.

    Right now we are playing a big waiting game in regards to moving forward. This is largely due in part to his landlord being ill, and we have not been able to get into his apartment.

    1. On Monday, I had to make a stop at my school's student life office before heading home to handle everything. As I was on my way back, I felt my father approach me. I immediately p

  • (ugh, sorry, didn't mean to post!)


    "I immediately..." put the kibosh on it and just stood my ground and laid some boundaries. I was a bit harsh, but my intention was just to be left alone so I could handle his affairs appropriately, that and I am quite emotionally confused about the whole thing--we had a very complicated relationship. Since then I haven't felt him around me at all. I suppose I guess my concern is whether or not he's gone for "good"--I made it clear I simply meant "not now" but to put it nicely he's kind of an egotistical @$$hole and would likely disappear for good.

    1. Regarding his landlord...I'm an impatient person usually. When it comes to the next order of business, on day-to-day things, material things, etc., I am VERY impatient. Once I have decided a course of action, I'm ready for everything else to fall into place. My impatience and desire to move things forward with the care of my father's remains and his estate is heightened by the fact that we cannot move forward until we gather his belongings--anything of value, instructions, etc. My frustrating is reaching a point where I'm thinking the landlord is trying to rip us off--I don't know if they know but there are a few items of very high value in those possessions that are needed to possibly fund his funeral.

    Any insight at all? Am I just being paranoid or should I worry about this woman? I personally think she is giving us the runaround--just happened to fall ill with kidney stones after my father passed away. She called back Monday night to halfway berate my mother about her own gut feelings of the @$$hole-ness of my father (they divorced years ago)...that she knew he was predatory, etc. etc., and we were supposed to go to the apartment yesterday afternoon to get his things, but she "Wasn't feeling well." Told us to call in the morning. We have, and lo and behold, no one is answering the phone, or our voicemails.

    Fathers' DOB: Nov 7 1946

    My DOB: March 6 1987

  • Hi, sorry for your loss

    I think you should go with a lawyer and perhaps a police officer, you have the right to be in there regardless of how the landlord is feeling, didn't any other member of the family had keys to your father's place??

    You should ask a lawyer or police officer right now just in case...

    I'm not psychic or anything but there's no reason why the landlord shouldn't be accommodating to you or your family needs... shouldn't matter to her if you go there or not, she can just unlock and go lay down or something... my advice, don't wait

    and try and contact your dad spirit, I dont think he is egotistical a s s hole anymore as he is in spirit... and sorry to say obviously I dont know what happened between you too for you to refer to him like that, but he was your Dad and you should forgive him, perhaps that's all he wants from you at this point...

  • Hi tooralooryeaye!

    Your not being paranoid about this person; she's not quite right in the head and not a nice person.

    Please follow HappyDoc's advice. I would go to the local station and explan the situation to an officer and have them escort you to the premises. Let them know you've made every attempt to gain access and have been denied, bring along the neccessary paperwork, ie., death certificate or temporary one and legal document stating your right as next of kin. She will immediately fold!

    Secondly, yes, your father was a difficult man but he didn't have the best upbringing/childhood. Anger and blame were what he knew. That said, I want you to make contact When You are ready, not on his terms. Its not over between you too and I don't want you to go through llife with any leftover baggage that is unneccessary to carry. So, he is not gone for good, do work through it.

    I'm sorry for the life he chose to lead and that he didn't work through what he needed to work through. Just know, you can and will do better than he so make your peace with him and his life.

    Best of luck and warmest wishes,


    PS. Ask your Mom questions ....she remembers his smile and charm. Might add a little happiness for you.

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