Cancer man has disappeared.. will he come back?

  • I have been dating this cancer man for about three months. We started off as close friends, and then (surprisingly) he asked me out. From there our relationship grew fairly quickly. We suffered through our families not approving of the relationship, not getting to see each other often (but using other means of communication for many hours a day), and just some unfortunate luck. There were times when it seemed like no one wanted our relationship to happen - but our close bond made it through all of that. He told me I was beautiful, he was so happy to have met me, that meeting me was in God's plan for him, all this extremely romantic stuff. I fell really hard for this guy.

    Well last Thursday I found out he has been flirting with another woman. Maybe more than one woman. I got extremely upset (I am a Leo btw) and confronted him head on. My fire was hot and he actually told me I scared him I was so angry. He dodged the issue completely. The next day on Friday I confronted him again - he seemed more exhausted this time around. I know all about cancers not wanting to be confronted but I was still very upset. I had to discuss the issue or I seriously couldn't do anything else. School and work seemed impossible I was so upset. Anyway, he told me he was tired and to go get some rest - that we would talk the next day.

    Saturday we did not talk. At all. We attend the same church. Saturday night he did not show up. Sunday morning he came to Sunday School. He gave me a little wave across the room and all I could return was an obviously fake smile. Sunday night he did not show up. Monday and Tuesday passed without any contact. By that time my anger had vanished and I was just extremely sad. I tried contacting him Wednesday and Thursday in lengthy messages (which may have been a mistake) but nothing. Friday passed, nothing. Saturday and Sunday passed - no contact and he wasn't at church or Sunday School.

    I am absolutely devastated. I don't know what to do. If I could go back in time and handle myself differently I would.. but obviously, I cannot. I just don't want to lose him. I feel like he'll never contact me again. I've heard of a three day rule for cancer men, but we've far passed three days. I know he can't miss church for the rest of his life (his mother goes there and he wouldn't dare stop attending, lol) .. I just want to know what's going on. I am blatantly being ignored and it's driving my ego and heart crazy. I can't handle it!

    What can I do?? Advice, please! Was everything he told me a lie? Will he come back?

  • Wow these Cancer men are really something i guess they all dissapear ! OMG! Anyway i dont have many good things to say so i will let someone who does answer your question well maybe i will say he probably will come back hopefully but will he probably do it again ?Oh yes! You can count on it!

  • Thanks, hotvirgorising. This is the first vanishing act I've experienced, but then again, this is also our first "fight" as well. I am not handling it very well! I think as long as I know he's coming back I can deal with it better.. but I don't know that right now. 😞

  • I apologize in advance if I sound harsh. I understand you are hurt but for future reference, its best not to try an discuss highly emotional issues until you are more in control of yourself. For him to say “you actually scared him,” means he saw a side of you he probably didn’t anticipate or like. I’m not sure what you mean by “flirting” with another woman, but does flirting warrant the reaction you gave him? Especially after only 3 months?

    Sweety, I don’t think this is a cancer thing, no one (especially men) wants to be around someone who wants to go on and on about the same topic, especially when they are in a highly emotional state. Additionally, your prior attempts at communication may make you appear needy and emotional.

    No one can say if or when he’ll come back, but please do not initiate any more contact with him. It will only drive him further away and solidify his belief that you are too emotional. If he wants to, he knows how to reach you and if he doesn’t just take it as a lesson learned for future relationships (soooo much easier said than done, trust me I know, but not impossible). Stay busy to keep your mind occupied on other things and look happy when he is around you even if you're not.


  • By flirting, he had written her a long message detailing how she deserved to be worshipped and was extremely sexy and beautiful. He has this thing with openly admiring other women's beauty that has always irritated me a bit. But that message went a step further.

    We communicated via Skype (not on video cam, just IMing) and I think he said he was scared to get out of the conversation. I was upset but I was not mean to him. I just would not drop the issue.

    I appreciate the advice. I know it's only been three months but we got extremely close during that time - of course, it could have been one sided. 😞

  • Get rid of these cancer men... seriously. They are bad news. First hand experience with 2 of them, not worth your time. If they are not pursuing then they are not interested

  • Hey, cancercutie. The thing is, he was pursuing me at the beginning. Which is very un cancerlike I've heard. And he did seem to have a genuine love and respect for me.. I guess that doesn't mean he actually did. But I would like to think it was real.

  • After 1+ weeks he is finally on Skype. That's a start, even though online communication isn't what I want. But I will take whatever I can get.

    He is finally online but he's not talking to me. Does that mean I'm supposed to make the first move? I don't really want to (may be my Leo pride kicking in) because I always make the first move. I honestly think after ignoring me for this long he should be the one to speak up first.

  • He will come around when and if HE wants to. If you seek him out right now it will only further his feeling "scared" of you (read snowball's advice again), and he will make you into a stalker so as feel justified in his own head. Leave him be, and you will prove otherwise.

  • Hello...I'm new to this forum, but read some interesting stuff and thought I would chime in... I am a Virgo woman and I am amazed about what's being written about Cancer men here. Now, mind you, my sign is not a compatible sign with Cancer and I can't say that I remember, ever, dating a Cancer guy; however, it seems to me, that MEN in general, are the way that this Cancer man has been behaving and I don't think it has anything to do with the sign. My guy is a Taurus, very earthy type of guy, right? Well, he has many of the traits that you've all discussed here for the Cancer guy and he too has been MIA all day long. I don't have a clue where he is, haven't heard from him. I agree, with whomever said, up above, that he will come back when he wants to and when he's ready. Let's give 'em some rope, leave the cage of their door open, and they will come back. They always do. And, you guy will too. I truly don't believe he's more insecure, puts up walls and all that stuff that all of the other guys. I could tell you a lot of interesting stuff about muy bull, but won't., but perfect he ain't.

  • Thanks for the advice guys. I hate feeling like the bad guy in this scenario.

  • Nevermind, he found someone else while he was gone. I can't blame him I guess. Men tend to fall out of love with me easily. Hopefully I'll find one who doesn't one day

  • Cancer men only really care about how you make them feel when you hurt them thats a no no no but when they hurt you its no big deal because they probably think you deserved it i cant stand cancer men i will never date one again the person who said if they aree not pursuing you they are not interested is so right mines obviously found someone new who cares .......well maybe i do a little but the fact of the matter is he is not thinking of me too wrapped up in another woman so oh well thats life ........hmm too make you feel a little better my cancer man got over me and under another woman the first time i so called hurt him these guys move on very quickly unless they are in really deep and its hard to get them to that point anyhoo join the club men fall out of love with me quickly too but i know when i find the right one he wont be easily swayed and you should feel that way too! BEST WISHES:)

  • "Men tend to fall out of love with me easily. "

    Stop believing they do/will and they wont. 😉

  • I agree with cancer tossed me last week...I got the leave me alone, go away....and yes I very much believe he has a little toy that has taken my place....It took 9 months to realize I meant nothing to him but a piece of *** hurts because I cared about him...I knew my cancer's cycle and have been told this before "go away"....then he pops back up and the whole cycle begins again...this time I have had it...I blocked his number so I don't have to repeat this cycle....I believe if a Cancer Male is into you....he would stick guy didnt...and it sounds like yours is the same...I too would never date a Cancer Male ever again...also I recently found on myspace all these women from a different state that he frequently visited...makes me even more grossed out....I dont care anymore if mine ever pops back up again...I want nothing to do with him after he told me he was with 5 women....

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