Taurus/pisces can this work?
I need some guidance as to how to proceed in this relationship:
I’m a Taurean woman involved with a Piscean man and he has had two previous serious relationships that have ended in disaster. The second one was fairly recent and he is still an emotional wreck over it. I didn’t know about his past relationships before we started dating. During the course of our relationship, he’s broken up with me once but I was a bit persistant and we’re back together now. I know without a doubt that I want to be with this man but he keeps saying things like, “I don’t know what I woud do if something ever happened to you” or “I’m broken, why would you want me?” Each time, I’m very firm and reassuring, I tell him why I want to be with him and that he’s not going to change my mind.
When we first began dating, he was very, VERY vague about a lot of details regarding his life, it irked me but I never pressed him for details (except once). Since we got back together however he’s almost completely open with me. He’s always telling me how he feels, what he’s been doing, what’s bothering him, etc. And through it all, I’m always upbeat, positive and reassuring. Ironically enough, now the issue is that I’m not communicating enough.
I understand that with a Pisces there’s a part of him I’ll probably never reach and I accept that. He does have a tendency to dull the pain with drugs and alcohol but that’s lessened considerably as of late. He’s a muscian and he hasn’t been wanting to play at all, which worries me. He’s also been unable to meditate, which worries me even more.
Last night, I finally (very gently) suggested it might be time to let go of the past and he replied that “He feels so empty.” I didn’t know how to respond to that and so I just kissed him. Do I just continue to do what I’ve been doing and eventually he’ll drop out of the funk or is he trying to tell me that he doesn’t want to do this at all but doesn’t want to come right out and say it?
I need some guidance as to how to proceed. Any advice?
Energies here will focus on who will be the star. No matter what the outcome, however, you are a charismatic couple and are likely to cut a swathe in any society - you should be aware that attention will follow you two wherever you go. You must take care then as to what you let others see. Open conflict is not unlikely here and must kept in check. In some ways you two can even bring out the worst in each other, since any natural empathy or sympathy you have for others tends to fall by the wayside in your frolics together. Your friend is definitely drawn to the spotlight, and you will not tolerate being shoved out of it for long yourself. As a result, this relationship is apt to create a kind of unattractive competitiveness between you, which can lead to all sorts of conflicts if it gets out of control. Perhaps the key here is that you two need to appreciate each other's talents, regularly supplying the kudos necessary to support each other's egos. Considering the feelings of other people should also be a priority. Another possible solution appears when the relationship itself attracts attention and is admired as an entity in itself, thus satisfying both your senses of pride.
Marriage and love will demand that you both take an equal interest in each other: perhaps your friend will admire your practical abilities and you can appreciate his imagination, for example. Being ignored or neglected is the worst punishment that can be inflicted here, and unfortunately you two often use neglect as a weapon in your struggles with one another. Should the necessary attention be paid however, nothing short of outright rejection or infidelity is likely to be powerful enough to split up your relationship. So form your mutual admiration society by all means, and kill off the competitiveness. But don't let the self-satisfaction you may get from this attention stop you both from pursuing your own self-development, or see you turn your back on colleagues and friends. Being admired isn't always productive and eliminating ego needs can leave you freer.
As an individual, your sensitive and truly gifted friend is a very slippery customer indeed. His heart is in the right place though, just in too many places, at least in his younger years when he was full of such seductive allure. He may have entered into codependent or even abusive relationships as a means to avoid having to make his own way in life. When he's left too much on his own, half the time he's a lost little lamb, madly searching for himself and seeking meaning and purpose; the other half of the time, not caring a fig about anything. He can go from super-exotic glamour to the homeless look in a matter of hours. Or minutes. Half the time he sees with blistering clarity and the other half he can drift into a blithering haze of confusion that he has to be snapped out of.
He can be both self-absorbed and selfless at the same time, and even the people who think he is a total nut, must also concede that he is attractive, interesting, and even irresistible (like the way a 'Danger' sign attracts kids onto thin ice.) If he is one of the really self-indulgent self-destructive types, he'll wear out his body and look a total wreck before he begins to clean himself up around the age of thirty. If he is the messianic 'I-must-save-this-rotten-world' type, nothing will stop or impede his missionary zeal for long. One thing is certain - he cannot focus on himself, depressed or otherwise, in self-pity or disillusion without swirling away into nothingness.
Connecting with people, making contact, is both his early damnation and his future salvation, sweeping him out of his morass of cosmic misery. Relationships will be his curse in early life but can also be his redemption, once he knows how to handle his own attractiveness and impractibility. He needs someone to bring him back down to earth from the lala land he normally lives in. Someone who can hose him down and remind him of the practicalities of the boring daily grind we all have to deal with down here. As much as he wants to serve mankind, it's a strain to relate to people much of the time - their needs and demands are so banal to him. Yet the petty annoying details are what he needs to bring his blurry image into focus. He has to lose his obsession with being the sad, mysterious victim, because it causes him to get really self-destructive and to lose all his credibility. It's really just a fear of losing his edge and being controlled by another person, anyway. He must learn to ground both his emotions and his ambitions in the real world, and drop any superior, pious, or snobbish attitudes he may have towards others or his problems. Life will then become so much more rewarding and finding solutions so much easier.
Thank you so much for your insight. This is my first posting here and your words were spot on about our relationship and I know what I need to do try to help him.
Good luck to you!
Hello Captain, My husband is seeing a Virgo (9/19) Woman....do these relationships work well, or crumble? Thanks
I wanted to offer an update as well as add to the searchable canon of information at this site, if someone else in the future finds any of this helpful, it's all good.
I've still been very patient and loving with my fish, I really try not to have any mood swings or bring any negative energy with me when I'm together with him, of course he always picks up on my moods anyway and if in the event that happens I'll talk to him about it. It seems like the best thing I can do for him is to continue living my life without stressing too much about his (as odd as that sounds). He seems to respond best to me being very firm with him regarding decisions he needs to make or decisions that I've made which he tries to dissuade me from as well as by example. But throughout it all, I always make sure he knows that I care and love him.
As a result, he's stopped taking drugs and the drinking has been kept to a minimum and he seems to have found some focus and purpose to his schoolwork. He's still not out of the woods yet, his music playing is sporadic and he doesn't enjoy it and still no meditating but we're taking baby steps. For my part, I'm really making an effort to talk and open up to him more especially since he's been wonderful about telling me everything that's on his mind but you know, it's a little difficult for some of us stoic Taureans. I also don't hide anything from him, ever. (He knows when I am anyway.)
I hope this of help to someone!
Donnamae92, please start your own thread by clicking on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this page and I will answer you there.