Hello DecemberGirl!

  • Not sure if you'd see this in the thread you created for me awhile back so I decided to make one for you! πŸ™‚

    I hope all is well with you and the tree colors are still there. Ours are much better than I anticipated with the dry summer. I've been hiking and taking pix as much as I can lately - almost every day - it is so beautiful out there! I have found some really stunning old buildings that I never knew were there, it's been such a great experience. πŸ™‚

    I saw your most recent post - so glad things are moving along for you!

    Wishing you all the best...... <hugs>YD</hugs>

  • Dear YellowDayLily,

    This is the first time anyone has made a thread for me! Thank YOU! I am smiling as I write this πŸ™‚

    I think Autumn is the most beautiful time of year and especially beautiful in the midwest, where we truly get to experience all four seasons.

    I have learned to take things one day at a time. It's been a long year without him, but it also gave me time to learn to be by myself and truly think about my life. It's been vey difficult, but thanks to some VERY kind people here- Shuabby, WaterGirl 18, Twinsoul, MedicMom and Kushikamikiba, I was able to look forward with hope in my heart.

    Not sure what will happen next, but I certainly am looking forward to finding out, especially if what Shuabby and Watergirl say is true.....

    What is happening in your life?

    Hugs πŸ™‚

  • So glad I brought a smile to your day, as you did to mine when you made my thread. πŸ™‚

    We get all four seasons here too and they are very distinct. I love spring as it is a time of rebirth, but autumn with the brilliant colors, deep blue sky and crisp mornings (that are still turning warm LOL) is special as well. I wish I could show you some of my adventures in the last few weeks!

    I took a nap and had a dream about you! We had met and were talking about our situations. I wish I had written it down before dozing off again, as now I don't remember the details. But it was very nice to "meet" you in that way, it seemed we had a lot in common. πŸ™‚

    I am closing on 7 months now, 10 if I count the 3 months he was "here" but not attached to my hip daily. It has been very hard but I also know it's been good for me and what I needed to heal in my own life journey. I just wish he had had the strength to have given me this willingly and rationally in early 2009, but I am guessing there is a life journey lesson for that as well. I do hope he is growing during this time too!

    We had been progressing nicely but oh so slowly up until about 3 weeks ago when he once again got quiet. He will often respond to an email of mine but has not sent me one on his own for over a week. I know this is not a long time but very odd when recently he was emailing me for hours each night. He stopped by to see me at work just before he got quiet (2 weeks ago). I at first thought it was a coincidence that we "ran into" each other, until I realized he could have easily skirted my work area and I would never have known he was there (it was a huge event). So that was intentional.

    So I took the time to step back and get out there and live life once work slowed down. And that has been so wonderful for me! I have stepped back from him as well, he knows how to reach me and it's not healthy for me to be the one reaching out all the time. I did it for a few days and it didn't kickstart him so he must be dealing with something he doesn't want to share with me at the moment.

    I too appreciate the words of many that you listed and am also looking forward with hope in my heart, while never forgetting that I can make myself happy and live a full life. πŸ™‚

    My only "sad" thing is the realization that I may need to get a PT job this winter. (all my jobs are PT but this one may be something I really don't like). 3 weeks ago one of my jobs ceased to work out. I had planned on quitting but not till March or so. Finances are tight and if I could eliminate my credit card balance and get a little buffer going it would help me quite a bit. Plus some money to do some painting in the house - wheeeee! That will make next spring and summer feel so good!

    Hope you've had a great day - hugs right back!

    YD πŸ™‚

  • Dear YD,

    Often times when I am reading your posts, I feel as if I am reading my own writing.....I especially loved your description of the seasons "crisp mornings that are still turning warm" that is exactly how the days start here and I could not have said it better myself!

    I felt your pain when you wrote it has been 7 months for you and also felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck when you wrote about the additional 3 months because that is how long it has been for me. Last year was great for us and then in January He was "here" but not really...

    At first it did not register (Jan) then I tried to "reel him back in" (Feb) and the harder I tried, the more elusive he became. March was particularly empty and painful. Finally, he came over on his birthday (4/16) we had an amazing evening and then 3 weeks later (May 7) we were done (again)....and then nothing... June, July, August, September....(well a letter and email here and there) October has shed some light in those dark corners of my heart.

    Now as I write this, I realize that a whole year has almost passed. Although I understand that we cannot live our lives waiting or hoping for that "someone" who will come into our lives and make our lives "complete" I also know that not having that "someone" to share our lives with makes the life we live Incomplete. Hope is now a part of my life again and it is with that hope that I look foward to whatever is next and pray that it is something good for me and for you!

    There are many people on this sight who give advice to all of us love-lorn mortals, and that advice is always "work on yourself, learn to love your self, focus on your inner self," etc. While all that may be good advice, I personally find no comfort in those words and very hard to do when the man I love is not a part of my life and my heart is broken into a million pieces.

    I guess we all come to this forum for different reasons. Most to seek, some to comfort and others that I just don't understand....but regardless, the majority of the posts here are a cry for help. I never cease to be amazed by the kindness of those who respond, especially when they do it in a way that comforts instead of cuts or leaves me confused and with more questions than I had in the first place!!!

    On a lighter note...Did you know that through this forum I was able to find my passport that had been missing for a few years??? That was AMAZING!

    So we met in a dream! I hope it was a good one where there was laughter and good feelings!

    Dear YD, if the only "sad" thing in your life is finding a pt job, than I would say you are a good place in your life right now πŸ™‚

    I am lounging right now but have to get up and start my day...unfortunately, I have had some kind of flu for the past few weeks and now am coughing to the point where my chest hurts. I do not like to take medications, so am going to buy some "homemade" chicken soup LOL.

    I was going to go to the gym this morning (did not happen) and have plans to watch the Badger game this afternoon with friends at a bar that has amazing chicken wings (may or may not happen) but I suppose I should at least take a shower (will happen in a few minutes!!!)

    I hope that whatever it is you are doing today, that it is something you enjoy and something that will make you smile πŸ™‚

    Much LOVE to YOU!

  • Hi there! I just got back from an almost 3 hour hike. Not quite the stunning views I had been finding in the last two weeks but a good workout! πŸ™‚

    Yes, I too read your posts and have to look and see if I wrote it! LOL

    OK, I'll be brutally honest, I do have sad moments where I miss him like hell. Days like today especially. We used to do so much together that anything I do is a painful memory of US no matter how hard I try. And before someone says "try something new", there's not much left to try as I've done a lot of dabbling in my life, and if he was still around he'd be trying it with me - so that's a memory too.

    Our story is that in early Jan he kind of set me up for a little test and I failed gloriously. It was a stupid thing and not that big a deal as he contacted me 3 times the next morning by 10am. So we spent a few weeks talking and emailing, he'd stop by now and then. We started to workout again, make plans for the summer etc. The ONLY thing that didn't bring us back to "normal" was we didn't have any overnights - various reasons on both of us. This lasted through Feb and then in March he started to get a little funky on me. He was telling stories of "dates", always out late, too busy to do things with me, but we still talked every day and at times he'd come over and sometimes end up in bed. Now I didn't take this seriously, I was kind of casual about it as he had done that to me once before when he thought I wasn't caring about him enough. I thought he was just playing games with me, despite his tears and saying how much he loved and missed me. And of course I loved and missed him and told him that. By mid March I was getting a funny feeling and tried to question him a couple of times which got me nowhere. Another time or two he really hurt me and got me all riled up and then said I needed to talk and I was too mad to.Early April I stopped by his place before work, he was still in bed, but he would not kiss me on the lips. In his words "sex was too confusing". All I can think is that he thought at some point we became "just friends". And silly me, I thought we were a couple which is how I was acting. But neither of us sleeps around so I can see where that confused him, if he thought I was just sleeping with "a friend". I did try to explain to no avail, at that point he had shut me out completely. I got word through one of his family members was that I "hurt him a lot" but no one would say what I did. In June he told me any r/s discussions annoyed him so I stopped trying to get answers from him then. But he has continued to keep in touch with me, has asked me to help him with things and I keep saying there must be a reason why. He would say to them he couldn't stand me and then he'd stop by and offer to help me with something, or email for 5 hrs at a clip - you don't do that with someone you can't stand.

    When he contacts me regularly, even if it's only email, I feel strong and confident that things are moving well. But when he goes NC like he is right now, my insecurities kick in and I have a hard time believing in the universe. This is why I keep going out to do things I love - I know it's good for me, I know I need to and I know I will regret it otherwise. The fall has been SO beautiful this year that I HAD to see it. It still hurts..... but these days I can usually do it without a tear which is so much better than 6 months ago! I am dreading winter though, I have hermit tendencies as it is so that is another reason I am thinking of a PT job - it will keep me from moping!

    He is heavily influenced by his family and I know that doesn't help the situation. I am at a loss to explain why we "talked" every day in August and most in September (even did a couple of things together and he stopped over quite a bit) and then the end of Sept he backed away again. Watergirl last told me he was gathering the courage to end a situation so I'm hoping that is what he is working on. (this was at the same time too!)

    I have learned a couple of important life lessons in this so all is not lost.

    I know I can live a full life alone. I am strong (physically and emotionally) and independent and not afraid to go out and do things in strange places. But having someone - and yep, I do hope it's him - to share that with would make my life so much sweeter.

    All that said, I am still suffering from heartbreak. Good days, bad days - got them all and everything in between. NO man has ever affected me in this way which is why I felt I was destined to be alone. I'd suffer a breakup for a couple of weeks, maybe a month at the most. I'm closing on 7 months when I knew something was horribly wrong and I am still in a lot of pain. How do you process someone who told you for 3+ years that you were the one for them, they would always be there for you, we were meant to be etc and then they suddenly and quietly backed away? But yet they didn't, they are still there, just in the background. (when he ends relationships - they are over - but not this one?). But I've had other men in my life that just weren't interested or the r/s didn't go anywhere or even a couple that were huge cheaters - and every single time I'd pick myself up, brush myself off and start over alone. This time - ouch - not so easy. There has to be a reason. I am not afraid of being alone. I guess I am afraid of being without the one I love - and boy do I love him!

    So a guy asked me out the other night. A friend gave him my number thinking he had work for me. Ooops. I had such a bad vibe from it I said I was working (and I kind of was). Just got the feeling he wanted more than someone to use his spare ticket to a show and the thought of going out with him and possibly having to resist his advances really creeped me out.

    The dream was good - very happy! I hope to "meet" you again soon. πŸ™‚

    Anyway, I hope that clarifies my state of mind LOL. I am not yet in that "move on" place. I do find some of the advice very very hard to take also. When I wrote the last post, I was having a great day...... right now I really missed him on the hike. I am trying to heed Watergirls advice of inner peace and harmony and releasing things to the universe. Last time she did a reading for me she told me to stop pouting so I have LOL The best way I know to do this is to be happy and to continue to live my life and to believe what everyone has said - that he DOES love me, he DOES think about me, and he WILL be back.

    Besides, it’s working for you! πŸ™‚

    I hope you are feeling better and that you enjoyed your soup! That sounds great. I am off to a hot shower as I am chilled now that I've sat for so long. Now I am craving soup LOL. Hope you feel well enough to go out and enjoy yourself!

    Hugs and love right back to you!


  • Dear YD,

    I just wrote you a lovely, looong response and it is gone!!! I do not have time to rewrite nor do I think I can!

    I will write again later today...

    I am so Sorry...what I had written was really good (even if Idid write it!) LOL

  • Ack! You must have something better in you then. πŸ™‚ I usually write in my word processor just in case, that's happened to me so many times.

    Creepy guy called again this morning to see if I wanted to ride.

    I am going to walk down the street to check out an old cemetery. Hope your day is going well!

  • AN old cemetery...I'm intrigued! Are you going to take pictures?

    Ps. What creepy guy? Not your love interest???

  • Yes, I took pix! πŸ™‚ It's really tiny but has gravestones from the 1770's to 2001. Some may be older but are so worn I can't read them (library probably has the info though). I can walk to it, it's tucked behind houses down the street.

    Oh creepy guy! I thought I mentioned him before. Not my "main man" as Watergirl18 calls him. My old boss called last week say this guy was looking to get in touch with me and assumed he had work for me. I was going to stop by his shop on the way back from an appointment last week. Well he again contacted my old boss and got my phone number. He called Wed to ask me to a comedy show the next night. Had it been local i would have been inclined to meet him there but it was about 30 miles away and I just got a really bad vibe from it. I begged off and thought that was that.

    Yesterday morning he called (from his house and I didn't know what town he lived in so I never thought twice about picking it up) to see if I wanted to ride. I did have a million things to do (never got out yesterday at all). I don't know what I'm going to do if he keeps this up - I have ZERO interest in him and get the feeling if I do something even as innocent as ride he will take it the wrong way. And it really stinks as he rides with guys I am friendly with and feel very safe with and they ask me to join them at times too.

    So I don't know how he got it in his head I was single unless someone let something slip or my exh (now remarried) stopped by his shop and said something. What a mess. I have no interest in dating to begin with but like I said, ZERO interest in him whatsoever. And I know he's thinking something, he never used to ask me to ride when I worked at the other shop so.......

    I talked to my old boss this morning and he was on his way to a painful meeting so I didn't bring it up, but I do have to let him know that giving my # out for those reason is NOT OK. I think if this guy had said he was "interested" in me, my friend would not have done so (he thinks he's weird too). But if he DID realize the guy was going to ask me out - NOT ACCEPTABLE.

    Now my love interest guy - he's resurfaced via FB. Posted a couple of pix yesterday morning and commented on mine. Which is what we were doing in May. I feel we are doing a "dueling pix" thing. He posts what he's doing, then I post what I'm doing and vice versa. But when we emailed more July-Sept, neither of us used FB much. Weird stuff but I'm going with the flow.

    How's your day going? I got a few more foliage pix this morning! Not much left though, maybe a week or two.

  • Dear YD,

    "Creepy guy" calling you does not sound good!!! I agree that you should talk to your boss immediately and tell him that giving yur phone number is NOT ACCEPTABLE. He might have had a painful meeting to go to, but how "painful" was it for you to have to deal with this guy?

    Especially when you did not see it coming???

    As for FB... I have mixed feelings...it can be a great way to keep in touch, but I think it is also a way for people who we are not interested in or are not part of our lives to "get all up in our business"... I go in there once in a while, but prefer to stay away.

    I cannot tell you how many people I know have found out things they really did not want to know, things that were really hurtful. on FB. But on the other hand, WHY would anyone post everything about themselves on the internet???

    I am an extremely private person, but I must admit that there are times that I want to tell someone what is going on in my life, want an other opinion but not necessarily from someone I know. I want an unbiased opinion from someone who does not "know" me, thus, my posts on this site. I never ceased to be amazed at how many people (mostly women) are hurting because some man has broken their heart. I thought I was alone in my agnst...not so! LOTS of heartbreak to go around, all ages, all races, all sexual orientations, all circumstances....

    BUT the great thing about this site is that we can sometimes get the strength we need to go on just one more minute, just one more hour, just one more day. I feel awful sometimes when some one asks for a reading and has their worst fears "confirmed" Of course, what the seeker must understand is that their answer may or may not be true, but it hurts anyways. "Yes" the one you love has cheated, Yes, it's time to get a divorce, NO he/she is not coming back, Yes you will find love but it's X years away...etc. However, every now and then, there is good news, Yes, your love is coming back, No your love is not cheating, Yes, your true love is near you, that is the reason we come here and regardess of what the answer may be, that is where we find the strength to go on.

    I must admit that I have met a very good friend through this site. We got to a point where we exchanged personal emails and phone numbers. We have such a great connection and she is now my very dear friend. We were there for each other over some very difficult times this summer. She was been an angel in my life. Although we have not met in person yet, we are planning to do so soon and I cannot wait.

    So dear YD, I guess social networks do serve a purpose! Ok, so as I am writing about her, she is calling me! Weird!

    Hope you had a GREAT day! Would love to see some of your pictures!

  • I HATE facebook. I only have an account because after doing computer support for so long, people asked me for help and I can't troubleshoot without seeing it. I helped HIM set up his account too but then didn't use mine for months. Even though I use it more now (which is still rare compared to others), I don't do the "I'm going to bed" "I just got up" "I'm going to work" that I see so many do. Even on my internet lists I am really cautious. I don't talk about a trip until I've come back. Too easy to find ones information out there. Oh and one night while we were having a great email session, my man changed his status to single. I felt it was really a slap in the face as neither of us had r/s status set to begin with. Someone else said - maybe he's trying to let you know he's available?

    I called my old boss yesterday and haven't heard back from him. I really have to let him know what happened with creepy guy. I remember telling him once last year that I was NOT interested in being set up just because I was divorced (why do people think you need that?) but I was seeing my man then as well. Now I'm not and he knows it. I'm still giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had no idea this guy wanted to ask me out (bleh - I have goosebumps again)

    I know what you mean about hearing the worst. Every time I ask for a reading I just hold my breath and pray..... and so far the readings have been positive although things are moving SO slowly. But when I see the bad readings I think - you know, they don't just say what you want to hear! That is a good thing!

    I have also met a couple of great friends on other boards and I'm sure that will prove to be true here as well. (harder since there are no PMs!) I have learned so much about myself here, so much healing. I feel a great energy when I come on. πŸ™‚ I'm even delving into Feng Shui - wow it's so complicated!

    I hope you had a great chat with your friend last night and an even better day ahead! My man mentioned an activity today due to the warm weather, hmmm dare I hope? If not I have plans anyway.

    Enjoy your day and talk to you soon - hugs!!!


  • How's your week going?

    From today.....

  • ps - old boss apologized - told him he has to better qualify giving out my number - legitimate business is ok BUT...... seems like creepy guy kind of lied to old boss anyway

  • Dear Yellowdaylily,

    This picture is just BEAUTIFUL! The colors are amazing. You have a wonderful eye πŸ™‚

    SO is there any news regarding your man? Looking forward to your update!

  • Hi! I need to find one with some blue sky..... it rained yesterday and was cloudy when I got out today too.

    Man has been MIA since Tuesday, he'll pop up again. How is yours?

    I looked for your email here but I guess they get removed quick. Mine is kearrakat@yahoo.com if you want to drop me a line. πŸ™‚

  • Ok....I just sent you an email!

    Let me know if you get it....

    Have to get my day started. Looking forward to hearing from you via email πŸ™‚

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