Ego and the Cancer Male

  • "He was really sweet and touchy, but quite straight forward. He made the first move and he did it a really bold way (which surprises me after reading your comments on the Cancerian man)."

    That's why I am saying

    "Cancer is a Cardinal sign. They go after what they want. Unless certain aspects in their charts say so, I wouldn't say they are lack of confidence or less of a go-getter, that depends on a lot of things. The two go hand in hand any way. A go getter will get over lack of confidence, insecurity whatever it is that stands in their way. How else are they going to get what they want?"

    Welcome to the forum and sorry I don't have any advice for you aside from that you need to let him make his next move. I only read your post very fast because I don't have much time.

    I hope someone else can give you better solution.

  • My only advice mirrors leoscorpion's: let him do the moving forward, at his own pace...this could be wonderfully slow and delicious, or painfully frustrating and confusing, depending on both of you.

    I think his rising and moon in leo helps that "fated" determination also. Leo's are notorious romantics and will definitely go after what they want. I've found cancer's to be all or nothing, depending on their level of self-confidence and determination. Keep yourself busy or he will feel pressured, and let him do the pace-setting of courting you. That goes for relations in general, but it especially applies to cancer men, I've discovered. If they sense pressure they will hide until it's safe to come out again.

    Good luck! 🙂

  • Thanks for your responses.

    I think that his moon and venus in Leo + his rising in Scorpio play a bigger role than his sun sign. He has the crab traits, but he has a lot of Leo and some Scorpio too. He is a smooth operator and I can see it real clearly. But I don't mind it because I still don't know what kind of a relationship I would like to have with him.

    I have kept silent and today I have finally heard from him.

    He called to see how I am and said he would like for us to meet later on. But since I had already arranged my evening, I told him that I have plans for the evening from 8pm, but he can give me a call in the evening and we'll see what happens.

    To this he responded: if not tonight then tomorrow. I told him that tomorrow I am going on a business trip. And then started asking about my night life and after I gave him a brief idea that I am up to a lot of things to which he reacted rather surprised and mumbled "ah u also have a packed schedule"... I liked that a lot :).

    so we see now what happens, whether he'll call later on ;).

    thanks again for ur advice and thoughts.

  • Thank you for this thread.

  • I think I mentioned this in a separate thread, but ladies are we not making astrological excuses for really poor behavior? Even if there are links that tie all these Cancer men together, if distancing himself or herself emotionally from you harms you and you let that person know and they do it again, then you need to find someone who respects your emotional needs. Or there needs to be a compromise. Otherwise, this disappearing act will continue and in no way will it benefit you.

  • DivineMuse you are so right!!! I agree 100% with you.

    The thing with my situation is that I have not made a remark on the particular behavior and I do not intend to do so, because I believe that love should flow on its own and not be pushed.

    I really do not like the disappearing thing "my" cancer man has, so I am dating other guys and I am seeing into other opportunities. If he proves to be worth of my full attention he will get it. Otherwise, I am not planning to spend my energy and precious time on something that has a high probability of being pointless.

    Good luck to all. Have a Very Merry Christmas!

  • hi everyone. i hope you had nice holidays. any advice at all is appreciated. i was dating a cancer male for about 7 months. everything was going fine, in fact i thought that we were really starting to fall for each other. in any case, thoughout the last 7 months of dating, he did a couple of small disappearing acts but would always come back with awesome date plans. right before thanksgiving we spent the weekend together and had our first little tiff. wasn't really an argument just a minor power struggle that some couples seem to face after the initial first few months of dating. the wednesday befor thanksgiving, he sent me a text asking what time he should drop over for thanksgiving. my house was not the primary house that he was going to come to for dinner so at the last minute i was invited to a good friends home and i accepted. in response to his text i asked him to call me because i had a change in plans. he called, i explained what was going on he seem fine and we even made plans to meet at his friends house on the evening of thanksgiving so we could see each other.... so i text him on thanksgiving to let him know that i am still at my friends but leaving soon. he immediately texted back that he didn't feel good and he would not be celebrating. i was disappointed but i i asked him if he was ok and left it at that. well since then it's been a lil over a month and i have not heard from him at all. no text no call nothing. it hurts really bad because i have no idea what happened. if he didn't want to date me anymore at least tell me why so i have clsure and can move on. now i'm just stuck in limbo trying to figure out what happened. i have not called him because i think that the man should do most of the pursuing in a relationship.

    any advice would be helpful as i have never had a man just up and sever all contact w/o a reason why. i know that they do not like confrontation but he's told me that he let other woman from the past know when it was over. why not me?

  • kelcrab !!! i need your help look at my forum i need help asap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Can you give a reason explaining why the male cancer disappears after you tell them you love them?

  • I think its because of the personality it makes them more prone to situations growing up where they feel down or naturally require more confidence boosting words said to them. My husbands son is a Cancer and hes arrogant and insecure. He paid money to learn how to pick up women. Kind of sad really. But I wasnt suppose to know this. I think a lot of that is because he had always teased like Respecttt and he gave off the impression that he was a ladys man which in fact he wasnt.. Hes 35 and still single. He has been through ALOTTTT of relationships.. He does the speeddating etc... He goes for certain ladies with skinny body types etc.... He tries to see if he can get them to go out with him... I have seen him pick up very pretty ladies but it never last. He is trying to find love in all the wrong places. I feel sorry for him but he can be hateful.

    I def think my husband son is insecure and looking for reassurance that hes a good guy.... He wants to feel important etc.... Its always a catch 22 for Cancers. They want security and a happy family and successful income but also want to have a perfect woman... If they had their hearts broken by a first love they always compare the women afterwards to this woman and it will be extremely difficult for a cancer to let anyone else in.. Even family will be pushed away to a certain distance.. His ego becomes too big to where there is NO room for anyone else....

  • Hi Well I will give a brief background. I'm a virgo sun leo moon he is a cancer sun libra moon he is 30 i am 33, ok So we have been in an on and off relationship for a year. this is our fourth time breaking up. he always comes back... why I dont understand... so this time he says I love you but I am not happy Im sorry this hurts you but you have no idea how hard this is for me and honestly I dont know if things get better from here or not. I said if you Love me how can you leave me? he said because I cant tolerate 1.5 hours late in a long distance relationship it makes me angry and is hugely disrespectful. I said I promised to never be late again... he said your words dont mean very much right now. so I said maybe you could put things in perspective. he said thats what I'm doing right now. to that I said well I will try and keep things in perspective on my end and try and not be screaming mad at you for ripping my heart out because im late and your not happy, I'm sorry I'm just hurt. I hope you have a good week at work and please take care of yourself dont push yourself so hard and I hope your elbow doesn't give you to much trouble. I'm not going to contact you I cant be friends and I cant see you on facebook so I have to delete you. I hate this I really hate this.. that was it and he didnt respond.. I wonder if he will come back again im so confused I dont know if I handled it right.. oh please help with advice / insight.. It happened last night..

  • As the old saying goes when the student is ready the teacher will come. The Cancer men are trying to teach us women how to guard our hearts. All be it there's is an extreme sabotaging version, but it serves important to have a more balanced view of love in life. No more prince charming projections allowed! You can't bare your soul to someone who is just gonna end up compartmentalizing you and the relationship in the end. And as the discussions prove with the Cancer male you will never be number one on their list. So why not be number one on yours for a change?

  • I little background. I hope this is of some help. Dated my cancer for one year. Noticed how the relationship seemed stunted. He never could day i miss u , or i love you, he is 33. This is by far not my first relationship. I thought it was weird. So to get the ball moving i told him i loved him . Biggest mistake of my life. Haven't heard from the man since last X-mas. I broke it off this February after he never called to say Happy Birthday of Happy Valentines Day. Last year he got me a birthday cake from his favorite french bakery. Talk about bi-polar. He would spend on me despite being outta work. Boy did he lay the ground work for the disappearing act he knew he would someday pull. Anyway on Feb. 20 my psychic revealed to me that this man had walls around him that had been built up over many lifetimes!!!!!!! WOW made a lot of sense. So I broke up with him after him ignoring me for 2 months. And I must say I am so much happier. I said the Hoponopono prayer and I released him. Now my son's father, who is an aquarius with mars and venus in aries is trying to make all the neccesssary changes in his life to be a good man for me. I don't have to try to figure him out, he does not pout like a brat when made. With mars in a fire sign his anger is no secret, and best part he leaves me in no doubt he wants me. Unlike every single cancer man on all the discussions on So happy he is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • to mycancerbrokemyheart: He is enjoying your torment because it was the end of the world when U were late. They love to see you suffer. Just when you stop giving a flying you know what- he will come back like nothing happened and be all warm and cuddly ugh makes me sick!

  • Hello everyone. Please don't write off all Cancer men because some of them are afraid of commitment. We are not all that way and you can be #1 in our lives, but it depends on the relationship we have with our mothers. Part of our commitment issues come from the fact that we are an all or nothing type of men. We can date casually but when it comes to marriage we want to be certain we have the right women, and if there are any red flags we can become afraid. It's true that when we get hurt by someone we love it can be devastating. So if we've been hurt in the past we will be extra careful to make sure it never happens again. I am sorry we are this way but we can't help it. Commitment is scary for the Cancer man. We know that we can't bare the pain of losing the one we love so we avoid it at all costs when there is any doubt. Most people can let go and move on when they lose their love but we Cancers have a really hard time with it. We are haunted by our pasts. It can be difficult to deal with. I am sorry if we seem to play games. I don't think it is the intention of most Cancer men but it often ends up being that way. We are strange, fickle creatures with huge hearts, and most men avoid being vulnerable at all costs which makes it hard for a Cancer man. These may be the men you've met and I am sorry that they've played games with you. We are not all afraid of being vulnerable, but unfortunately the ones who are often get walked on and that makes us jaded.

  • I met a cancer last year. after 3 1/2 weeks he said he loved me, I joked with him, not believing because I was so fouled up emotionally from my very bad relationships. it took me another 3 to tell him I love him. Once I told him, I couldn't stop telling him. He slowly retreated, and then created every excuse to be away from me. I believed him when he said he loved me.

    He waited till after his b'day, I got him gifts, his mother, didn't like for me to give him gifts. he lives with his parents. He has had terrible relationships and has 3 boys. a few times he said he didn't trust and he is sorry he has nothing left for me. excuses. I made more money than him and he said he was jealous of it.

    He played head games with me from the beginning. Eventually he broke up with me over the phone last August '10. saying that I was too possessive. Not true.

    He had started to befriend another during this time.

    He wouldn't take my calls, apology, nothing.

    I didn't even get to discuss my feelings, he didn't care. though he told me he will always love me in his break-up, I told him I don't understand his kind of love.

    .I called him in dec to wish his son happy bday. he answered, when I asked to meet he said no.

    Called to wish xmas, new years. nothing, no answer.

    Saw him on the street in January and March and waved as I drove by, he waved too.

    No call from him. and I refuse to call him again.

    Saw him a week ago late April. He saw me drive by and he didn't acknowledge me, I did the same. For the first time I ignored him. It still hurts. He put up such a front and acted like he had no interest and as if he doesn't know me.

    I thought of calling him, but I cannot bring myself to being humiliated. He used my kindness, my heart and my money.

    I still think if he only came back and talked things out, if he only apologized. Then I begin to think he is Psychotic, because why would someone treat another loving human being the way he treated me.

    He told me I was his best friend and he could tell me anything, then the next breath he'd say he missed his mean ex.

    I am still so sad and hurt by him.

    I dont know what to do, other than to do my best to forget and leave him to be the depressed person he is.

  • Kmuse

    Your ex may be still in love with his ex. How long did they date and how long were they brokeup when you met?

  • He said horrible things to her, and felt she was cheating on him. she works with him. they were apart 8 months. he said she wasn't a nice person. It has been 9 months since he broke up with me. He still works with her and best to my knowledge they do not go out.

    he would say we can be friends than get close to me. he would say he hated her then he missed her and felt badly. he said he loved me but he is leading me on. he wont even talk to me anymore. and I dont think he still loves her, I do believe he thinks of me.he is very confused.

  • not sure exactly how t=long they dated maybe 6-8 months, they had worked together off and on fro abt 10 years, they both had different relationships with children and were friends from hs.

  • i ahve to be honest, my mum is cancer and cats in the same way, I know a cancer male to act, they have multi personalty traits. Im a taurus and have learned after time that CANCER MEN ARE VERY WEAK EMOTIONALLY. I usually see this as an advantage in that you give them space to figure things out for themselves, they will qucikly approach you with ease. I usually pay them no attention and that pisses them off. EVERY WOMAN should about a CANCER MAN, like they aint in the same room as you. THEY DO NOT EXIST. that way you enjoy yourself, while he is going crazy, wander why you don't even acknowledge them. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE WONDERING WHAT A CANCER BOY IS THINKING, THEY ARE NEVER REALLY THINKING JUST PLAYING GAMES. AND I am sure YSEN would agree wiht me lol.

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