Oops with a cancer...shocker

  • ok! i've been all up and down these forums trying to find a similar situation so i don't sounds like the broken record of 'my cancer man....' 😉

    reader's digest: 6yrs of knowing each other in business, always a connection, i was in a relationship but that all changed this april. we've had a roller coaster ride...he's hid in his shell several times, which i know is due to him not being able to handle his feelings. we do not see each other on a regular basis...which is totally fine with me. we're both busy and he's a homebody.

    about a week ago, during one of our dates together he told me he loved me. with venus is rx, i immediately responded with 'don't say things you don't mean' rather then telling him how i really feel. i'm completely head over heels for him, but he was tipsy and i didn't want him to do exactly what he did - run.

    he left the next morning and was supposed to come to a business thing of mine and texted that he wouldn't be able to make it. i called him immediately because i was disappointed and wanted to find out what the deal was - plus we made plans to hang out after the seminar. he waited like 4 rings to answer and his voice and demeanor were completely distant. i could hear it and feel it. he told me he didn't want to answer because he was afraid of how i would react. i was totally calm and told him i completely understood (we had an hour of sleep and i'm sure he was hung over). he said he was surprised by my reaction because he had already played it out in his head that i was going to completely freak out. i assured him i wasn't mad and asked if we could do it next week - he said sure and that he'd call. i even texted him after the convo to reiterate that i wasn't mad. he replied 'cool'.

    sent him an email yesterday, and still have no response. fml. all of the questions are flowing around in my head....did he freak because he meant it and i didn't say it? did he freak because he said it? is he just shelling because we're getting closer? i know when things get complicated it is normal to run into the shell - but i'm here for the long haul and am not giving in or giving up.

    what's next...anyone had a similar experience?

  • Your Cancer is embarrassed and frightened. He hates to be the vulnerable one and is angry with himself for not calculating the risks of his declaration, which it sounds like you already, knew. Now since time travel is not a viable option, you are kind of stuck with being the reminder to him that he, in his mind, screwed up. Not just by saying he loved you, but again, in his mind, screwed up all the cool stuff about your relationship to begin with. The easiest way to smooth this over is to let him cool off for a few days, maybe even a week. I know that may sound like torture, but it will give you the advantage of being able to nonchalantly invite him to join you in a “normal” for you two, activity. –The breezier you can be, the faster he will loosen up. After you two get back into your rhythm, if you want to revisit the declarations of love, you will have to be the first one to say it, because he’s not going to feel like going through the whole embarrassing mess again. Be prepared to hear crickets when/if you do decide to make your declaration, and privacy is crucial to a genuine response from him. Be patient, he’s thinking about you more than you think. He just needs to feel that his emotional investment is more balanced with yours & because he feels he tipped the scales, he needs to scale back to return to that balance, as a result. Once you have showed him he has been successful in doing so, (by giving him time, being lighthearted, and not revisiting the perceived fiasco) he’ll begin to relax and you can exhale. Let us know how it goes!

  • Authenik...hi,... sorry to bug you... I see that you can give some insight into peoples questions...

    I'm in a confusing romantic situation myself with someone (JM, Libra, 10/6/73) for a little over two years, and I do have feelings for him. He has never said he has feelings for me but I dont know, I think he does...

    do you see anything for us? or any advice for me?, I saw him two days ago 🙂

    I'm LC, Taurus, 5/19/78

    Thanks so much in advance, 🙂

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