Insight...



  • Hi All,

    I may be a relative stranger to you all (despite my intermittent cribbings and wailing here :)) but you all are not...I continue to read and absorb your wisdom here...and well it does seem a little selfish but I really don't know how to give back to all of you...except my gratitude...I really learn so much from whatever I read here... 🙂

    And here instead of having anything to contribute I come again to ask for guidance...

    I have been learning a lot about myself in these last few weeks...the process has been painful but defining...I am understanding the meaning of what being 'true to oneself' really means...funny, what one should learn and internalise by 20 I am beginning to understand at 30...but I felt it....once you truly understand and accept the meaning of it, you really start looking for answers where they lie, inside you, in what you are...

    In this quest, I am faced with a few questions...would any of you be able to give me an insight into it...? Maybe not psychic answers but just your wisdom of experience...of having seen life closely and knowing how the Universe works...

    I am realising two things about the way I function and make my decisions. One is based on the fear of hurting and the other on living by attractions. I have an innate sense of right and wrong but I always negate it if it means it will stop the hurting and if it means I can live by 'temptations', 'pleasures' things that may not necessarily be in line with who I am, what my values are, what I believe in and what I aspire to be. Due to emotional dysfunctionalities I have faced (within me and my surroundings) and the subsequent repression of normal and simple needs, what should be peripheral attractions have become 'needs' and my quest has become to fulfill them at the cost of what my real needs are...

    But one thing I cannot comprehend. My need for freedom is divided between reaction and a natural need that defines me. I need to understand the boundaries of both. What starts where and ends where so that I can feed the real need and rationalise the reaction.

    Why I need to do this is because I am learning that my perspective of family, parents, relationships and marriage is BONDAGE. It is not love and security. This troubles me because it tells me of a skewed perception. Where am I going wrong? Why do I view family, relationships and marriage as something that TAKES more and hardly GIVES anything? What am I missing out on? Where is the disconnect...?



  • "Why I need to do this is because I am learning that my perspective of family, parents, relationships and marriage is BONDAGE. It is not love and security. This troubles me because it tells me of a skewed perception. Where am I going wrong? Why do I view family, relationships and marriage as something that TAKES more and hardly GIVES anything? What am I missing out on? Where is the disconnect...?"

    There is nothing wrong with thinking this way. Marriage is not for everyone, neither is having kids. Your perception is not skewed at all. Maybe you are a free spirit who wants to be free and have no ties.. nothing wrong with that. maybe you are just feeling this way now but later will change your mind as well as having a better grip of what marriage, family etc is and how it's not a fairytale like many mothers teach their daughters but which needs work, a lot of work and some people don't want to do it. some people want to be totally free.

    It's your life dear. Live it the way you want. Don't be influenced by the "majority" or by conventionality or by what "everyone" is doing or are taught to do. Do what is in your heart.



  • Dear gypsydreams!

    🙂 Its great to make your acquaintance, have been reading so much of you! Thanks for responding...

    I understand what you say...I understand the balance of perspective behind it...but right now I am not sure if something is really wrong with myself and my perspective or I am just being paranoid and too self-critical...

    I have always striven to live 'my life' 😞 also not acknowledging many facts about myself in the process which has led me to make so many mistakes and stunted my growth...this time I want to have the clear picture and a balanced perspective on what is wrong where, is it out there or is it within. If its within then I need to set it right. If its out there then I need to accept it and change a few things inside accordingly and move on from there....hence the confusion...

    But, nice meeting you! 🙂


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