Blmoon if you are there you will be so proud of me
I know you said you are leaving, but I hope you check in so I can update you a little on my life and what is going on.
Today I had a meeting with my lawyer and Ron, and I went in rested and strong and looking great.
I am not sure where I got the power, but oh yes I had it today.
Ron tried a couple of tricky underhanded things including trying to get the house and to pay me support for only 5 years, and I saw in him what she has done to him.
My lawyer got for me, my house and support for life at an amount I didn't even dream of.
He is calling it family support so it will never change even when Ty turns 18, he has to pay it forever.
He went in there looking like the cat that swalled the canary and left looking like he was going to throw up.
I am sure he told her in 5 years they would have half my house and all his income and now he has to tell her he gets nothing and will pay me until he dies.
I can almost hear her screaming at him.
He moved 50 miles further away and didn't even tell us, but his sister slipped and told Trevor last week so I pulled that one out too. It was fun.
He looked old and tired and very unhappy and I left with a wiggle I haven't had in years.
I have to tell you that I owe it all to you, you gave me hope and strenght when I had none, you told me I am strong, you assured me I am loved and I owe you so very much. Thank you
Spirit said I just had to come online and I hesitated a bit thinking am I sure about this as my leaving was very loud and clear but oh I'm so glad I popped in!!!! I'm so very very very proud of you!!! You did it! Enjoy the feeling--you earned it. I hope you can really understand my bit of shortness with you over the last time you felt worried as on my end I just felt this day around the corner--I was a bit frustrated that you still didn't trust that---also I was very much picking up Ron and his thoughts where not good--he was ready to take all he could get and you are right--the two of them had some very high expectations. I try not to get too attached to people I read for and rarely keep up a continued relationship but you are one of the exceptions and if I was harsh about Ron it was me being protective and I wanted you to be more protective of yourself--I really picked up on him strong and he saw you as the old you! I didn't like that!---he really underestimated you and was very ready to not treat you fairly. I didn't want to hurt your feelings with that but when you met him over the taxes he was nice on purpose and his motivation was more about himself than you. There is a greediness that she has fed in him and it is very ugly energy. He is wearing it! Also spirit wanted you to get your anger up and keep the fighting defense going where he's concerned as he thought you were still that old girl he once played too well to his advantaged. Thanks for the final image--I got his reaction totaly--it was like he opened his eyes and really saw you! I feel better now as I was getting a hair impatient myself--I knew it was coming soon but thought it would be closer to the holidays as I remember on our first connections seeing the holidays this year being much better for you. Keep the feelings of this time close for any future challenges---as a can do reminder! Hugs!!! Blessings. And thank the spirits who helped and guided you so closely. You indeed are loved!
Okay so I got through that really well, I forgot we even had a fire drill in the middle of the meeting and had to walk down 7 flights of stairs, so I walked in front of him so he could get the view of me that belongs to him, me walkuing away.
Is this what will cause them to split? I can't imagine them having a great life with no money, no house, no secure future?
Believe me I do not want him back, but would still love to hear the regret, not from the things but from the loss of me, a much better women than he has.
Now that that is settled how long do you think before I find someone to hang out with, not love yet just a friend that might insire me
Blmoon, please come back
Just was thinking of you----this is a special yet challanging time for many. A very good month for sincere committment--focus and new foundations. Here it is the middle of the month feeling the weight of change. Change is both exciting and yet scary. There is a tug of war between past and future but really the changes have already been set to motion for the past six months. Thought you might be feeling that universal shift towards being "authentic" above all else. Hope you took some quite time after the divorce. As a writer and lover of words I've always found it interesting how many words sound as painful or pretty as they are. Divorce sounds like an attack! Call it freedom--such a nice sounding word! Spirit says go all out celebrating the holidays--even if it's just you sitting at the table with a yummy spicy candle. Do it for you--decorate, celebrate and bake. Fill your home with the Lavender to keep old wounds healed. Good things and new faces will find your "home". The man with the word "home" on top of his priority list will find you! BLESSINGS
So strange that you came back, as I have been asking the spirits to bring you back and here you are.
The attack is not over yet
, he won't sign or give the lawyers the paperwork we need to finish it
I was just thinking todayn how you said they wouldn't last 6 months and how nov and dec would bring changes that might make him want to come home, all of that is now and I don't feel anything but lonley, all the way to my toes lonely
I will celebrate the holidays uin grand style, stsrting with cooking thanksgiving dinner for the 28th yeasr in a row.
A couple weeks after that I turn 51 and than Christmas.
I pray all is well with you, and thank you so much for hearing me and poping in..
WEll I got a little to emotional with my last reply sorry, you know I get like that sometimes. It has been hard as I see myself alone too much and fear it will alsways be this way.
Can you please explain what you meant by your post and the last 6 months ect.. I feel you are trying to tell me something I am not getting.'
Also I have been getting emails from telling me they hear me crying and want to help, is that true or just a scam?
One more question my friend, who is the man with home on his mind?
Please ignore the e-mails--SCAM. I get mail like that as well. It is a lesson though about the law of the jungle---how the predators prey on the weak. AND--it is a reminder to you to not walk around wounded and keep up the positive vibes and watch the helpless feelings as they attract lower vibrations. I was thinking of you partly because it is obviouse you are well guided and can trust there is a very mighty spirit on the other side that speaks up for you. Also, I knew from the last post what was in the near future and you would hit a wall just a bit as expected--like the let down after Christmas or the bit of lull and empty feeling after a great finished project and success and all the elation has worn--it results in a "well what now time" combined withe a great need for rest which is hard to adjust to after working uphill on fortitude. ALSO, your crossroads alines withe the stars and it is a universal time of new beginnings--letting go--foundations and committment. CHANGE. It is upon us all in different degrees Including your X--some of us have been a conceise part of the change--working positively towards it--OR some have run away and will have it forced on them in life shaking ways. This is the month! And you must have faith in your choice to reward you. I know it seems harsh to come this far but be asked for more but your just tired. I still think you can believe your x and her are not living in bliss and your husbands lack of cooporation was well predictable and boy he is feeling the pressure of all he in life lived to avoid! conflict and need--she is giving him that pressure everyday--everyday! She can't fight the fight but has to go through him--step back and see the karma here of a man who lays low--hates drama--doesn't want to be held responsable to anybody is suddemly--locked up tight in a situation and no where to run. Secretly your x has silently prided himself on needing no one but now he is so forced to break the lie he told himself. Where's he going to run--hide without facing his honest needs. AND you as well--trapped by fears of loneliness--being alone--do you see how you two played off of each other and to heal it had to come to this. Do not focus on the man--the love coming at the end of this healing--trust in it because to get you have to be true to your intention of living for yourself then you will be found by someone who reflects how you treat you--but if you do all your living and choices to get someone you will only attract someone who wants someone who gives herself for another too much. You tend to imagine your worst fears about him--he is miserable--you know him--this divorce is not her happy ending but all this conflict for him is him healing the hard way as it was his weakness to hide and run and let another pick up his slack in a relationship. I still stand by my prediction that this month is the turning point--the deal breaker--the change of course month or just plain the break down month. You do tend to lose faith just before the dawn. Do exactly as you have--keep positively busy--DO WHAT YOU LOVE--FOR YOU--AND THOSE YOU KNOW LOVE YOU BACK--as in verb Count your blessings--enjoy your children and family. Life may test you a few times to just make solid your intention--to please you--versus needing others aproval--which is why they showed me the picture of you alone at the table--glowing candle--the whole room glowing with your decorative loving touch and you feeling--this is bliss! As for the legal thing--keep at it with the same protective instinct and strength as you have been. You have the power--don't get caught in the little battles. The man you will attract must reflect your priority--it's obviouse that is "HOME". Family and a man who apreciates and values YOU. It will happen as long as you live that love for yourself--AND yes your x can be that man but it's a race because a new man may beat him to the spot. I still see you making that choice and being happy with that choice. The new year starts a social change for you--new friends and an invitation to join a group of some kind. BLESSINGS
wow I have read your last post everyday and I pray you are right, I mean I believe you are, have always had faith in what you saw and somehow feel the same., I have told you from the start that he nwas not being himself.
I thank you for your kind words and wisdom, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Well one holiday down and 2 to go, plus my 51st birthday coming in just a few weeks.
In was surprised how hard this last week was and how the memories of all the past kept slamming me everytime I had a moment to think.
I woke and went to sleep with Ron on my mind and as much as I don't want that, I couldn't control it. I really did try.
I was so busy at work and people get mean and fussy in the stores this time of year and me in self checkout instead of produce where I belong.
I saw so many families and couples planning to ccelebrate and I never felt so alone in my life.
I cooked yesterday and had my family over, but it was not the sasme, I missed him and I know the boys did.
Last year she went back home to be with her kids and he was alone, this year I don't know what he did, but he sent a text to his boys wishing them a happy day.
todasy I am going to refikll my hot tub, because it givesd me peace and wrmth and a place to think alone and talk to God.
I wish there was a magic pill I couldn take to remove the pain as it seems to be getting bad again.
April has over stepped her boundries with me and as per your advise I finally told her how I feel and she is upset about it, but I can not continue to allow people to use me.
If you see anything that might ease this time for me please let me know as I can use all the help I can get right now.
Thank you so much for all your help.
It is good to feel safe it is safe to feel good.
You are loved!
Well it is Deccember and nothing has changed if anything I feel further than ever from a connection with myself.
Ron is playing games with the money and hasn't paid me his court ordered amount this month, he text me and said he had trouble with his truck and would get it to me next week., and I hate to continued unnessecary contact with him, where I am nothing but a bill he owes.
I wonder when he writes that check each month what goes through his mind, does he hate it, or does he feel that it is his duty to support me?
I am also having trouble with April, she doesn't have any boundries and as much as I don't want to hurt her it bothers me that she invites herself and her family to my house without it being okay with me.
Yesterday we went to the movies and shoppingn and after she came in and called her daughter and granddaughter and told them to come over.
m m After she got off then phone she asked if that was okay and I told her no, but too late without me being the bad guy.
She doesn't understand that this is my home and I should be the one to ask people over. She does this all the time and I feel like it is time to just get her out of my life.
I tried the last t2 weeks to tell her I am having a hard time and need to be alone and then she called and text me 10 times a ady and when I didn't reply she showed up at my house crying.
I can't take her pain and mine, hers always has to be worse and any time I feel blue she says well at least you are thin and pretty, I am fat and ugly ect... I hate it.
So did theyn split last month, or are they still trying to live this lie
I rellyn feel like I am waiting for him to make a move and have shut out everyone lese waiting for that chance at happiness again.
I believe what we had is real and I can't imagine what he thinks about our 25 years.
I don't know how you see what you see, but please help me get through this next stsge.
I just got home from work and need to chill but I have an immediate response for you--spirit is so insistant--and I see you just posted and I rarely go on this site. This woman who brings out the doormat in you is really testing your boundries and you are being sucked dry. Nothing I say will help untill you get your space back--YOU ARE TOO NICE! Would you dare invite your family to a friends house? Something is so off kilter here for her to even do such a thing. Don't fall into that guilt trip trap. Think of this as not being trapped but an opportunity to be powerful. You have to have boundries. I do have advice and thoughts about Ron but you must do this first. Sit down and write down on paper what you want or do not want from this relationship with April. Start with a po'd list first--what is truelly not acceptable. Get down to your needs--not hers. This making herself at home in your house has to be fixed because she is not respectful to your needs. There is no way she is going to be happy with your needs---restrictions but would you rather you be miserable? SPEAK UP without guilt. I know I need my space and people do not drop in on me. Also I so need my space and hardly ever ride with others when going out--I do not like being trapped somewhere and I am too sensitive to sit in a space too long with other's energy. These are MY needs and quirky to some but I have boundries. There are a select few who's energy is divine and I can be with them and it's not draining but believe me I know about attracting needy people--I have healing energy and in my younger years I was overwhelmed with others attaching to me and I was too nice to hurt them. But a wise woman takes care of herself . April is not your responsabilty. What does she bring to your relationship? You have to weigh the pros and cons. You need to pump up the alpha tone--speak with authority. If you were too tired you should have told her I got a freakin headache--I'm going in and lay down and taking the phone off the hook--I'll call you tommorrow. Then just do it. She may hit you with--did I do something wrong? Don't let her in your head or house--say please I can't think and go in the house--your weakness is you let her negotiate. Spirit says it's a problem with you--not being firm--people always believe you are open to negotiations. That's your important list--THINGS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION! I have had friendships that were very good at first but then that person did things that made me feel bad. Eventually--it was all about them and one day I just cut ties and they kept trying for years--and at times I'd answer a polite e-mail but it was over. I let all my friends know that I often turn off my phone so no one takes it personal. I've even lied to intruding pushy people and told them my phone is not working lately. I feel like lying is ok when you are dealing withe pushy who suck you dry. Get creative--take control and solve this now. You need your energy to get to where your going--you worked too hard. If she comes to your door crying--say--I'm in a hurry--got somewhere to be--make up whatever and tell her you'll call her later. Set the Ron thing aside a bit to deal with this first--make a committment to getting your needs met and fixing this boundry issue as it really does affect how ron treats you as well--keep your boundries firm. Talk to you later.
Wow you are always so right it freaks me out. I did it I sat and thought about the pros and cons of our relationship and came to the realization thast I was only giving and getting nothing back and have had enough.
I told her I am sorry if it hurts but I told you I needed space and she texted and called me nonstop, and then showed up at my house uninvited, I told her I wasn't in the mood for her whole family and she got on the phone and invited them over anyway. I told her I am sorry but I need time to take care of me and I can't take care of her.
She said I said itn was okay to bring her family over, and I did after she asked 3 times and invited them anyway, thats what she does and I told her I am done.
Its funny I don't like toi hurt people , but this feels right, thanks again for helping me.
Well something is going on with me, I feel l great, even happy when i am around people, and every time i am alone i break down and fall apart. I don't know what is going on but I find myself waking up with tears streaming down my face.
I know how stupid that sounds My God he has been gone almost 2 years and he is cheating on me, and I can't get the sweet memories to stop, I see us walking down to beach, eating at our favorite spots and riding in the truck singing, not to mention times with the boys, or just in our hot tub, or the house.
I want tyo hate him, to end this pain and take it for what it really is, I married a man with no soul, how could I have been so blind to throw my heart into such a waste of my life. Don't get me wrong my boys are the best thing in my life, but they have no dad, he is so gone they don't even want him back in their lives.
I have been trying to see myself happy, to feel peace in this life, the be glad I have all I have, and I know I am blessed in so many ways, but how did I end up spending my life with a man who ran away and left me alone.
These are supposed to be the yerars we get to spend a little more money, maybe travel and spend time being best friends, and all of that is gone in a flash because of his high school girlfriend.
Maybe it is because it is her, I feel like our love wasn't real and she was one always the4 one, and I was just the women in the middle of there lives.
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I wrote a response and it poof disapeared! Then yours appeared! HA HA HA! You echo my response though mine was personal--it mostly encouraged nancy to hold tight this shift is soon and to stop being so hard on herself. Joy and pain come in the same day--it is normal--tears are healing and her healing is a proccess. Regret is to be avoided! It steals the moment and it paralizes the energy. Those joyful memories are real. All or nothing thinking is limmitting. I have joyful days yet still find myself in my room to cry over my son's death--get it out then choose to go have more joy. Feeling bad is not an indication that one has screwed up or something is wrong. Outside us life hits us with all kinds of things--we react--we feel--but we are not defined by that moment. We are never so perfect that we just feel good all the time. BUT the difference is free will--a choice to not drown in it--this too shall pass. Nancy--your emotional up and down is normal. You must grieve. Your grief goes deeper than Ron--you are about to heal a very very deep wound. No more regrets! Let the past go and patience and faith will see you through this important shift--you are so close! BLESSINGS
What am I so close to? the last post you wrote you said you had some thoughts about Ron and collen, but that I needed to deal with April first. Well I have dealt with her and I feel so much better having that space back, you were so right about her draining me, but something else is still pulling at my heart and I don't knowwhat it is.'
I love that you feel the angels are coming and will help, but I can't see any love other than that I already have. I try to open my eyes to people I see everyday, I mean I work around hundreds of people, and there is no one for me out there.
I don't feel asttraction to anyone but Ron and it scares me.
Please don't get me wrong I have so many blessings, my family is the best anhd I am so lucky to have been raised with love always and to be able to give that love to my kids as well.
But I miss the magic.. Ron used to stand close but not touching me and say do youfeel it, that is our love, thats how yuo know it is real, and I swear I could feel him touching me without touching me.
I know sometimes when peoploe have been together for so long the spark goes away, but it never did for me, he was always the one, I never doubted that.
I look at my beautiful kids and see pain that shouldn't be there, I listen for their laughter and pray they can give there love to someone without this scar holding them back.
I know she is the oppisite of me, and he must miss our family. But I also feel that he is stubormn and stupid and won't believe I could forgive him again.
what should I do?
I thank you so much for the beautiful post, it does give me peace and hope.
I pray the angels will find Ron and show him the way home, but I have given up hope of that happening and as I approuch the holidays I try everyday to give joy to the people I love and to stangers.